How to Get Over a Crush Whose Orientation Doesn't Match Yours

Acknowledge it. You already know their orientation doesn't match, but spend a few minutes to really think about what this means. No matter how much you may want to, don't push this information to the back of your mind. It hurts, but it's a pain you'll have to tackle no matter what.

Consider taking some time away from them. There are two possibilities here: the feelings will move on quicker, easier, and with less pain if you allow yourself to just be friends with them, or hanging out with them right now could just deepen the feelings. If hanging out with them only serves as a painful reminder that things can't work out between the two of you, then it's best to reduce that stress by taking a break.^[1]

• If you're feeling brave, tell them about your crush, and explain that you need some time away to get over it. Tell them that you still like them and want to hang out once things cool down, so that they know it's not personal.
• Otherwise, make gentle excuses: you're too busy, you have a huge project this month, you've been needed to help out at home more, et cetera. If your crush asks if there's a problem, explain to them there's a lot going on right now, but you want to hang out with them once things get more manageable.

Start looking around for new crushes. You may feel like your current crush is the be-all-end-all right now, but they aren't. There are thousands of people nearby who can like you back. It can be very difficult to find someone else who compares in your eyes, but it is a good thing to do, and a healthy possible part of moving on.

• If you aren't straight, try looking for people of compatible orientations at pride events, LGBT+ clubs, dating websites, or gay bars (if you're of drinking age).

Try to just be friends. You have feelings for this person, and that's okay. Just put them into a different direction than romance. Try building up your friendship with your crush instead of focusing on the fact you like them. ^[2]

Ask yourself if you want to be friends if being just friends seems like it isn't working, or isn't something that could work. If this person has qualities that you like in a friend, and you believe you can feel happy and comfortable around them, then the friendship is probably worth preserving. Otherwise, it's okay to let go of the relationship and move on.^[3]

• If you have a huge crush on this person, hanging out with them but not dating them may feel like torture. Don't put yourself through agony just to keep clinging to an impossible relationship. You deserve better.
• Don't say "Let's be friends" if you aren't actually satisfied with being friends.
• Remember that you don't have to decide right away. During your time away, you can work through your feelings, and then figure it out.

Take care of yourself. Use this time to step back and re-evaluate ways you can improve your own life, instead of devoting all that mental capital to your crush. You'll find a few distracting tasks to take care of, and you'll be bettering your own situation at the same time.^[4]

• Give yourself a mini-makeover. It can be as simple as changing your hairstyle, or buying some new clothes. Make sure it's something that will boost your confidence.
• Get organized. If it's been awhile since you've cleaned out your closet/car/garage/basement, get on it! Sorting through old junk can be a meditative process, and you'll probably feel relaxed and accomplished when you're done.
• Work out. Exercise clears the mind — when you're so focused on pushing your body, you can't afford to worry about much else besides breathing and moving.