How to Double Text Without Looking Desperate

Last Updated: May 21, 2022 References

No one likes to be left on read, but we've all been there. You may be wondering if your text went through (it most likely did) or what you could've possibly done wrong (probably nothing). Mostly, you might be wondering if you should send a second text. Double-texting doesn't have the best reputation in the dating world, but there are ways to do it without coming off as desperate. Read on for everything you need to know about remaining confident and cool while sending a double-text.

This article is based on an interview with our matchmaker and certified life coach, Christina Jay, NLP, founder of Preferred Match. Check out the full interview here.

1

Wait 2-3 days before sending a second text.

Give your crush a chance to respond to your first text. Just because someone doesn't respond immediately doesn't mean that they don't intend to reply. They might just be busy or distracted by other responsibilities at the moment. To avoid coming off as clingy, wait 2-3 days before you send another text. It'll give them time to respond and show that you're comfortable doing your own thing.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- It might be tough to wait this long, but try your best to be patient! Waiting to reach out will show this person that you don't need their validation and are comfortable on your own, 2 very attractive qualities.

2

Distract yourself instead of waiting by the phone.

If you're stressed, waiting by the phone will only make things worse. Rereading the text you sent or constantly checking your phone can increase your anxiety about the whole situation. Try putting your phone down and investing in another activity for a few hours. It'll help you remember the other things you've got going on in your life, which can put things in perspective.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Get some fresh air and go outside.
- Go to the movies or read a book.
- Hang out with your friends, but avoid spending the whole time analyzing your text conversation. Try your best to stay off the subject for a little while.

3

Stay positive and don’t jump to conclusions.

There are many reasons why someone might not immediately respond. You might be tempted to assume you've been ghosted, but try not to go there just yet. Your love interest might be busy with work or distracted by something else going on in their life. If you start worrying, remind yourself that there are tons of reasons why someone might not immediately get back to you and try to think positively.
- Replace thoughts like "I was a fool to think she would respond" with something like "She's busy right now, but I'll probably hear back later today."

4

Keep the second text light and fun.

Something fun and lighthearted might pique their interest. Resist the temptation to send a passive-aggressive or angry text right now. You'll have a greater chance of hearing back from them if you keep the conversation light.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Send your crush something funny or interesting that reminds you of them. If they're interested, they'll get a kick out of it and be motivated to respond.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- Send them a funny YouTube video. Or, you might try a catchy song, an interesting article, or a meme that appeals to their sense of humor.
- Use emojis to make your text more playful and flirty. Try 😉, 😏, or 😊.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Referencing their lack of reply might make things awkward between the two of you, especially if they've just been busy or you've only been on a few dates.

5

Ask a question to boost your chances of getting a reply.

It's possible your last conversation simply fizzled out. Your love interest may have not known what to say in response, or they may have thought your text was the natural end to the conversation. Ask a question to change the subject and encourage them to text you back.
- "Hey! How have you been?"
- "How's your trip going?"
- "Just listened to that album you recommended! Do you have any other music recs?"
- "Wow, you won't believe what my co-worker just did."^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Joshua Pompey
  Relationship Expert
  Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- "Have you seen this new Netflix documentary? It's so crazy."^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Joshua Pompey
  Relationship Expert
  Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}

6

Send 1 more text maximum.

If you don't hear back after the second text, they might not be interested. This may be tough, but try to remember that everyone has been rejected at some point (no matter how confident or successful). Remind yourself of all of your amazing qualities and avoid letting it affect your self-esteem. This person just might not be a match, or they may simply not have the time to commit to someone right now.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- If it turns out that you've been ghosted, try not to take it personally. This is a hurtful way to end things, but it has way more to do with them than anything you've done.
- Avoid sending an angry follow-up text if you've only been on a few dates. If you valued your connection, you might send a text asking for closure, but keep in mind that this might go unanswered as well.
- You might text, "I understand if you're not interested, but I would've appreciated hearing from you directly. I enjoyed spending time with you and thought we had a connection."

7

Match the person’s level of effort.

Use this trick to avoid coming on too strong. Send texts that are roughly the same length as the person you're texting and avoid sending a bunch of texts in a row unless they've been doing the same thing. When you're just getting to know someone, it can save you a lot of hurt if you avoid over-investing. Keep it light by matching your crush's level of effort in your text conversations, especially when you're sending a double-text.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- If this person is frequently sending you 1-word texts, for example, avoid sending a big block of text in response.
- Follow this tip within reason. If your text is a few words longer than their last text, that's nothing to worry about.

8

Text them during daytime hours.

Your date is way more likely to be on their phone at this time. If you text them late at night, they might be sleeping or too tired to reply. Stick to texting them between the hours of 9:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Even if you don't know their schedule, they're way more likely to be available.
- If you think of something funny or interesting to send them late at night, wait until the morning.

9

Save serious conversations for meeting up in-person.

Keep it light to ensure things move at a healthy pace. You might feel like it's easier to reveal personal details over text since you're not talking face-to-face. This can make you feel like you've established a closer relationship than you actually have, which may encourage you to send more double texts or vulnerable messages. To make sure you're not putting yourself out there too early, keep your texts light and save the serious topics for in-person conversations.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- When you first start texting someone, you might want to skip topics like rough experiences in your childhood or past relationships.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Talk about common interests, like music, movies, sports, or what you like to do for fun instead.

10

Use texting as a way to make in-person plans.

It's difficult to get to know someone over text. If you're really falling for your crush, you might be tempted to text them (or double text them) all the time. To make sure you actually have in-person chemistry, prioritize hanging out in person instead. Use your texts to make plans and save all the topics you want to talk about for your next date.
- Getting to know someone via text can be tough because you can't see their face or hear their tone of voice. You're way more likely to see if you have chemistry or similar senses of humor in person.
- Everyone has different texting styles. If you value texting a lot with the person that you like and this person isn't very responsive, the two of you may not be super compatible.

11

Move on if they continue to ignore you or take forever to reply.

You want to be with someone who puts in the same effort as you. If you're always having to double-text or wait days for a response, then it might be time to walk away. This might be tough at first, but know that there are tons of people out there who would love the chance to talk to you. Consider this a learning experience and keep putting yourself out there with new people.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- It's okay to be sad when something doesn't work out. Just don't let this stop you from meeting new people. The right person for you is out there!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if a guy is not interested in you through text?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

His texting frequency will slow down dramatically compared to the beginning of your relationship. Try not to take it too personally, though—this type of thing happens to just about everyone at some point.