How to Be Loyal

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: March 29, 2022 References Approved

Being loyal to those around you can be a challenge, as it requires patience and generosity. Loyalty is the ability to put others before yourself and stick with them in good times and bad. Show loyalty to friends, family, and significant others by being honest, trustworthy, supportive, and generous. Maintain healthy boundaries with those around you so you can be loyal to them in a productive way.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Supportive and Generous

1
Support the goals, ambitions, and dreams of others. Try to show genuine interest in the goals and dreams of your friends and family. Ask questions about their ambitions and goals. If they ask for help to reach a goal, support them as much as you can.^{[1]
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- For example, you may support a friend’s dream to be a musician by going to their shows and promoting their music on social media. Or you may support a family member’s career goal by offering to help them study for an exam or test.
2
Be a good listener. Demonstrate your loyalty to others by taking the time to listen to what they have to say. Maintain eye contact and nod when you listen to family or a friend. Avoid interrupting others when they speak or talking over them. Instead, focus on them and pay attention when they confide in you.^{[2]
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- You can also assure friends, family, and your partner that you are open to listening to their thoughts any time. You may say, “Just know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to” or “I’m always willing to listen to you and hear you out.”
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3
Offer positive solutions and ideas. You can also be supportive and generous to others by focusing on the positives in a situation or conflict. Try to come up with solutions and ideas that make others feel optimistic and productive.
- For example, you may support a friend dealing with a break up by reminding them of all the positive things they have going on in their life. Or you may support a family member with an illness by acting friendly, positive, and energetic around them to keep their spirits up.
4
Resist judging others for their choices or actions. Practice empathy for others so you can be there for them, rather than judge them. Replace feelings of judgement with feelings of support.^{[3]
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- For example, instead of judging a friend who is struggling with addiction, support their efforts to get help. And don't let a family member's different lifestyle choices blind you to all the reasons why you care about them.
- Try not to be scared by ideas and lifestyles that are different from yours but instead, embrace them. It can be most difficult to be empathetic to those most different from ourselves.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Honest and Trustworthy

1
Express how you really feel. Try not to sugar coat your true feelings when you speak to friends, family, or a significant other. Being loyal means not being afraid to be honest and straightforward. Lying can make others distrust you and not see you as loyal.^{[4]
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Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- For example, you may say to friends, “I have to be honest with you about how I feel” or you may say to a family member, “Honestly, I am not sure if that is a good idea…”
- You can (and should) give your honest opinion without being judgmental. Instead of saying "that's a bad idea" or "I wouldn't do that," try something like "It's your decision to make, but if it were me I'd ...".
2
Don't engage in gossip. Talking behind someone’s back is considered dishonest and disloyal. Do not believe in gossip or engage in gossip about those close to you. If you have questions or concerns, speak to the person directly rather than engaging in gossip or rumors.^{[6]
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- If you hear others gossiping around you, encourage them to stop. You may say, “Let’s not gossip or indulge in rumors” or “I’d prefer to talk to my friend or partner rather than believe gossip.”
3
Follow through on your commitments. Show up for friends when you promise you will. Follow through on commitments to family members. Be present for your significant other when you say you will. Following through on what you promise others will show them they can count on you and trust you to be there for them.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Avoid being flaky and try not to cancel plans last minute, as this can show others you are not trustworthy. You can quickly build a negative reputation for flaking if you’re not careful with your actions.
- Show up on time and be present for others when you say you will. Use your actions to prove that when you say you will be there, you mean it.
4
Stand up for others when needed. Be a cheerleader for friends, family, and partners. Stand up for them and have their back when they need it. Show them that you can be loyal and there for them when it matters the most.^{[9]
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- For example, you may stand up for a friend when someone tries to slander them or bring them down. Or you may stand up for your partner when they need support during a difficult discussion or argument.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

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Choose to give your loyalty to others. Your loyalty should be something you give to others because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Don't feel obligated to be loyal to friends or family who demand it and expect it. Instead, choose to be loyal to those you trust and believe in.
- Keep in mind being loyal does not mean blindly following what others want or expect. Instead, you should feel like you want to be loyal to others based on their character and actions.
2
Do not let others take advantage of your loyalty. Be aware of any friends, family members, or partners who start to use your loyalty to their advantage. The relationships in your life should feel balanced and fair, where you get as much as you give. This can prevent others from taking advantage of your loyal and supportive nature.
- If you notice others are taking advantage of you, sit them down and explain how you are feeling. Address the issue, rather than ignoring it. Be honest and forthcoming about your feelings. It is then up to the person to change their behavior and respond positively to your concerns.
3
Maintain your independence. Give yourself the chance to "do your own thing" here and there. Spend lots of time with friends and family, but also carve out time on your own. Avoid being too dependent on others, as this can start to burn you out and make you feel less self-confident.^{[10]
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- For example, you may pick one day in the week where you do something on your own, without your significant other. Or you may break up your week so you have time to socialize with friends and time to yourself.
4
Allow time for self-care. Maintain healthy boundaries with others by giving yourself time to focus on your needs. Have at least 1 hour of self-care a week where you do something you enjoy, such as painting, reading, or working out. You can also do a calming activity like taking a bath, getting a massage, or doing yoga.^{[11]
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- Giving yourself time for self-care can help prevent you from burning out on being loyal and supportive for friends, family, and partners all the time.
- Guard this self-care time so you can always meet your emotional needs. Avoid readily giving it away.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is being loyal a good thing?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Therapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Therapist

Expert Answer

Absolutely. I can't think of a relationship that wouldn't benefit from loyalty. If you can't be open, vulnerable, and stick to your commitments, you're not going to have fulfilling relationships with other people.
Question

How can you tell if the person you're thinking of dating is going to be a loyal partner?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Therapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Therapist

Expert Answer

If they do what they say they're going to do in all facets of life, then they're likely going to be a loyal partner. It's a sign that they take their responsibilities seriously and that their word is worth something.