How to Win a Woman's Heart

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Last Updated: August 3, 2021 References Approved

Have you found yourself the perfect girl and you want to help her fall as hard for you as you have for her? Does your girlfriend mean the world to you but you're not sure if she really feels the same? You can earn her heart with some help from wikiHow! Get started with Step 1 below to get on your way to a blissful relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Looking the Part

1
Don't try to attract every woman, try to attract her. Stop dressing and acting like you're hot stuff. You know the guy: the one that looks like he just stepped out from doing his test shots with a cheesy modeling agency, the one who gives The Look to every hot girl that walks by. Don't be that guy. Yes, women are initially attracted to this. But eventually they think that you're more interested in attracting women, in general, instead of attracting them.
- Don't dress overly flashy and try to focus on wearing things that you know she likes, rather than trying to think about looking how you think women like.
- You should similarly save the flirting and close conversations for her and not use them with other women.
2
Take care of your body. Taking care of yourself shows her that you can also take care of her if she ever wants to be taken care of. Practice good hygiene and exercise. You don't need to worry about losing weight, but you should feel healthy and in shape. Similarly, eat a healthy diet!^{[1]
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3
Dress like you mean business. Dressing poorly by wearing clothes that don't fit or have stains or holes show a woman that you don't respect yourself (which doesn't work in your favor!). Dressing in clothes that are out of date (too old fashioned), usually shows that you are mentally stuck in that time and cannot move forward. In order to show a woman that her heart is safe with you, dress in modern clothes that look good on your body, fit, and are clean.^{[2]
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4
Smell great. Women love someone who smells great. Shower regularly, use deodorant, brush your teeth, and you might even want to consider using a cologne or body spray. Citrus scents usually make for a clean scent that isn't overpowering, so they are a good place to start if you're not sure.^{[3]
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5
Be confident. Confidence is sexy to everyone! Show her how confident you are by taking initiative, never talking poorly of yourself, and speaking up for yourself (with other people too, not just around her).^{[4]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Acting the Part

1
Be you. Remember: you are at your best when you are yourself. If a woman truly loves you, she will love you for who you are. When we act like someone we are not, sooner or later we're not able to keep it up. Even if she would have loved you for who you really are, if she finds out you were faking she will feel lied to and may not love you anymore.^{[5]
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- Being yourself also helps you maintain your own happiness!
2
Respect her and everyone else. You probably know that you should respect her in order to win her heart (if you didn't, now you know!), but remember that it's also important to respect other people too. She'll always worry if she sees you treating others poorly that you'll treat her just as badly if she does something that makes you unhappy or does something else "wrong".^{[6]
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- Respect her and others by allowing them to speak and be heard, acknowledging their opinions, never belittling them or treating them as anything other than your equal, never lie to them, and never saying cruel things about or to them. Basically, be nice and polite!
3
Be passionate. You should be passionate in your relationship, but you should also be passionate in your life. Being around someone passionate helps us to be more passionate and engaged in our own life, so we are naturally drawn to people like this and want them in our life more. Be passionate in your life by exploring and celebrating the things that make you happy and unique, without worrying about what others think.^{[7]
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4
Bring the fun! Similarly to how we look for passionate people in our lives, we also like being with someone who makes our life more fun. If you can bring the fun into her life by finding great things to do and new avenues to explore, then she'll be completely in love.
5
Prioritize like a pro. Women have it a bit harder in life than guys. Most social systems put women at a disadvantage (they make less money than men, for example), and so they need a life partner that can help them in life, not make things even harder. If you want to win her heart, show her you're not going to be a burden. Have a strong work ethic, help her out when you can, and show her that you value her over other women.^{[8]
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- One good way to show her that she is your number one priority is to not be bashful about letting people know that she's with you and that you love her!
- Another way to show her that she is your priority is to make sure that you actually spend time with her! Don't make her feel guilty about taking up your time and show her how much fun you're having while you're with her.
- Be financially stable and maintain a job. It doesn't have to be a good one. Women will overlook a bad paycheck if they know they can rely on you and don't have to worry about what you do with that paycheck.
6
Care for her. Show her that you care. Man up and let your feelings show. Society tells men that they cannot show feeling and women are trained to think that showing feeling just scares men away so no one ever shows any feeling and we all feel terrible! Break the cycle! Let her know what you think and don't be afraid to show her how much you love her.
- Do nice things for her. Listen to her when she needs to talk about her problems. Work together as a team to deal with life's challenges. Encourage and help her achieve her dreams. Be unselfish in your relationship with her and showing her that you care will become a breeze.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Winning Her Heart

