What He Thinks when You Don't Text Him Back

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey and Dan Hickey

Last Updated: January 22, 2023 References

There are a lot of reasons you might not text a guy back, but what is he thinking when this happens? No two guys are the same, and there’s a wide variety of thoughts he might have after you stop lighting up his phone screen. If a guy is interested in you, chances are he’ll be inspired to try even harder to get your attention. However, some might move on or give up after too much silence. To help you predict how he’ll react, we’ve put together a thorough list of what guys think when you don't text back. If you’re ready to jump inside the male mind, keep scrolling!

Things You Should Know

He might not worry too much about not hearing from you—he might just think you are busy and will get back to him when you can.
If you have a newer connection, or this behavior is new, he might think you are playing hard to get, texting another guy, or even ghosting him.
He might also feel frustrated, worried, or confused by your lack of response.

1

He thinks you’re busy.

If you like him, it’s good if he simply thinks you’re unavailable for a bit. It shows that he knows you’ve got your own, fulfilling life to live and that he’s not insecure or desperate. This is most guys’ first assumption—he’ll probably keep thinking this for a few hours or for a day.^{[1]
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- If you’ve had good communication up until now, he’s probably thinking you’ll get back to him when you have the time.^{[2]
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2

He’s trying to brush it off.

Guys try not to overthink things, which may make him feel better. After a few hours, he’s probably telling himself things like “She’ll reply eventually” or “It’s not a big deal.” For some guys, it’s really not a huge deal. Others might start to get anxious or upset as time goes by.^{[3]
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- If you two don’t have a strong connection and he really doesn’t care about getting an answer, he might move on and start texting someone else.

3

He might think you’re playing “hard to get.”

Ignoring or responding slowly to texts is a classic “hard to get” move. He might think you’re trying to get him to chase you, or that you want him to think you’re aloof. If you left him hanging mid-conversation, he’ll suspect you planned to leave him wanting more.^{[4]
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- These days, we all know everyone has their phone on them 24/7. If you play “hard to get” too long, you might end up looking more rude than aloof.

4

He’s worried you’re ignoring him because you’re upset.

He might assume he did or said something wrong, even if he didn't. Whether it’s true or not, he’ll probably text you or make a gesture to show he’s still interested and available. The longer you hold out, the more anxious and ready to prove himself he’ll be.^{[5]
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- A lot of humor and emotion gets lost over text. If you’ve never met in person, he may think you misunderstood him (it’s easy to do until you actually meet).
- Right now, he’s probably rereading his messages trying to figure out what he said to put you off.
- If you’re not really upset with him and still want to see him, you may have an awkward time explaining why you weren’t answering his texts.

5

He’s agonizing over whether to text again or not.

Everyone struggles with sending a “double text” now and then. On one hand, he might be eager to text you again and restart the conversation. On the other, he wants to avoid seeming desperate or needy. If he texts you again and you still don’t answer, he may resolve himself to wait you out or just give up.^{[6]
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- Some guys can go for a long time without texting again to protect their ego. He may try again in the future if he’s interested, but he’ll wait a long time.

6

He’s just plain frustrated or confused.

If he thought things were great, he might have no clue what’s going on. It’s hard to feel like someone you like is slipping away, and he might start to develop hard feelings. If this happens, he’ll either express his frustration to you or just walk away.^{[7]
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- A lot of guys like to chase someone to some degree, but this excitement doesn’t last forever.

7

He’s telling himself you just didn’t get the message.

He’ll make himself feel better by blaming technology or his cell service. It might sound a little funny and delusional, but to him, it’s better than feeling like he’s the reason for the radio silence. He’s probably thinking things like “Maybe her phone is broken” or “My message must not have gone through!”^{[8]
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8

He suspects his texting style is boring to you.

He’ll get insecure about his texting game if he’s had this issue before. He’ll do his best to initiate more interesting or exciting conversations—hello, jokes and memes!—to reel you back in. On a bigger scale, he'll think he has to be a more interesting or creative person to make you happy.^{[9]
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- If he’s extra insecure, he’ll spend a lot of time analyzing previous texts to see where you started losing interest or getting bored.

9

He might think he has to do all the work.

He'll find things one-sided if he always has to start the chat. It seems like part of the chase at first, but always being the one to make plans or having to try repeatedly to get a text back gets old after a while. He may lose interest unless he really likes you.^{[10]
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10

He’s assuming you’re texting another guy.

In the age of dating apps, it’s reasonable to think he’s got competition. He might jump to this conclusion if you’ve been communicating regularly and then you stop responding all of a sudden. He’ll assume there must be another guy involved out of anxiety.^{[11]
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- Sometimes, this is a protective thought. It’s easier for him to think the problem is you, some other guy, or dating apps and texting in general rather than himself.

11

He’s decided that you’re not interested anymore.

It’s natural to assume you've been ghosted when the texts stop coming. He’ll probably take the hint and move on if you continue to leave him on read or barely respond. If you’ve only been on one date or haven’t even met in person yet, chances are he won’t take it too personally.^{[12]
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- When someone’s texting slows down dramatically, it’s a pretty universal sign for men and women that they’re losing interest or working their way to ghosting.
- On the flip side, ghosting him might inspire him to try and endear himself to you even more. It all depends on the guy and your previous connection.