Do You Think Your Girlfriend Hates You? 13 Reasons Why She Might Seem Upset

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: December 11, 2022 References

Your relationship seems different, and now you're worried your girlfriend hates you. You're probably feeling really hurt right now, but you're not alone. We’re here to help you figure out what’s wrong and the best way to fix your relationship. Since you care deeply for her, you probably want to do everything possible to make things right with her. Fortunately, your girlfriend probably doesn’t hate you—but it’s possible she’s mad. Read on to figure out why she might be angry.

1

She may be upset about something else.

It's possible she's stressed about another problem in her life. Unfortunately, she could be taking out that stress on you.^{[1]
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Research source} Try calmly asking her why she’s upset to see if she’ll open up to you. Be there for her to offer comfort and a place to vent.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Try saying, "Lately, it seems like you've had a lot on your mind. I'm here for you if you need to talk."
- You could also say, “I’m really worried about you because you’ve seemed so stressed lately. I’m here for you if you want to vent.”
- For instance, she might be having problems at home or could be having a hard time at school or work. In some cases, it’s possible she even has depression or anxiety.

2

She felt insulted by something you said.

Review your past few conversations to see if you said something hurtful. It may have been a total accident. Then, talk to her about what happened. Assure her that you didn’t mean to hurt her and promise to watch your words more carefully in the future.^{[3]
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Cleveland Clinic
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- Say, “I noticed you’ve been a little distant since our conversation yesterday. I was thinking about what I said, and I’m worried I may have hurt your feelings. Can we talk about this?”
- If she confirms you hurt her feelings, you could say, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I really messed up. I promise I’ll be more careful about what I say in the future.”

3

You did something that made her mad.

We all make mistakes and sometimes hurt the people we care about. She could be stewing over something you did, even though you never meant to hurt her. Figure out what happened right before she started acting angry. Then, take responsibility for hurting her and ask her how you can make it up to her.^{[4]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Try saying, “I feel like you’re upset with me because I went to Alex’s party without you. I’m really sorry I hurt you. What can I do to fix things between us?"
- As another option, you could say, "I've been thinking about it, and I really regret ignoring your text last night. I know that hurt your feelings, and I'm so sorry. How can I make it up to you?"

4

She feels like you don’t listen to her.

Your girlfriend needs to feel heard and understood.^{[5]
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Research source} Be there for her when she needs to talk about her feelings or what’s going on in her life. Then, validate her feelings by telling her you understand why she feels like that. Finally, try to offer her comfort when she needs it.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- To get her to open up, say, “I realized I haven’t been the best listener lately, but I want to change that. Tell me about your week.”
- You could also say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little down lately. Are you feeling okay? Can I do anything to help?”

5

You broke a promise to her.

Breaking a promise can make her distrust you. She might be pulling away from you because she feels like you let her down and might do it again in the future. If you know you broke a promise, bring it up so you can start repairing your relationship.^{[7]
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Research source} Apologize sincerely for hurting her and offer to make it up to her.^{[8]
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- You could say, “I know I promised to call last night, and I forgot. I’m so sorry! What can I do to make it up to you?”
- Or, try something like, “I’m so sorry I forgot I promised to take you home from school yesterday. How about I take you home today and we stop for ice cream?”

6

You’re always late for your plans with her.

Being late can make her feel disrespected or unimportant. If you’ve been late, acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake and that she has every right to be hurt. Then, apologize and assure her you’ll do better.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Say, “I know I’ve been late a lot recently, and I feel terrible about it. I totally get it if you’re mad. I’m so sorry and will definitely be on time next time.”
- Everyone runs late sometimes. In the future, always text or call when you’re going to be late.

7

She might be looking for your flaws.

It's possible that some of your habits are annoying her a bit. Chances are, you've noticed some habits of hers that are annoying, too. This happens when people spend a lot of time around each other! You just might be at the point in your relationship where she's getting frustrated over what you say or how you act. Even though this is pretty common, it's not okay for her to make you feel bad, so definitely talk to her about it.^{[10]
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- You could say, “Lately, I feel like you’re getting annoyed with how I act. Is that true?”
- If she’s hurting your feelings, tell her. You might say, “When you comment on my clothes, it makes me feel bad about myself,” or “It really hurt my feelings when you called my room a dump.”

