How to Get a Boyfriend (for Guys)

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: February 9, 2023 References Approved

Finding a boyfriend to open up to and share your life with begins by being yourself and putting yourself out there. A boyfriend should be someone whom you enjoy being with, someone you trust, and someone who makes your life better. Finding a person who is all that and more can seem like a challenge, but if you are ready to show the world and all the potential boyfriends out there who you are, that special someone will come into your life naturally!

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Identifying A Potential Boyfriend

1
Decide what you want in a relationship. Before beginning the process of dating, think about what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to date. Most relationships are best when you start out as friends because it gives you an opportunity to figure out if you are compatible and if the person has the characteristics that you desire in a life partner.^{[1]
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2
Determine if you truly want a boyfriend. While some people do not like being single, sometimes you have to think about everything that you have going on in your life and decide whether or not you even need to be in a relationship. If you need to focus on studies, your career, or family matters, the answer may be no, for the time being. There is nothing wrong with being single.
3
Find a man who is open to a same-sex relationship. If you are part of the LGBTQ community, you may have a circle of friends that you hang out with, and there is a chance, perhaps just a small chance, that you may already know someone that you want to date in that circle. If this is not the case, you can find a potential boyfriend while going to school, work, and even while traveling. The opportunities are endless.
- If you meet someone and you know that he has a same-sex preference and you also know that he is public about his sexual preference, then you can be cautiously public about expressing your interest in getting to know him.
- If you meet someone and you are not sure about his sexual preference, hold off on publicly expressing any feelings that you may have towards him because this could create an uncomfortable situation for both of you.
- There are LGBTQ clubs and organizations that provide a wealth of programs in communities around the world. There are also awareness centers and resources focused on assisting and celebrating the LGBTQ community.^{[2]
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4
Ask your acquaintances to introduce you to someone.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Many long-term relationships, and even some marriages, have started with an introduction by a friend or co-worker. Do not be afraid to ask the people from these groups to introduce you to someone. Often, those you spend the most time with know you best and can serve as great matchmakers.
5
Use social media to meet new people. You can use social media to get connected and meet new people. While you do not want to be aggressive when sending non-private messages, social media platforms, such as Instagram,^{[4]
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Research source} Facebook,^{[5]
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Use online dating websites to meet new people.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} There are online dating websites that offer a same-sex option, such as OurTime,^{[8]
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Research source} Match,^{[9]
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Research source} and Zoosk^{[10]
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Research source}. As with anywhere else in life, you have to be cautious when meeting people that you do not know. This rule applies if you meet someone at a grocery store or at a nightclub. It applies across the board.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Inviting Him To A Casual Outing

1
Determine if you are ready for a date. Once you identify a potential future boyfriend, in order to find out if the two of you are compatible, it is a good idea to spend time in casual settings, such as hanging out with friends in a neutral location or playing video games together.
2
Identify a place for a brief meeting. A great place for a brief first one-on-one meeting is at a coffee shop where you can have coffee or tea and lots of conversation. You can also go to a movie, but you will not have as much time for conversation since a movie theatre requires silence.
- When you meet someone at a coffee shop, you do not have a big time or financial commitment, and it can be over quickly if you find that there is no chemistry or interest.
- Even when the occasion is casual, be sure to look your best when you are getting to know someone. While you definitely want to be yourself, you want to be the best version of yourself.
3
Figure out how you will invite him. With the popularity of smartphones, many people communicate by text, but the problem with texting is that you cannot read a person’s tone through a text message. While you can certainly invite someone out on a casual date through texting or email, it is best to have a conversation in person or by phone so that you can hear his voice and so that he can hear your voice.
4
Think about what you will say during the invitation. No doubt about it, asking someone out, no matter how casual, can be intimidating. A great way to handle this is to simply say the following: “I would love an opportunity to get to know you better, are you available for coffee on Saturday.”
- When asking for a date, be sure to break the ice first by asking about how his day is going or by having a conversation about another topic of interest.
- If you are asking someone on a date and you have never had a conversation with him before, you should still use an icebreaker or small talk, such as: “Do you know any great restaurants in the area?” When he answers, you can then say: “If I go to that restaurant, would you like to join me?”
- Avoid using pick up lines because people can tell when you are not being sincere and that will usually reduce the chances of the person accepting your invitation.
5
Prepare what you will say if he turns down your request. Nobody likes rejection and sometimes it can be difficult to handle. You must decide in advance that you will not take it personally if he says no to your invitation. You can also prepare a response so that you are not speechless if it happens.
- If your invitation is not accepted, your response might be as follows: “I understand. If you change your mind or if your schedule opens up, feel free to give me a call.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Developing A Relationship

