How to Be a Good Sister

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: April 25, 2022 References Approved

Whether you're the older, middle or youngest sister, being a good sister requires tolerance, patience, and a willingness to spend time with one another. Communicating with your siblings will create tighter bonds that will help you both through good times and bad. Of course, siblings can fight, but as long as you approach conflicts healthily and maturely, you will find your relationship with your siblings growing stronger.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Bonding with Your Sibling

1
Communicate with your sibling often. Whether you live in the same house or across the country from one another, regular communication is important in enforcing sibling bonds. Stay in touch with your sibling any way that you can.^{[1]
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- Text or Facetime your sibling once a week if they live far away.
- Eat meals together if you live nearby.
- Text them to let them know that you are thinking about them.
- Send them pictures that they might find funny.
- Give them a card.
2
Spend time together doing fun activities. When you are together, plan some time just for you and your sibling. You can go out or stay in and just hang out. Do something that you will both enjoy. You can:^{[2]
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- See a movie together.
- Play a board game or video game.
- Play a sport together.
- Take a walk after dinner.
- Hang out at the beach.
- Go out to eat.
- Cook a meal together at home.
- Have an arts and crafts night.
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3
Find out what is important to them. You and your sibling may have different tastes, hobbies, and habits, but that doesn't mean that you can't still have fun with them. Find out what they enjoy or find important. Ask if you can join them next time they do it.^{[3]
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- For example, if your sibling plays soccer, ask them when their next game is so that you can cheer them on.
- If your sibling loves to play video games, ask them to teach you how to play their favorite game.
- If your sibling is into a certain band, see if they want to see a concert together.
4
Remember birthdays and special occasions. This is an easy and thoughtful way to show that you care. Mark on a calendar any special occasions that are important to your sibling, such as birthdays, weddings, or graduations. Buy a card and a small gift to let them know you are thinking about them.
- Select a gift that is meaningful for your sibling. For example, if your sibling does ballet, you might get them a ticket to see the local ballet.
- Gifts don't need to be expensive or elaborate. You can even make your own gift.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Supporting Your Sibling

1
Help your sibling when they need it. Whether your sibling is struggling with school, work, or personal issues, they can benefit from their sister's love and assistance. If they ask you for help, assist them in any way that you can.^{[4]
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- Don't wait for your sibling to ask you for help. If they seem like they're struggling, reach out to them. You can say, "Hey, is everything ok? Is there anything I can do to help?"
- Sometimes your sibling may not want you to interfere. Respect their decision, but state that you will be there if they change their mind. You can say, “I understand. Just let me know if you ever do want my help.”
2
Compliment them on their best qualities. Don't hold back on noticing your sibling's skills and accomplishments. Let them know when they have made you proud or what you admire about them.
- If you know your sibling is insecure about something, lift their spirits by admiring them. For example, if your brother is worried about getting into college, you can say, “You've been working so hard! No matter what ends up happening, I know you'll do well.”
- Congratulate them on them on their accomplishments. For example, if a sibling wins an award, let them know how proud you are.
- Give them examples of how their good qualities influence and impact you in positive ways.
- Let them know when they do things that inspire you. For example, if your sibling kept trying at an activity they struggled with, tell them that they inspired you to keep working at something you found difficult and that you admire that quality about them.
3
Appreciate your sibling for what they do for you. When your sibling does a favor for you or if they support you, express gratitude to them. Let them know that you appreciate their presence in your life.
- For example, you can say, “Thank you so much for always listening when I need to talk. It makes me so happy to know I have a sibling like you.”
4
Listen if your sibling needs to talk. When things happen in life, talking to a sibling can be a big help. You can get your siblings to open up to you by opening up them first. Be willing to share things and to listen to what they want to share.^{[5]
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- Sometimes, a person just needs someone to listen, not to give advice. Before sharing your wisdom, ask, “do you want my advice?” If they say no, just listen.
- Let your sibling know that you are listening by occasionally repeating things that they say. For example, you can say, “I see. So your boss overlooked you for the promotion?”
- Always keep your sibling's secrets. The only exception is where someone is likely to be endangered by keeping a secret.
5
Stand up for your sibling. If your sibling is having a hard time with someone, ask them what you can do to help. They may ask you to talk to the other person or to help them file a complaint. If your sibling asks you to not interfere, you can still provide emotional support by letting them come talk to you.
- If two siblings are fighting with each other, try to avoid taking sides. Instead, act as mediator to facilitate a win-win situation between them.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping the Peace

