How to Deal With a Much Younger Sibling

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Last Updated: January 29, 2023

Most older siblings see their younger brothers and sisters as nuisances and pains, but that's only if you treat them as such. No matter what your age difference, your brothers and sisters could become your best friends and will always be there for you. Sure, when they imitate and follow you around it's annoying, but there are better ways to deal with it than screaming your head off at them. You can deal with having a much younger sibling if you help out with them, deal with it when they annoy you, and address specific issues you have.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Helping Out with a Younger Sibling

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Help with the chores. Little kids can make big messes. One way you can deal with your younger sibling is by helping out. Doing chores and things to make it easier for your parents will help you have a more peaceful household in general.
- Wash the dishes after dinner or clean out the car to help out.
- Ask what you can do to help. For example, you could say, “Dad, what can I do to help out more around the house?”
- Pick up after your little sister or brother, or better yet, if they are old enough teach them how to clean up.
2
Spend time with your sibling. The more time you spend with your younger sister or brother the more you will get to know about them and like them. Also, it will give your parents a much needed break.
- Take some time to play with your little sister or brother. Play peek-a-boo, hide-and-seek, or even a video game.
- Read a book to your sibling and let them read a book to you. You could even make up a story together and write it down.
- Spend time just talking to your sibling to find out more about them and let them know more about you. Remember that everyone is unique and do your best to truly listen to them!
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3
Be a good role model. You can help out with a much younger brother or sister by setting a good example for them, and showing them the right way to act and to do things.
- Model appropriate behavior by being respectful to your parents and considerate of others.
- Make a habit of saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘excuse me’, and ‘you’re welcome when you’re with your younger sibling.
- Teach them the correct way to handle conflict by talking about the issue instead of blowing a fuse.
- Even if she is bothering you and annoying you, remember she is doing this because she wants to follow your lead and be a part of your world. Make sure to be kind and show respect, always.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Dealing With Annoying Behavior

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Act mature. Younger siblings can be very annoying and it can be easy to want to act like them. You may want to yell, scream, or even throw a temper tantrum. Instead, you should deal with your younger brother or sister by being mature and setting a good example.
- Calmly tell them to stop what they are doing. Don’t yell, scream, or hit your younger sister or brother.
- For example, if your sister is pulling your hair, you could say, “Vivian, please stop doing that. It’s really bothering me.”
- You can also just walk away or ignore your sister or brother when they are being super annoying.
- For instance, if your brother keeps repeating everything you say, then just stop talking for a moment or two.
2
Take a time out. Sometimes you may need to put yourself in time-out to give yourself time to calm down from your annoying younger sibling.^{[1]
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Research source} You can also use this time to think about ways that you can prevent the situation or handle it in the future.
- Go to another room or for a walk to give yourself time away from your sibling. If you can’t have privacy anywhere else, go in the bathroom and lock the door.
- For example, if you are upset because your toddler brother broke your favorite watch, then go outside for a few minutes to calm down.
- Do some deep breathing while you are in time-out to calm yourself down. Slowly breathe in through your nose, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Try not to take it personally and realize they are acting out because they have some unmet need.
- For instance, you come home to find that your younger brother has trashed your room. Go to the bathroom and take some deep breaths to calm down.
3
Express your feelings. Dealing with a much younger brother or sister can leave you feeling frustrated, annoyed, angry, or even hurt. Don’t bottle these feelings up, if you do they will explode when you aren’t expecting it and cause a big problem. Instead, find a mature way to express how you are feeling about what is going on.^{[2]
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- Talk to your parents or another trusted adult about how you feel and why you think your much younger sibling makes you feel that way.
- For example, you might say, “Mom, can I talk to you about some feelings I’m having about what Parker did to me?”
- Write about how you are feeling in your journal or talk to a friend about what is going on.
4
Be patient. One of the best ways to deal with a much younger sister or brother is to be patient with them. Whether they are an infant, toddler, kid, or even an adult that is much younger than you, if you can be patient instead of becoming quickly annoyed you will deal with them better.
- For example, if your little sister keeps asking you questions, you may want to tell her to shut up. Instead, be patient and remember that young children are curious.
- Or, for instance, if your younger brother is making you run late because he’s taking a long time to tie up his shoes, be patient with him.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Handling Specific Issues

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Ignore it when they copy you. Younger siblings often imitate and follow around older ones. They do this because they look up to you and want to be like you, but also simply because it can be fun. The best way to handle your younger sister or brother imitating you is just to ignore it and eventually they will get tired of doing it.
- Don’t tell them to stop repeatedly because they will probably just repeat what you are saying and annoy you even more.
- If you can, calmly go somewhere that they can’t come, like your room or the bathroom.
- For instance, if your much younger sister keeps imitating every movement you make, don’t have a temper tantrum, just ignore it.
2
Talk about tattling. Most much younger sisters and brothers develop a habit for telling your parents every little thing you do. They do it for attention, just to cause trouble, and sometimes because they don’t know what they should tell and what they shouldn’t. It can be super annoying but you can deal with this issue by talking to your sibling and your parent about what is going on.^{[3]
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- Tell your sibling, “You should tell Mom or Dad if I’m doing something to hurt myself or someone else. But, you shouldn’t tell on me just to get me in trouble.”
- Sometimes kids tattle because they want attention. If you play with them they may stop trying to get your attention in negative ways.
- Explain to your parents that your sibling’s tattling is really bothering you.
- You might say, “Mom, it really bothers me when Aaron tells you things I did, just to get me in trouble.”
3
Protect your privacy. Expect your younger sibling to try to find out your secrets and go through your things. You can deal with your younger sibling if you protect your privacy in advance.
- If you keep a diary or journal, make sure it has a lock. Don't keep leaving it in plain view or put it in obvious hiding places like under your mattress.
- Don't tell your siblings secrets you don't want other people to know. They might say they won’t tell, but accidentally blab to everyone.
- For instance, if you don’t want your brother’s friend to know you have a crush on him, you probably shouldn’t let your much younger sister find out.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I influence my younger siblings?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

Lead by example and treat yourself with kindness. If they see you treating your body like a trash can, they will too. If they come to you for advice, don’t send them away! Take time to listen to what they are going through. Chances are, you already went through it and can provide some valuable insight.
Question

What should you do if your sister is annoying you while you're on a playdate?

Community Answer

Try to be patient with her and remember that she just wants to spend time having fun with you, too. If possible, find something fun for a child her age to do while you are playing with your friend. For example, give her a book to read, a puzzle to complete, or even ask her to draw a picture.
Question

What should I do when my 9 year-old sister and 10 year-old brother try to sneak up on me while I am on my laptop? I tried playing with them already.

Community Answer

Try to distract them with an activity for just the two of them, like a scavenger hunt or competition. You could also let them know that you will play with them later, but right now you have to finish some work. If you need to, let your parents know that you need some help distracting your siblings while you use the laptop.

Warnings

Do not take discipline into your own hands, even if it is very tempting to do so. You are an older sibling, not a parent.

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