How to Date a Bisexual Person

Co-authored by Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC

Last Updated: July 3, 2022 References Approved

Dating a bisexual can be a really intimidating thing. Are they constantly checking out everyone? Will they eventually leave you when the realize what they actually want? Well, for starters, no and no. Dating a bisexual can be just like dating a Catholic, a race car driver, or a brunette. That is, it doesn't really matter. Read on to put your concerns away and relax in your relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Understanding Your Partner

1
Recognize that bisexuals have a mixed attraction toward two genders. When entering into a serious relationship with a bisexual person, be prepared to accept their attraction to a person of another gender—the same way straight or gay folks are attracted to members of one sex. Remember that if this person is dating you in the first place, it is because they are attracted to you as an individual.^{[1]
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- Even though bisexual people are attracted to two genders, this doesn't mean they are attracted to everyone. They have limits and standards, just like everyone else does. By the same token, do not ask your partner if they "prefer sex with men or women." If you are in a relationship with them, you must always assume that they prefer you.
- Some bisexuals are equally attracted to two genders, but others have mixed attractions, e.g., they may feel more romantically attracted to one gender but more physically attracted to the other.^{[2]
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2
Respect the bisexuality of the person you're dating as part of their identity. Most bisexual people consider themselves to always be bisexual, no matter who they are dating at the time. Do not suggest that they are heterosexual if they are in a relationship with a person of a different gender, or that they are gay if they are in a same-gender relationship.^{[3]
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- As such, do not ask your partner if they are attracted to each person that they meet. Instead, accept them as they are if you wish to retain your relationship with them.
- Some people differentiate between their orientation and their behavior. Their orientation is bisexual, but their behavior (at least currently) is straight or gay. This is normal and all a part of the spectrum.
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3
Know that bisexuals aren't confused Not so long ago, being gay was flat out unacceptable. As a result, many gay people eased the coming out process by proclaiming themselves as bisexual and sort of getting their feet wet. It sort of ruined everything for those who were actually bisexual, turning Bitown into a pit stop to Gayville. But that's not how it is. Sure, some people may transition that way, slowly realizing (or letting themselves realize) they're gay—but others are aware of themselves and know that they're bisexual without question.^{[4]
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- It's perfectly normal to worry that your partner will eventually "turn" gay or "turn" straight. While it's feasible, don't think it's likely. Either way, right now they're into you, and that's all that matters.
4
Realize that bisexuals aren't promiscuous. They are just like everyone else. The LGBTQ community (and bisexuals getting lumped into that) gets a bad rap for being particularly oversexed. A lot of that is true; there are a lot of queer folks and bisexuals having tons of casual sex. However, there are lots of straight people having casual sex all over the place as well. It has less to do with the orientation of the person and much more to do with their character. Bisexuals are not any more or less likely to be monogamous than anyone else.^{[5]
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- For a long time, many queer individuals people couldn't act on their feelings, or society would reject them. Now that society is becoming more tolerant, some people may try to make up for all that "lost time" once they come out of the closet. After all, a whole new world opened up to them. Wouldn't you take advantage of it too? So while promiscuity has nothing to do with orientation, it may have something to do with being held back for so long.
- If they are a cheater, they're a cheater regardless of their sexuality. A person of good, upstanding character won't cheat, whether they're LGBTQ or heterosexual.
5
Understand that bisexuals aren't indecisive, untrustworthy, or confused. Many believe that bisexuals are just having their cake and eating it too, aren't really self-aware, or are immature and selfish and therefore can't be trusted. None of these are true. Bisexuals made the same choice that heterosexuals made. That is, they didn't make one. They just happen to be attracted to two genders.
- The idea that someone's sexual orientation determines their character is archaic. While many LGBTQ individuals do tend to use their sexual orientation to identify themselves and grow their character, that's more of a poor reflection of society than it is a statement on the nature of sexuality. While your sexuality is a part of you, it's just a big a part as having brown hair or two arms. Big deal, right? It's just a question of preference, some prefer sweet, some prefer savory, some like it hot, some prefer cold, some like men, some like nonbinary folks, some like women, some like one, some like more than one. It's really nothing to get hung up about. Focus on what you like about your partner and what they enjoy about your company.
6
Know that they're just as likely to be monogamous. Persons who are considered to be bisexual are attracted to two genders but this doesn't mean that they feel the need to be with two people at the same time. Like straight or LGBTQ folks the vast majority of bisexual people will want a monogamous relationship. When it comes to marriage, a bisexual person may end up with a partner of either gender.^{[6]
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- If a woman marries a man it does not mean that she is straight, and by the same token, marrying a woman will not make her gay. The person that they marry will be the one they are in love with as a person, and may or may not have anything to do with gender.
- That said, studies suggest that bisexual people are also more likely to question relationship norms such as monogamy. Approximately 65 percent of women and 20-30 percent of men in polyamorous communities identify as bisexual, which is a higher percentage than those belonging to other orientations.^{[7]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Solidifying the Relationship