1
Give unexpected, targeted gifts. Yes, gifts are a good way to win a woman's heart, but not just any gift will do. Gifts should show that you care and that you specifically care for her. You don't want to give a gift that could be just as nice for your ex-girlfriend or your sister. Give a gift that is significant to her.^{[9]
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- Try giving her something in her favorite color, something she said she wanted or needed, or (best of all) something that reminds you of significant moments that you've had together or inside jokes that you share.
2
Bring her flowers when she's having a bad day. If she calls or texts you and mentions that her day is not going very well, bring her some flowers on your lunch break or when you get home. If she tells you at the end of the day, have the flowers sent to her first thing in the morning with a note like "I hope these help today go better than yesterday."
- Bonus points if the flowers are unique, such as giving her a tiny Christmas tree during a tough holiday season or a "bouquet" of stuffed kittens.
3
Put on a scavenger hunt for her. Leave her a series of notes, each one telling her something you love about her and a clue to the next location. End the scavenger hunt with dinner and a gift.
4
Make her something. Use your creative skills to make something for her. It doesn't have to be fancy or perfect. It just has to show that you think she's worth the time and effort. You can make her a card on nice paper, make her a necklace pendant, or make hr a sculpture for her desk (check your local art store for polymer clay).
5
Cook her dinner. When you've had a hard day, the last thing you want to do is add insult to injury by having to slave over the stove for half an hour, right? When you know she's stressed (or even when she isn't), help her out by cooking her a nice dinner.
6
Write letters to her. Write her letters as often as you can manage. You don't even have to talk about anything interesting, but it is a very useful time to talk about your feelings. This vintage touch will show her just how much you care, and charm your way into her heart.
7
Make her a mix CD. Make a cd/tape/USB stick with songs that are significant to your relationship or remind you of her. Try to tell the story of your love (how you felt before you had her in your life, how you met her, what you first thought, etc) through the songs that you choose.
8
Ask her for advice and take it. Women, like anyone, want to feel useful. They want to feel like they serve a purpose, especially to people that they care about. Let her be and feel useful by asking her for advice about problems that you have in your life. Importantly, you should take her advice and let her see that you've taken her advice.^{[10]
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Really know her. Know her for who she really is, not just who you want her to be or the face that she puts on for everyday life. Talk to her about things that matter and find ways to show her that you get her. For example, buy tickets to a play that you don't care about but that you know she really wants to see.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Extra Help

1
Become a great person to talk to. Women love someone that they can really talk to in a significant way. Someone they can talk to and have it feel natural and not awkward. Be that person and her heart is yours.
2
Be a fun date. You want to be someone that's fun to date. Don't just sit around, complain the whole time, or make her make all the decisions. Be active in the things you do together and help her to have a great time.
3
Master making out. Good kissing skills, while not the most important, are certainly important enough that you'll want to consider working on your skills. Remember, practice makes perfect!^{[11]
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Learn how to turn her on. Be good at knowing how to stoke her fires. This shows her how much you care about her own pleasure, not just your own! Pay attention to what makes her feel good and spend more time focusing on her.
5
Cultivate your sense of humor. Everyone loves to laugh, so show her that you can bring laughter and joy to her life by learning how to make her laugh better and more often. Avoid the cheap shots at others expense in favor of clever comments, as this type of humor tends to appeal to women more.^{[12]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you touch a woman's heart?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Try to understand the things that are significant to her. If you want to show somebody that you love them, try to understand why certain things have meaning to them. Find the beauty in those things, even if they're different from the things that you find meaningful.

Warnings

Don't stereotype her. Women aren't cut outs and treating them like they are is a fast way to show them how little you actually care about who they really are. Just like everyone else on the planet, every girl is unique. Appreciate yours!

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