1
Get to know each other on a deeper level. Once you have completed the steps above, you have been on a few dates, and you feel like things are going well, it is a good idea to be honest about your feelings. While it may take time to fall in love, you may quickly have strong enough feelings to start dating more seriously, which of course could lead to being boyfriends. It may be a little scary, but it could be worth it because being in a great relationship can contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
2
Share your true feelings. Once you have gotten past the initial stages of getting to know each other, be honest about your feelings. If your feelings are growing deeper, it is perfectly fine to share that information.
3
Listen to how he feels. A relationship is a two-way street and it is important to truly listen to him too, instead of just talking about how you feel. Participate in active listening,^{[12]
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Research source} which is the process of listening to him so that you truly hear what he is saying as opposed to listening in order to simply respond in your favor.
- If you share your feelings and he does not feel the same way, do not get upset or worry about it. When someone does not reciprocate your feelings, it does not mean that you are a bad person or that you are not good enough, it just means that you were not compatible.
4
Notice any red flags.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Not all relationship are healthy relationships.^{[14]
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Research source} It is important to pay attention to any red flags that you may see during the infancy stages of your relationship. Issues such as uncontrollable anger or abusive communication are things that you want to pay attention to because they are not part of a healthy relationship.
- Introduce him to your close friends and family if you feel comfortable doing so. Sometimes they will notice potential problems that you cannot see.
5
Communicate any concerns. If you like him but you have minor concerns, it is perfectly fine to have a conversation with him about your concerns so that they can be resolved before you move forward with the relationship.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Asking Him To Be Your Boyfriend

1
Decide if you are ready for the next step. Generally speaking, having a successful relationship requires confidence in yourself and believing that you deserve to be loved. If you love yourself, you are more prepared to be in a relationship. If you shared your feelings and they were well received, after a bit of time has passed (the amount of time varies for each couple) you may begin to feel like you want to have an official relationship.
- You cannot just assume that both of you are on the same page. You have to ask him whether or not he wants to be your official boyfriend.
2
Assess whether or not he is good for you. Sometimes when you take a step back and really think about the person and your interactions, you can tell whether or not there is a future for the relationship. In some instances, it is best not to move forward with the relationship, but instead just decide to be friends.
3
Discuss your expectations. If you decide to move forward with the relationship, you should be clear about your expectations and what you need from a boyfriend in order for the relationship to be successful.
4
Plan to have fun together. You can have a long-term, committed, and loving relationship if that is what you truly desire. As with all relationships, it will take time, mutual respect, and ongoing effort. If you both agree to be boyfriends, start having fun together and enjoying each other’s company.
- It is important to clarify what type of relationship you want to have. Simply saying that you are boyfriends may not be enough. You should talk about whether or not your relationship is monogamous and whether or not you both see a future together.^{[15]
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- If you have not already, now is a good time to make sure that he is not in another relationship, especially if you decide to be exclusive.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I get a boyfriend fast?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Opt for dating apps that are more geared toward relationships rather than ones used for hookups.
Question

What if a guy doesn't want to talk to me anymore after telling him how I feel?

Community Answer

You just have to live with it. People come and go, and if he doesn't accept your feelings, he shouldn't be your partner or friend anyway.
Question

What if the guy I like wasn't gay and I told him I was?

Community Answer

Don't worry. Things might be a little awkward but that is fine. If he was offended, he will get over it eventually. If he doesn't, don''t waste your time worrying about him.

Warnings

Be careful and discreet when using social media for dating purposes because people can sometimes be insensitive and hurtful.

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Be careful not to mistake kindness for romantic gestures.

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Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer relationships, so be prepared for unexpected reactions.

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Be aware that feelings for the same sex does not necessarily mean that you are gay. Most gay people know they are gay early on in life, and during adolescence hormones can spark unusual feelings. You might just be bi-curious, if you are unsure, or bisexual if you have romantic/sexual feeling for both genders.

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