How to Tell if Someone Is Losing Interest over Text

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: November 7, 2022 References

Relationships beginning with a special spark are so much fun, but sometimes that spark doesn’t last. Have you noticed a change in the way you text with the person you’re dating? The main thing to remember is that if your crush, date, girlfriend, boyfriend, or significant other is actually losing interest in you, it’s not your fault. Relationships can end because the two parties involved just aren’t as compatible as they felt they were in the beginning, and that’s okay. One way or another, we’ll show you how to tell if someone is losing interest over text—just remember to look at your situation as objectively as you can, and see if the signs match up!

1

They don’t text you as much.

Gauge someone’s interest by checking how often they text. Look at your texting history, and see if there’s a difference between where you started and what you’re doing now. If the two of you started out texting multiple times a day, and now it’s every couple of days at best, then this person has either run out of things to say, or just isn’t making it a priority to text you anymore.^{[1]
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- Where interested people want to stay in contact and are prone to texting whenever they think of you, someone who is pulling away will leave increasingly big gaps of time where the two of you aren’t texting at all.
- There’s nothing wrong with taking initiative and texting first, but if you’re always the one doing it, that’s a sign the other person isn’t as interested in you as you are in them.

2

They take hours to reply.

Taking a long time to text means it’s not a priority. Keep in mind that nobody can text back immediately all the time, and some excuses are perfectly valid! But, if this person used to reply to the majority of your texts quickly and now they never do, that’s a sign they’re trying to distance themselves from you.^{[2]
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- When this happens, resist the urge to text more. You may feel like if you send another text to make sure the other person saw your first one, they might text back, but often this doesn’t change anybody’s mind.^{[3]
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- Try not to obsess about the amount of time it takes for someone to text you back, either; it just adds extra anxiety, and you don't deserve that!

3

Their replies are short and vague.

If they’re not interested, they stop putting effort into replies. Sometimes one word is all that’s needed to reply to a text, but that’s certainly not the case with every message. Short and unclear messages mean that the sender is not really putting a lot of thought into their communications with you—and, sadly, that they’re losing interest.^{[4]
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Research source} Examples of this include:
- If you send a text asking about their day, or telling them about yours, and all you get is a “fine” or a “cool.”
- If you text, “Hey, are we still hanging out and watching a movie tonight?” and the reply is “Maybe, I’ll let you know later.”

4

They don't ask any questions.

People losing interest are no longer curious about their partner. Does your special someone ask about how your day was, what your plans are, or about something important going on in your life? Questions like that are symbolic of your closeness and interest in one another. When your crush or partner stops asking, it means they’re not interested in knowing the details of your life any longer.^{[5]
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5

They’re always too busy.

A perpetual “I’m busy” reply means they’re putting distance between you. While everyone is busy sometimes, this shouldn’t be a regular occurrence in a relationship. Good communication between two people (and the desire to maintain it) means that even when life gets busy, both parties make the effort to connect when there’s a moment to do so. If your significant other isn’t making the effort, it’s because they don’t want to.^{[6]
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- It’s fine if you or your date really do get busy for a few weeks, so long as you communicate that you’ll be busy and make an effort to work around the scheduling conflicts.^{[7]
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6

They don't use pet names anymore.

Pet names are indicative of how your significant other sees you. Pet names are generally used between couples to show affection, and it’s been proven that being called by a pet name can actually increase your attraction for that person!^{[8]
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Research source} If your significant other used to call you “darling” all the time in texts, and now they’re using just your name instead (or not using names at all), their feelings towards you may be changing.
- Loss of pet names is a sign that they don’t see you the same way they used to, and are thinking of you as something other than a romantic partner.

7

They don't compliment you.

Compliments mean that a person is thinking about you. When people are interested in one another, lots of thoughtful texted compliments are to be expected. There’s no real standard for how many compliments a person in a relationship should give, but it should happen regularly. At their core, compliments are a sign that someone is focusing their attention on you, so if you don't get them in texts anymore, then this person’s attention might be wavering.^{[9]
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8

They cancel plans repeatedly.

When people are interested, they follow through or reschedule at once. Examine the last few times you’ve made plans over text to hang out with this person. If you’ve gotten more than a few last minute texts bailing on the plans you made, this shows that your date is not prioritizing your relationship anymore—and that it might be best for you to devote your time and energy to someone new.^{[10]
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- When the relationship is new, you and your date should both be making an effort not to cancel plans during the first couple of months. If your date does that more than once, it’s a sign they’re brushing you off.
- If your significant other immediately offers an alternative date and time when they have to cancel plans, this is a good sign. If they cancel plans with no intention of rescheduling, that’s when you know they’re losing interest.
- It's okay to call your date out if they do this one too many times. Send a text along the lines of: "Hey, it's me. I've been feeling like you're brushing me off lately. It's okay if you're not interested, but I would really appreciate if you would tell me either way."

9

They make plans, and don't invite you.

Making exclusive plans is another way to put distance between you. Being out of the loop is hard, especially when you’re being excluded by someone you care about! If you get a lot of texts saying that they’re busy with friends tonight, and can’t chat, then that person may be losing interest and reverting back into “single” life. This is especially true if you used to hang out with your significant other's friends and now you don't.^{[11]
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- When people are serious about a relationship, they want their significant other and friends to meet and get along. If your date is making plans without you, then they’re trying to keep you and their circle of friends separate—because they don’t think there’s any need to combine the two.^{[12]
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10

They don't send small, thoughtful texts.

Sweet little texts during the day mean they’re thinking about you. When someone constantly has you on their mind, they’ll send short texts to prove it; things like "how are you" and "good morning." Those texts won’t necessarily lead to long conversations, as they’re just a method to check in with the person you like and make sure you’re in their thoughts as much as they’re in yours. However, when a person is beginning to lose interest, those thoughtful little texts stop.^{[13]
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11

They text in response to a phone call.

When you call and leave a message, you should get a call back in return. Texting is far more convenient than phone calls in many cases, but your significant other needs to be willing to call you back. If all you get after every missed call is a text reply, then they’re actively ignoring your desire to speak with them, and that’s not okay.^{[14]
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Research source} Even someone who says they prefer texting can afford to make a call sometimes!
- Ultimately, while these are signs that a person is losing interest, they're also signs that your needs aren't being met—and you deserve to have that in a relationship.
- If the signs listed here are happening to you, you can talk to your significant other to get on the same page about it, or let the relationship go. Don't beat yourself up over someone losing interest; just move on and look for something even better!

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I get her attention and interest?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Build the relationship from a deeper place. Physical attraction is an important part of the picture, but it's also important to make sure that you're bonded in other meaningful ways. Working toward a common dream together (like buying a house or starting a family) is a great way to keep her connected and invested in the relationship.