1
Enter into a serious relationship with your significant other just as you would with any other person, regardless of gender or orientation. Understand that if they are attracted to a member of a different or the same gender as yours, that they are not cheating on you. This is the same as straight or gay people being attracted to other members of one gender. Remember that your partner is attracted to you as an individual, and by understanding that they wish to remain with you, it will make your relationship stronger.
- In a serious relationship, your partner should not only be your lover, they should also be your best and most trusted friend. If you feel you cannot accept this, then do not enter into the relationship. Remember: It's no different than how a heterosexual person will always be attracted to another gender, yet they chose to be in a relationship with you, instead of all the other people they are attracted to.
2
Don't let jealousy become an issue. Sure, the entire world is open to them when it comes to sexual options. Sort of. Only not really. They still have standards. If anything, being bisexual is going to make them more selective when it comes to the people they are attracted to—and you're one of them!
- And definitely don't let it morph your perception of yourself. You should not try to be more macho or more feminine. You nabbed them in the first place, so you are good as you are. Simply because they're attracted to two genders doesn't mean they want both at the same time.
3
Don't let paranoia ruin the relationship's potential. If you're straight and you're dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they're just on their way to discovering they're gay. If you're gay and dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they are "just going through a phase." This person wants to date you, and they won't suddenly become gay or straight. There is no reason to be paranoid.
- Sometimes if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. If you don't trust the person you're dating, they'll be able to tell. An otherwise perfect relationship could get ruined just by being in your head. Relax! Any paranoia on your part is just imagined.
4
Maintain a healthy relationship with your significant other, as you would with any other person that you enjoy being with, or even love. Be honest with them, be open with them, and share thoughts and feelings.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Forgive one another and tell the unarguable truth when it comes to disagreements, learn to appreciate your partner rather than show unhealthy criticism. Help each other when needed, and communicate openly about most any thing as you would, with a person of your same sexuality.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- If your partner doesn't ease your jealous tendencies, then it's not because they're bisexual—it's because they're inconsiderate of your feelings. If you constantly find yourself wondering and worrying, it's an issue to be discussed with your partner. If you don't feel reassured and safe, it may be a relationship that needs to end.
5
Ask questions. It is perfectly normal to need your worries or concerns assuaged. You need their orientation explained to you and odds are they'll be perfectly happy to do that. After all, it's certainly your business! Go in level-headed and confident. They're with you.
- "Do you want a sexual relationship with a specific gender?" is a very different question than, "Are you sexually attracted to more than one gender?" Some bisexual folks will willingly admit they're into two genders, but having a relationship with one isn't in the foreseeable future or is a hot fantasy. In your conversations, be sure to clarify meanings and speak clearly. Knowing will help you relax and assure you in your emotions and in your relationship.
6
Be open minded. Some people think that bisexuality is a bad thing, and it certainly has its unique challenges. However, being bisexual is just another manifestation of human sexual diversity. You wouldn't discriminate against someone of a different race or denomination, so how is this any different?
- Other people may feel it's in their right to ask you questions about dating a bisexual. They may openly express their disbelief at the legitimacy of your relationship or show inappropriate levels of surprise or pessimism. These people have old-fangled conceptions of relationships and don't deserve a second look. If you're happy, you're happy. That's all that matters.
7
Take a look inward. If you're still concerned about dating a bisexual person, it may be more a reflection of you than it is of them. Are there deeper issues of trust at play here? Maybe you're afraid they'll leave you not because they're bisexual, but because of your own issues with self-worth. It just gets all confused in your mind. Rest assured, they're with you.
- Think about it this way: They chose you over every other person on the planet. How awesome does that feel? You sure must be something!

Community Q&A

Question

Is it normal for a bisexual to date a bisexual person?

Karianna Wood

Community Answer

It is perfectly normal. Date whoever you like.
Question

What do I do if the person I am dating is looking for casual sex on same-sex dating sites?

Community Answer

If they are looking for casual sex while dating you, bisexuality is not the issue. Try talking to them about it. If you're not okay with this behavior, consider ending the relationship.
Question

How can I tell my friend that I am bisexual?

Community Answer

Pick the right moment, like when you are having a heart to heart, or when you are out having fun. Tell your friend, and if he/she says, "No big deal. Thanks for telling me," then great. If he/she has a problem, then find an awesome, open-minded friend.

Warnings

Don't ever tease them about being bisexual. They may just laugh it off, but inside you may be hurting them or making them feel insecure. So unless they actually tell you it's okay, don't tease them.

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Do not tell them that being bisexual is just a transient thing and that they will finally find their sexual orientation. They know their own sexual orientation much better than you do, and your only job here is to accept them as they identify.

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Similarly, do not suggest that a bisexual person would be necessarily more or less attracted to someone who is transgender. Transgender people often see themselves as entirely their target gender, and it is not "the best of both worlds". Implying that your partner might be more interested in a transgender individual makes you sound insecure and can be hurtful to everyone involved.

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Do not assume, or suggest, that bisexual people are any more interested in threesomes or voyeurism than any other person. Bisexuality does not equate to being a sexual omnivore (being attracted to some people). Also, do not assume that they are more promiscuous than other people just because they are bisexual.

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Some bisexual people appreciate certain traits in only one gender. For example, a bisexual person my like curves in women and muscles in men. Do not attempt to conform yourself to what they find attractive in another gender without asking your partner. That is, don't try to appear masculine as a man, or curvy as a woman. Every bisexual person is different, and may want you to stay just as you are. However, if you want to change your appearance for your own benefit, that's okay too; every relationship should be equal, and you do not have to change, or stay the same, purely for your partner.

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