8

She feels like you take advantage of her.

You might be taking more than you give in the relationship. It’s really easy to do this on accident, especially if your girlfriend has a giving nature. Fortunately, you can totally fix this problem! Do nice things for her without expecting anything in return. Additionally, tell her how much she means to you.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- For example, you might plan a special date for her. Set up a picnic, take her to a nice restaurant, or take her to see a band she likes.
- You could also give her a thoughtful gift, like a heart necklace, her favorite flower, or something you know she’s been wanting.
- You could tell her, “I’m so lucky to have you in my life,” or “You’re such an amazing girlfriend, and I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

9

She saw you checking out or flirting with other girls.

It’s natural for her to get upset if your eye is wandering. It’s totally normal to notice other attractive girls, but don’t check them out while you’re out with your girl. Additionally, save the flirting for your girlfriend. If you’ve been guilty of this in the past, apologize to your girlfriend so she knows you realize you made a mistake.^{[12]
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- Say something like, “It seems like you’ve been upset since you caught me staring at that girl yesterday. I’m really sorry for that. You’re my girl, and I only have eyes for you.”
- You could also say, "I realize now that I never should have danced with that other girl. It'd really hurt my feelings if you did that. I'm so sorry. I just wasn't thinking. You're the only girl I want to dance with."

10

She's doesn't like how you treat her family or friends.

Her family and friends are super important to her. She’s going to take it personally if you treat them poorly, can't get along with them, or don't make an effort to connect with them.^{[13]
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Research source} If you suspect this is what’s wrong, make amends by apologizing to your girlfriend and the person you hurt. Going forward, be nice to your girlfriend’s circle.
- You could say, “It was wrong of me to call Bree names. I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings, and I want to apologize to her, too.”
- Similarly, say something like, “I’m sorry I joked about your mom’s cooking. It was nice of her to invite me to dinner. I’m so sorry.”

11

She feels like your relationship has changed.

Ideally, your relationship will grow over time, but sometimes it gets stale. At first, you’re both trying really hard and everything is exciting.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.} Over time, you naturally relax and settle into a routine. This can make one or both partners feel mad or resentful. If this is the case, talk to her to find out what's bothering her.^{[15]
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- Try saying, "I was hoping we could have a long talk tonight like old times. I want to know all about how your life is going and what's new for you."
- You could also say, “Lately, I’ve felt less close to you. I really want to fix our relationship. Has something been bothering you?”

12

She thinks you’re too controlling.

Your girlfriend needs her independence. You might not realize you're trying to control her, but it's still harmful. She may feel smothered, which can make her resent you. You might be able to fix things by giving her more space to do what makes her happy. Here are some signs you might be controlling:^{[16]
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- You spy on her and make her tell you everything.
- You don’t give her alone time.
- You try to isolate her from her friends and family.
- You consider nice things you do as a debt she owes you.
- You belittle or criticize her so she feels happy to have you.
- You always have to have your way.

13

She thinks you’re verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive.

You might not even realize you're hurting her. Fortunately, you can fix things even if you've made mistakes in the past. If this is the case, it’s important that you get help from a therapist so you can change your behavior.^{[17]
X
Expert Source

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.} Here are some signs you might be abusive.^{[18]
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Research source}
- You put down your girlfriend or criticize her.^{[19]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jay Reid, LPCC
  Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
  Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.}
- You yell at your girlfriend.
- You try to control your girlfriend.
- You’re so jealous of other people that you isolate your girlfriend.
- You threaten to hurt your girlfriend, yourself, or people she cares about.
- You’ve pushed, hit, scratched, or grabbed your girlfriend or her pet.
- You manipulate your girlfriend into doing stuff she doesn’t want to do.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are some signs of narcissist behavior?

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University.

Jay Reid, LPCC

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Expert Answer

Outward acts of disrespect, questioning the intelligence of the partner, immediate dismissal of their opinion or point of view, mocking or humiliating them in the presence of mixed company are signs of narcissist behavior.
Question

What are the different stages of narcissist abuse?

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University.

Jay Reid, LPCC

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Expert Answer

Usually, there is a very intense initial stage of idealization. Once the bond is there with the other person, a subtle campaign of criticism begins. Then there is a phase of outward acts of disrespect towards the partner. Then lastly is the discard phase in which there is a breakup.