How to Get Your Siblings to Shut Up

Last Updated: January 7, 2023

There are many times when a sibling constantly talking can ruin a moment, whether it is a telephone call, a period of relaxation, or even a date. This constant talking can become overwhelming, and many people struggle with how to deal with it. Some simple steps, before, during, and after the confrontation, can help mediate any potential conflict, and lessen the amount of talking your sibling

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Dealing in the Moment

1
Find a distraction. Go run an errand to get away from your sibling. If your parents don't trust you to go out on your own, take a friend with you. Put on a pair of headphones to drown them out. This might help you disengaged. As discussed, the less your respond to your sibling the less likely they are to keep bothering you. Finding a distraction that helps you ignore the situation can help get your sibling to shut up.
2
Ignore them. Sometimes, if someone is teasing or annoying you, they're just seeking attention. Simply ignoring sends a powerful message. You are above the teasing and do not wish to engage in negativity.
- Remember, you are a worthy person. If your sibling is putting you down or trying to make you feel bad, this is their problem and not yours.
- Stooping to your sibling's level, while tempting, is not going to help the problem. Do not return insults with insults. Simply ignore the aggressor.
- Try your best not to let your sibling know your feelings are hurt. While it's perfectly appropriate to be hurt if someone is being mean to you, if your sibling is trying to hurt you they will thrive on you getting upset. Simply ignoring your sibling is a better option.
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3
Leave the situation. Go to your own room. If your sibling follows, ask them to leave your room. If your room is your space, your parents are likely to side with you if you need their support in getting your sibling to leave your room. Sometimes, simply avoiding the situation is the best way to deal. You could also look into hanging around places in the house where your sibling is unlikely to go.
4
Assert yourself. If ignoring or avoiding doesn't work, you might have to assert yourself. Being assertive when being teased or bullied may help get your sibling to shut up.
- Remember, you have a right to be respected in your home. Your sibling's teasing is violating that right. It is appropriate to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
- As stated, you do not want to stoop to your sibling's level and return insults with insults. However, it is appropriate to respond to defend yourself against insults. If your sibling is relentless, tell them firmly why what they're saying is not okay. For example, if your sibling is teasing you about a shirt you're wearing say something like, "It's my shirt and I like it. That's all that should matter. You making fun of me isn't going to change how I dress."
5
Use humor to deflect the situation. You can also use humor to combat teasing. Humor conveys a sense of comfort with oneself. Your sibling will find this self-assurance threatening.
- Let's go back to the shirt example. If your sibling keeps telling you the shirt is ugly, say something like, "I guess I just like ugly clothes. Oh, well. Bad taste isn't the worst thing in the world!"
Tip: Acknowledge your sibling's message in a humorous way. This shows you can accept your own faults. Your sibling may be teasing you because of their own insecurity and they will be shocked at your comfort with yourself.
6
Listen as long as you can. You might not always want your sibling to shut up because they are getting on your nerves. Your sibling might talk too much. If this is the case, try to listen as long as you can. As you listen, try to understand what your sibling is trying to communicate and why. Are they being mean to you, making fun of you? Why might they feel the need to do that? Are they trying to get something out of their head but having trouble expressing it? Is there anything you can do to make it easier for them to express themselves?^{[1]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Talking Out the Problem

1
Present the problem. If you continually get into conflicts with your sibling, you might want to address the problem. Start by stating the obvious. That is, what's bothering you about the situation and why. It's important to address your views and then give your sibling a chance to respond. After your sibling has been talking for awhile, interrupt with something like, "I don't like the way you're talking to me right now" or "I feel like you're dominating this conversation." Try to remain as calm as possible. Getting hostile and trying to yell over someone will only escalate the situation.^{[2]
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2
Use "I" statements. When communicating a problem, it's important to use "I" statements. These are statements that strive to express things in terms of feelings rather than facts. This can be helpful when confronting your sibling as they will feel you're expressing yourself and your emotions rather than trying to place external judgment on the situation.
- I statements begin with "I feel." After stating "I feel" you will describe your emotion and then explain the behavior that leads you to feel this way. Using "I" statements can help with conflict as they can feel less judgmental. You're not making a sweeping judgment about the situation or placing blame on one person. Instead, you're just stating how the situation makes you feel.
- For example, don't say, "You're inconsiderate when you talk over me and put me down about not finishing my homework." Rephrase this using an "I" statement. Say something like, "I feel upset when you lecture me about my homework because it adds to my stress level."
3
End the conversation if necessary. Sometimes, even if you talk as respectfully as possible your sibling will just not stop talking. They may even become hostile, despite your best efforts to resolve the situation. If your sibling keeps talking over you and disrespecting you, it's best to simply end the conversation. Say something like, "I don't think we're getting anywhere and I don't feel comfortable right now." Then, leave the conversation.^{[3]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Addressing Larger Problems

