How to Be a Good Little Sister

Last Updated: November 5, 2021 References

Being a good little sister can be tough. You want to spend time with your older siblings and have fun. However, sometimes you may fight or feel like you are not getting enough attention.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.} Don't worry. You can learn to be a good little sister and have a good relationship with your siblings.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Communicating with Your Siblings

1
Say sorry when you need to. You won't always get along with your older siblings. You may hurt their feelings or make a mistake. When you apologize, you are admitting that you have done something wrong and are trying to fix it. When you apologize, be specific about what you did and how you will change your behavior. Here are some ways you can say you're sorry:^{[2]
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- "I'm sorry for being mean to you."
- "I'm sorry for ___. I won't do it again."
- "I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?"
- Your sibling may not forgive you right away. Give them a little time and space.
2
Do not talk if they are talking. If your sibling is talking to you or someone else, listen to them before you start to talk. Jumping in a conversation is disrespectful and can make you seem annoying. ^{[3]
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- Live by the rule that only one person talks at a time.
- Be a good listener and take turns talking.
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3
Express your feelings. Part of being a good little sister is telling your siblings how you feel. If they have done something that has hurt your feelings or made you mad, let them know. If they did something that you really appreciate, let them know that as well.
- For instance, you might talk about how you feel jealous of your sibling for getting more attention from your parents, or how you want to spend more time together.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Kason, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
- Never be afraid to talk to your siblings. Even if you guys fuss and fight, they still love you and want the best for you.
- Being able to talk will help build trust between you guys.
4
Do nice things for your siblings. If you are nice to your siblings, they are more likely to be nice to you. Doing kind things for someone is a way to let them know that you love them and you appreciate them. This is a really good strategy if you have been annoying or mean and want to make it up to your sibling.
- If you are at the store with your parent, try to bring something home that you know your sibling will like.
- You could also take out the trash for your sibling or do one of their chores one week.
- Do not tell your sibling what you plan to do. Let it be a surprise.
- When you do something nice, do not expect anything in return. Do it because you love and appreciate your sibling.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Resolving Conflicts

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Make an appointment to talk. If there is an issue that needs to be worked out, set up a time that you will meet to talk. Tell your sibling how you feel and then listen to their side. Try to stay as calm as possible.
- If you and your sibling are not good at working things out on your own, ask a parent to be there during the talk. Your parent can make sure that things do not get too heated.
- Try to stick to the specific issue you are having. For example, if the problem is that your sibling is spending too long in the bathroom before school, do not bring up how your sibling never lets you pick a show on the television.
2
Understand your sibling's perspective. When you are fighting, it can be hard to understand how your sibling feels.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.} For example, maybe your sibling kicked you out of their room because they wanted to be alone. You may feel that your sibling is being mean to you and does not want to spend time with you. However, your sibling may have had a bad day and need some alone time.
- Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask your sibling, "Why did you say that?" or "are you feeling ok?"
3
Avoid name calling. If you and your sibling are not getting along, calling them a name or putting them down, will only make things worse. ^{[6]
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Research source} This can be really difficult if you are upset. If you are too mad too talk, get away from your sibling until you calm down.
- Tell your sibling, "I'm really mad right now. I want to be alone. I'll talk to you later."
- Even if your sibling calls you a name, do not say something mean back to them.
4
Find a solution that helps both of you. To resolve a conflict, both people involved should get something that they want. If the solution is one-sided, only one person will be happy and the fighting may continue. You may have to give up something or offer something in return.
- For example, if you want to play with your sibling's phone you may say, "You can play my video game if you let me borrow your phone." You offer something you have that your sibling wants, so you can get something that you want.
- If you are not sure of a good compromise, ask your sibling, "What would make you happy?" or "Is there anything I can do for you/give you?"
5
Try to work things out on your own. If you and your siblings are fighting, try to work it out on your own before you get your parents involved. Try to talk and find a solution that works for the both of you. Solving problems on your own will strengthen your relationship and show your parents that you are responsible.
- If your sibling refuses to compromise with you, physically hurts you, threatens you, or bullies you, let your parents know.
- Deal with problems as they happen. Do not let things build up.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Being Respectful

