How to Find a Girlfriend if You Are a Bisexual Teenage Girl

Co-authored by Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC

Last Updated: June 13, 2022 Approved

As a bisexual teenage girl, finding a girlfriend can feel really hard sometimes. Where can you meet single girls to date? How do you find out if a girl you're interested in likes girls too? How do you even approach a girl you like? Fortunately, it's totally possible to find potential girls to date once you know where to look. To help you out, we've put together some tips on how to find girls to date as a bisexual teen girl, including how to find out if they like girls and ask them out on a date.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Finding Girls to Date

1
Befriend LGBTQ people your age. Finding other people in the LGBTQ community, even ones who you are not interested in dating, can eventually help you find a girlfriend. Are there any other students at your school or in your neighborhood that you know are lesbian, gay, bi, or trans? If so, make an effort to befriend them.
- For example, making friends with someone who is gay could lead you to meet their other friends. This, in turn, could lead you to a potential date that you did not know before.
2
Join your school's gay-straight alliance. To find other LGBTQ people at your school, try joining your local LGBTQ-straight alliance or start one at your school. This will help you to join the broader LGBTQ community in your school, and it will help you to scope out all the girls that might be into dating other girls.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.}

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3
Go to your local LGBTQ center. Many LGBTQ centers have programs for LGBTQ teenagers. In fact, there may even be a LGBTQ teen community center in your area.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.} These centers are created as safe spaces where you can meet new friends, and potential dates.^{[3]
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Research source}^{[4]
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Research source}
4
Go to a LGBTQ Pride event. LGBTQ Pride is an annual event that celebrates the beginning of gay liberation. This event happens in many cities and is usually celebrated in June. In most cases Pride celebrations include a parade and multi-day festival. If you want to meet girls who are interested in dating other girls, the Pride festival can be a great place to do that.
- Unlike most other places, at a Pride festival you can usually assume that the girls are lesbian or bisexual, instead of straight.
5
Search for the local LGBTQ community online. You can find other bi girls outside of your school or your neighborhood by joining online communities. Try to meet people who are openly bi or lesbian online, and see if you can form friendships that then turn into relationships.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.} Websites, such as emptyclosets.com, have forums where you can communicate with other LGBTQ teenagers and build online relationships.^{[6]
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Research source}
- It can be hard to find a safe space online where people are honest about who they are and what their intentions are. Be careful and protect yourself by not giving a stranger too much personal information about yourself.
- Don't meet a stranger without telling someone where you'll be and try to meet them in a public place. If you are uncomfortable telling your parents where you are, at the very least tell a friend.
6
Tread cautiously with straight girls. Sometimes we have a crush on someone that does not have the same sexual orientation as we do. There are some cases where this may work out, and our crush changes her mind, but in many cases it just ends in heartache. Just be sure if you decide to pursue a straight girl that you understand that it may not end in romance but in hard feelings instead.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Getting a Date

1
Create a friendship first. If you like a certain girl, get to know her. If find out that she is straight and not interested in exploring dating girls, at least you have a new friend.
- You shouldn't go into a friendship with a girl expecting to make her bisexual or lesbian when she is not. That is just setting yourself up for failure and it could make for some really awkward interactions.
2
Figure out if the girl you like is interested in dating girls. You can ask her straight out or you can be more subtle. Bring up something about LGBTQ folks, perhaps a current news story, and see how she reacts. This won't always tell you exactly where she stands but it could open the window to a more personal conversation about sexual orientation.
- This may be the end of the road on your quest to date this girl. She may say that she's not interested in dating girls, or she could even say that she finds it gross. Be prepared for this to happen and be willing to walk away from a girl that's not interested. The old saying is very true, there are a lot more fish in the sea.
3
Show genuine interest in a potential date. Ask her about herself and offer personal information about your likes and dislikes. While you do this, you can figure out your mutual interests. Perhaps you have similar taste in books, music, or movies.
- If you can't find a lot of similar interests, show interest in learning about what she likes. Perhaps she likes a type of music that you have never listened to. Ask her to play some for you and to explain what she likes about it.
4
Tell her, or give her subtle clues, that you are interested in dating women. If you want to be blunt, you can tell her that you are looking for a girlfriend or that you think you might be attracted to girls. Or you could just mention casually that you think a famous girl is cute. This will get your message across without having to have a very blunt conversation about it.
5
Flirt with her. Give her a little eye contact and smile at her. If she smiles back, you have an opening. This should give her a clue that you are interested in being more than just friends.
- Flirting is basically an art form that needs to be practiced. Don't feel bad if you try to flirt and it doesn't go as planned. Practice makes perfect.
6
Let her know that you are interested in her. Be bold! Ask the girl to hang out, just the two of you, or you could even ask her out on a proper date. You will never get a date if you don't put yourself out there.
- Remember that the worst that will probably happen is that you will get turned down, and that's not really the end of the world. The upside is that you might get a date and eventually a girlfriend!
- Try this: After you let it slip that you think a famous girl is cute, then you can tell your crush that you think she is cute too. This will probably be flattering if the other girl you mentioned is also beautiful.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I meet more bisexual people? I don't know where to look.

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
LGBTQ+ Counselor
Deb Schneider is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Oakland, CA, and a Program Manager for the Weiland Health Initiative at Stanford University. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in creating safe spaces, respectful of marginalized identities, at the high school and college levels. Deb holds a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and Women's Studies from Clark University and a Master of Social Work (MSW) with Health Concentration from the University of California, Berkeley School of Social Welfare.

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC

LGBTQ+ Counselor

Expert Answer

Look for a local community or LGBTQ+ center in your area. Most towns and cities have something like this, and it can be a really helpful way to connect with other folks where you live.
Question

How do I get a girlfriend at age 13?

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
LGBTQ+ Counselor
Deb Schneider is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Oakland, CA, and a Program Manager for the Weiland Health Initiative at Stanford University. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in creating safe spaces, respectful of marginalized identities, at the high school and college levels. Deb holds a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and Women's Studies from Clark University and a Master of Social Work (MSW) with Health Concentration from the University of California, Berkeley School of Social Welfare.

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC

LGBTQ+ Counselor

Expert Answer

If you're 13, I'd highly recommend just taking it slow. I know that sounds condescending and it's probably not what you want to hear, but you don't have to rush this. Just do things you enjoy, try to connect with other LGBTQ+ people, and go slow!
Question

How can I become friends with the girl I like, even though I'm shy?

Community Answer

Just befriend her like any other friend you have. Life is too short to be shy, so just do it.