How to Deal With Sharing a Room With Your Sibling

Last Updated: June 9, 2022 References

Having to share a room with your sibling can be tough, especially if they are messy, leave old food around, or like to wear your clothes. You may not want to share with them, but staying organized, being respectful, and communicating effectively can make sharing a small space tolerable.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Sharing the Space

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Create physical boundaries. For some siblings, it’s enough to name what in the room belongs to which person. Others need physical reminders of the separation such as labels, dividers or even duct tape. The room belongs to both of you, but being clear on which part is yours and which part is theirs will give you one less thing to argue about.^{[1]
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Research source} If boundaries are a real issue, consider stringing a curtain across the room to divide it in half and give the illusion of privacy.^{[2]
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2
Divvy up the furniture. Decide who will use which items in the room and agree on what will go where. If possible, buy two of everything. Choose who gets which drawers, use of the closet, the desk, and any other pieces of furniture. If your room doesn’t have a lot of storage space, buy plastic shelving or under-bed rolling storage bins for both of you.^{[3]
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3
Divide up responsibilities. Make a schedule that shows who will pick up the room, who will take out the trash, and who will vacuum and dust each week. If you are also sharing a bathroom, make a cleaning schedule that divvies up responsibilities fairly.
- Talk to your sibling about their responsibilities and your preferences this will minimize conflict between the two of you.
4
Find a private space. Sometimes you feel like you just need to get away from your sibling. If you can’t create any private space in your room, look for another spot in the house to get some alone time in. Perhaps a corner in the living room, the kitchen table, or a nook near the pantry are usually deserted. Claim your spot so your sibling can’t use it as well.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Getting Along in Close Quarters

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Be respectful. You love your sibling, but you don’t always like them. No matter what happens when sharing a space, you can choose to be kind and respectful to your sibling. Even when tensions are high, remember that they are a person with desires and needs that are different than yours.
- Respect their privacy by not reading their email and texts.
- Speak to them respectfully, and disagree with their actions without bashing their character.
- Share the space by agreeing on how many friends can come over, when other people are allowed in, and what to do when one of you is on the phone.
2
Set bedtime expectations. Agree on quiet hours. Your sleep schedule is bound to be different than your siblings, but try to walk and close the door quietly when they are sleeping. Use a white noise machine and invest in earplugs and a sleep mask.^{[4]
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Don’t touch their things. It’s tempting to pick up the pen on their desk or throw on a shirt from the floor, but if you know it isn’t yours, resist the temptation. Don’t “borrow” anything without permission, and don’t intentionally steal anything that belongs to them. Only use things that have been clearly communicated beforehand.
4
Be flexible. Things are bound to be misplaced or messy, your sibling will have a friend over, and you will want to go to sleep at 8 pm while they are playing video games. Having rules, boundaries, and responsibilities will help you avoid many conflicts, but when unexpected things happen, keep your cool. Use statements such as “What do you think about letting me know Johnny is coming over in advance next time instead of me finding him in our room?”
5
Be supportive. Your sibling has needs, desires, and problems, just like you. Assume the best, because almost all of the time, they aren’t actually out to get you.
- When you see them upset or stressed, talk to them and try to lighten the mood.^{[5]
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- Show empathy and try to understand their point of view.
- Be cooperative and helpful by occasionally picking up after them, bringing them tissues when they are sick, and turning off the lights when they go to bed.
6
Talk through conflicts. Frustrations are bound to come up when sharing a room, but holding them inside won’t help either of you. You will have conflicts throughout your life, so learning how to problem solve, apologize, and resolve them with a sibling will benefit you for the rest of your life.^{[6]
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- Instead of bottling pent-up anger, take some deep breaths while you notice how you feel and consider what you would like to change.
- As often as you can, negotiate, compromise, and look for win-win solutions.^{[7]
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- Admit to your part in any conflicts and make commitments to changing your behavior in the future.
- Make up quickly so problems don’t keep getting worse.
7
Have fun together. Sharing a room doesn’t have to be a chore. Do activities you can enjoy together, like playing video games, dressing up, or watching Netflix. Laugh at inside jokes. You won’t share a room with your sibling forever, but you can have fun while you do!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you survive a room with a sibling?

Chandler Chang, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Chandler Chang is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, the Founder & Owner of Golden Hour Therapy and Therapy Lab, and a Clinical Instructor at the University of Southern California. With nearly 20 years of experience, she specializes in providing evidence-based, science-backed treatments to toddlers, children, teens, families, and adults to target specific mental health problems or cultivate mental wellness. Dr. Chang earned a BA from Princeton University and a PhD in Psychology from The University of Georgia. She completed UCLA's pre-doctoral internship and trained at NYU’s Child Study Center and UGA Regents Center for Learning Disorders.

Chandler Chang, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Well, try to see the silver lining behind it. This will help you learn to accept another person’s flaws and to be flexible. Remember that you will not have total control over your environment in your adult life as well, so it's a good idea to develop some coping mechanisms right now.
Question

How do I get along with my sister when we have shared a room for 6 years? (She is 6 years younger than me.)

Community Answer

I have shared a room with my sister for 11+ years, and we are really close. One of the best things you can do is just spend time with her, doing stuff you BOTH like. Laughing and joking is great, but be careful not to take it too far. Don't be bossy, or a pushover. You're the oldest, she (hopefully) looks up to you, so live up to that expectation. Be honest with your sibling, and let her do the same thing. Be someone she can talk to about things, and try to understand and listen to her. Be trustworthy, but trust her too. You won't always be perfect, so don't expect her to be. Nights are a great time for big-sister chats, by the way.
Question

How do I set rules and boundaries about our room if my sibling won't listen to me?

Community Answer

Ask your parents to help you set boundaries if your sibling isn't listening to you. Just wait until a parent has time to really listen to you, and calmly, respectfully state what you need them to do. Don't whine.