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Do not bother them when they have company. When your siblings have friends over (and that includes boyfriends/girlfriends), don't bother them. You might want to talk and hang out with them or play with them, but they deserve their time alone. Wait until they call you. They will appreciate that and more likely want you to come back.^{[8]
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- If you start to hang out with them and they ask, "Can you get out now?" say, "Sure" and go and do something else.
- If you know that your sibling has company coming, already have some activities (e.g. play outside, read, watch a movie, play video games, color, etc.) planned that you can do.
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Ask before you borrow something. Your siblings probably have something that you like and would like to use from time to time. Always ask to borrow the item before you use it. Your sibling may need it or might not want to share with you.^{[9]
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- Say, "Hey, can I borrow your ___. I'll give it back to you tomorrow."
- If you do borrow something, take care of it and bring it back in the same condition that you got it. For example, do not borrow their phone and bring it back with a cracked screen.
- If your sibling says no, you can politely ask them why. You might be able to convince them if you know the reason.
- If your sibling refuses to share with you, do not beg or whine. Accept their answer.
3
Never eavesdrop. Eavesdropping will get you nowhere. You usually want answers, and you'll end up right back where you started because your sister/brother will find out and you'll lose their trust. If your sibling wants you to know something, they will tell you.
- If you do eavesdrop and overhear something, do not repeat it to other people (e.g. your friends, parents, etc.)
- If your sibling is on the phone or having a conversation that does not involve you, go to another room and do something else.
4
Don't be a tattle-tale. If there is something small that your sibling did, don't run to tell your mom. Talk to them before you tell your parents. If you can't work it out, then tell them. If your sibling is in danger or going to do something illegal, you can go ahead and tell your parents.
- If you are a tattle-tale, your siblings will not be able to trust you.
- Keeping secrets is a special, fun part of having siblings.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Accepting Your Role in the Family

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Try not to be jealous. You may get jealous of your sibling for many reasons. Maybe they get more attention from your parents, make better grades, or receive more compliments from other people. Getting jealous from time to time is normal, but you should not let it affect how you treat your sibling. ^{[10]
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- Anytime you feel jealous, remind yourself of something you accomplished. For example, if your sibling made straight "A's," think about how well you did at your dance recital.
- Congratulate your siblings when they accomplish something. If you support them, they are more likely to support you.
- If you begin to feel jealous, take a deep breath and as yourself, "Am I upset with my sibling or do I wish the situation was different?"
- If you are having problems with jealousy, talk to your parents or write your feelings down in a journal. It is best to deal with your feelings instead of keeping them in.^{[11]
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2
Do not compare yourself. You probably compare yourself to your older siblings. They may have special privileges or get to do things that you do not get to do. Your parents may also deal with them differently than they deal with you. This is not because you are not special or that your parents love you any less.^{[12]
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- Your siblings have different privileges because they are older. You will get more privileges as you become older.
- Your siblings may also be able to do things that you can't do yet. For example, your sibling may be able to ride a bike really well, but you are having a hard time. Remember that your sibling has had more time to practice, and they were not always good at riding a bike. Just keep practicing.
3
Understand that you may have different interests. As a little sister, your siblings may not always be interested in the same things that you are. This is more likely to happen if there is a large age gap between you and your siblings. Having different interests is normal and healthy.
- For example, maybe your sibling is a teenager and has begun dating. They may spend less time with you. Remember that nothing is wrong with you and that your sibling still loves you.
- Spend time doing the things that you are interested in and spend more time with your parents and friends. If you are busy, you will not be as sad about your sibling doing things without you.

Community Q&A

Question

What do you do if your sister is sick?

Community Answer

If your sister is sick, try to take care of her and make sure she is comfortable. Maybe you can bring her something to eat, give her her medicine, or watch movies with her. Be as nice as you can.
Question

How can I make my big sister happy?

Community Answer

The specific things you will do to make your big sister happy will depend on what your big sister likes. Find out things that she likes and then try to help her. For example, if you know she likes a certain type of candy, try to get her some. You can always be nice to her, compliment her, and be proud of her when she does something good.
Question

What if you blame everything on her?

Community Answer

You should stop blaming everything on your sister. This will only make your sister upset with you. Try to take responsibility for the things that you have done. It is not fair to blame your sister for everything.