How to Avoid an Online Romance Scam

Last Updated: December 2, 2022 References Approved

Due to the anonymity of the internet, lying and scamming can be incredibly easy. If you're not careful, you could get scammed out of your time (and feelings) or even money. So, how can you tell if the person who has contacted you via an on-line dating site is sincere or a scammer?

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Checking Out the Profile

1
Look at their profile picture. If their profile picture looks professionally done and can be found on a modeling website, chances are the person stole the picture. Sure, they may just be a lonely model, but how likely is that? You can use Google's image search or other reverse image search sites to see if this picture shows up on a stock image site. ^{[1]
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Research source}
2
Look at their height/weight proportionality. If someone is desperate to sound good, they may not remember that something like 6' and 95 lbs is not proportional, unless their diet is insane.

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3
See if they have a wedding ring on in the photo despite claiming to be single. It's up to you whether you're willing to get involved in an affair or not, but just remember this: if they've lied about their marital status, what else could they be lying about?
4
Consider the occupation. A scammer's occupation is usually some type of "Engineer" for men and a "Model" for women. It's just another way to make themselves sound like a good pick. Engineers make heaps of money, and models normally look beautiful. Now doesn't that sound amazing?
5
Copy parts of the profile. Use this to do a Google search to see if shows up on other websites.^{[2]
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Research source} If the profile is for another photo or perhaps man or woman, this person may be using the words verbatim and is a fraudster.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
Consumer Reports
Nonprofit organization dedicated to consumer advocacy and product testing
Go to source}
6
Ask exact and specific questions about some of the likes or statements on the profile. For example, ask things such as "What is your favorite character on the TV show?" that they listed.
- If they list they have a specific car or boat; check what kind of mileage they get or brand of boat.
- Ask about a particular restaurant in the city and Google the address.
- Ask how to get there from another easily accessed address close to this; for example, McDonalds is on First Street there, so is that next to the XXXX? Google Maps will usually show street names and even a street picture to help you gauge the accuracy of the response.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Learning From the Introductory Letter

1
Read their introductory letter. Scammers often use the phrase "Remember the distance or color does not matter, but love matters a lot in life". That phrase is used in a lot of love scam emails.
2
Be cautious if they immediately want to get you off the dating website and onto a IM chat.^{[4]
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Research source} Although they could simply enjoy IM chatting more, what they say in IM may not be reportable to the website, allowing their profile to stay up so they can draw in other people.
3
Check their spelling and grammar.^{[5]
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Research source} While plenty of people have bad grammar or spelling, see if it's inconsistent with the way people speak from where they claim to be. Also, if it is audio chat, see if his/her accent is what he/she claimed it to be (if the scammer happened to mention that before, of course).

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Getting Personal

1
Ask personal questions, including ones about where they claim to be from. Scammers do not like to answer personal questions about themselves and will often misspell the cities they say they are from. If they are unfamiliar with any of the local landmarks and attractions, this is another sign. If they claim to be from a foreign country, steer clear immediately, no matter how charming they are.^{[6]
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Research source}
2
Ask to see a photo with their face clearly visible and their username written on a piece of paper or their hand. At the very least, it will show you that they are the person in the picture. Even better, video chat with them if they have a webcam. It does not, however, mean that everything they say is the truth. Services like Chatroulette can be manipulated to show a photo of, say, celebrities, instead of their real selves.
3
See if they're hesitant to give their phone number. Early on if the relationship is getting 'established' it is not strange to ask your "friend" for a phone number or address where you can call spontaneously. Marrieds have to worry about spouses or children intercepting the call/visit. This will put most marrieds off quickly. As well, phone numbers and addresses are easily reverse engineered. Modern people finding sites can tell you if a 50 year old John Doe has ever resided at that address in their lives! If someone lives in Denver, Colorado, why do you need a country code for an African nation?

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Watching Out for Eager Romance

1
Be wary if they seem to get too serious too soon.^{[7]
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Research source} This may include using pet names (e.g. hon, love, babe, sweetie, etc.) immediately, or discussing marriage after a few IM chats. They may also claim that destiny, fate, or God brought you guys together and that they can't live without you. Most of this is all things to lure you in.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Setting Off the Money Warning Bells

1
Stop any and all communication, and report them, if they ask for money for any reason.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Federal Trade Commission
Website with up-to-date information for consumers from the Federal Trade Commisson
Go to source} They often claim they are in the hospital and the doctor will not perform the operation they need until you send them money. They could also say that they're so in love that they need to see you, but they need money to come visit you.

EXPERT TIP

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Our Expert Agrees: If the other person asks for money or you really get the feeling that they are scamming you, stop responding and block them. Online communication isn't like in-person communication, so it's completely okay to just stop talking without politely explaining why.

Warnings

Never send money. Scammers come in all forms, from the utterly stupid and despicable, to the utterly convincing. There may be the small chance that the person is telling the truth, but do you really want to risk it?

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If you are new to the site, be cautious of any long-distance or out-of-country interests.

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Never give out information that could be used to find you without making absolutely sure that you can trust them. This may mean even keeping your email (if the service allows it) a secret until you safely meet them in a public place.

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