1
Write down your sentiments. There may be a larger problem at play if your sibling frequently talks over and interrupts you. A good way to cope this kind of problem is to sit down and talk things over with your sibling. Before you do so, take a moment to write down your feelings so you can express them adequately in conversation.
- List past times where you both have argued and/or when your siblings will not stop talking. Create a long list, then cross off any minor incidents.
- Focus on the major incidents, such as when your siblings drove you to have a headache, or interrupted a major engagement by talking.
- Also, think of what you want to accomplish by talking to your siblings. Where do you hope to go after the conversation? What do you want your sibling to take away from this discussion? What do you want your sibling to take away from the conversation?^{[4]
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2
Try to understand your sibling's perspective. In addition to writing down your perspective, make an effort to consider your sibling's point of view prior to your talk. Why might your sibling feel aggressive towards you? What events have shaped their experience? Have you been unfair in the situation at all? In conflict, it is very rarely only one person's shortcomings creating a problem. Try to understand why you may sometimes rub your sibling the wrong way and what you can do to change the situation.^{[5]
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3
Confront your siblings. Sit your siblings in a comfortable setting. You want to make sure your siblings know what they are about to hear is serious.
- Turn off the television, and make sure you are not using your phones or computers. Technology can create distractions and take away from what you have to say.
- Use a comfortable place like a bedroom, or a living room. These can help because they have comfy seats, and can make the confrontation more relaxed.
- Make sure you pick a time to talk that works for both of you. Do not schedule a talk if your sibling only has an hour before work. Choose a time that's open ended, like shortly after dinner on a weeknight.
4
Take turns talking. It's important to be respectful during the confrontation. Take turns expressing your feelings. Try not to interrupt when your sibling talks. If they interrupt you, politely interject with something like, "Excuse me, but I wasn't finished talking yet."
- Remember, no put downs or insults. You want to remain as respectful as possible to resolve the situation. Name calling can derail productive dialogue.^{[7]
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Note: Do not interrupt when your sibling is talking. Even if they say something that you disagree with or that hurts your feelings, be respectful and allow them to express themselves freely.^{[6]
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5
Compromise. The goal of this confrontation is to resolve the issues between you and your sibling. You have to be willing to compromise and see things from their point of view. Once you've both expressed yourselves, work on resolving the problem together. Look for places where you can both change a bit. For example, say you fight frequently because your sibling dislikes you spending time in your room. You can agree to give them space after school and before bed. They can agree to be more willing to spend time with you on the weekends or before dinner and allow you to come hang out in their bedroom.
- Celebrate your differences. As conflicts sometimes come up due to individual differences, learn to value your sibling's input. Agree to disagree on certain topics. You can also take your differences in opinion as an opportunity to learn about another's point of view. Take a genuine interest in where your sibling is coming from and why.
6
End situations that get uncomfortable. Despite your best efforts, there may be uncomfortable situations in the future. It's not uncommon for siblings to fight, especially when growing up and testing the boundaries of family relationships. Sometimes, it may be easier to simply end conversations before they start. If you feel you or your sibling getting hostile, simply get up and leave the room.

Community Q&A

Question

My older sister searches my phone without me knowing, has to know everything that's going on in my life and spills all my personal secrets to my mum and dad. I don't do those thing to her, what should I do?

Community Answer

Hide your phone! Let your sibling know that you don't want her touching your stuff. Talk to your parents and tell them it bothers you when your sibling tells them things about you, and ask them to come to you if they want to know something.
Question

What if my sibling hurts me?

Community Answer

You need to tell your parents, or a different adult if they don't listen. You may want to stay away from your sibling, depending on whether or not they have the potential to injure you seriously.
Question

How do I control myself when my sister gets me angry?

Community Answer

Count to ten. Go somewhere else to do an errand, get as far away from her as possible. Tell you parents if this is happening often.

Warnings

Even if they say they will not bother you, they may still do it. So continue to remind them to be quiet. Stick to your planned schedules of when and where to be when the other sibling is around and about.

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Always remember that what your sibling is saying might be life threatening, so make sure that there is not an emergency.

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Finding a solution may lead to stress or bigger ideas with more risks.

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