1
Establish your boundaries before problems arise. Don't expect your siblings to read your mind. Let them know ahead of time how they can respect your space and your belongings. Tell them in person, or post a sign.
- For example, if you buy special coffee, you may decide that you don't want other people drinking it. Ask your siblings to get your permission before using your special coffee.
- You can also ask them to respect your personal space and free time. You might say, "When I come home from school, I need 30 minutes to relax on my own. Please don't bother me during this time."
2
Handle conflict in a calm manner. If a fight does erupt, try to remain calm. Yelling or whining won't help you and your siblings solve the problem. Speak in a level voice, avoid accusing or blaming others, and try to focus on solving the problem.^{[6]
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- Speak calmly and stick to the facts. If you feel yourself getting heated, ask for time out and go to another room to calm down.
- If the issue is minor, try to laugh it off, and walk away.^{[7]
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- Do not bring up past conflicts in a current fight. This will only drag out grudges. Instead, focus on the issue at hand.
3
Avoid teasing siblings on sensitive subjects. Teasing is natural in a family relationship, but you should make sure that you never call out or make fun of an issue that your sibling is sensitive about. For example, if your sister is defensive about the way that she dresses, avoid making fun of her style.
4
Learn to compromise. Sometimes, you may need to compromise to prevent an argument. If you and your sibling's needs or wants conflict with each other, see if you can work out a solution. Remember that compromise is a two-way street. Both of you should give a little.^{[8]
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- For example, if you both like to have 20 minutes in the bathroom but your sibling needs to use it at the same time as you, cut the time in half for each of you rather than giving up your time.
5
Give your sibling space. Time spent together is great but so is time spent apart. If you crowd your sibling, they may feel suffocated. Instead, respect when your sibling needs time alone and time with friends.^{[9]
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- Respect their personal space and property. Don't touch or use your sibling's stuff without their permission. Avoid entering their room without their knowledge. If you share a room, don't snoop through their belongings.
6
Avoid judging your sibling. Your sibling may have a certain lifestyle that you disapprove of, but you should not judge or criticize them for living their own life. No matter how much you may disagree with them, try to respect your sibling's ability to make their own choices.
- If you know that a subject, such as politics or religion, is going to start a fight, avoid talking about it.
- If your sibling has a problem that could cause harm to them, such as substance abuse or suicidal thoughts, encourage them to get help.
- Let your siblings figure out some things for themselves. Making mistakes that are not life-threatening is part of learning and growing up.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do I do if my sister is in pain and is crying about something?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Sometimes just being present while she is crying can be comforting. Ask her if there is a way you can help or if she would like to talk about what’s bothering her. Let her know that you won’t judge her and that you will not tell anyone what she shares with you. Let her know that you feel bad knowing she is in pain and that you want to be there for her. Don’t give up, but don’t pester her either.
Question

How can I spend time with my older brother if he plays video games all day and doesn't go outside? He's 15 years old and I'm 11 years old and he says he's too old to play with me.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Try asking your brother if he will teach you how to play one of his favorite video games. Maybe he will be more wiling to spend time with you if you show interest in something he cares a lot about.

Warnings

Don't lie to your siblings or make up lies about them. Do this and it won't be long before they return the favor.

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Don't treat your sibling like you're better than them. Acting superior can lead your siblings to resent you.

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