How to Turn Friendship Into Love

Last Updated: March 14, 2023 References Approved

Love stories that started off as friendships are often the most long lasting romances. If you have a friend that you are beginning to have feelings for, this can be scary and confusing. You may feel that you don’t want to jeopardize the friendship but you also don’t want to miss out on a good thing. However, if you change up your habits, be honest with them about your feelings, and begin being more romantic, you can turn your friendship into love.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Changing Up Your Behavior

1
Evaluate your feelings. Before you make a decision to pursue your friend romantically, you should think critically and carefully about why you like them and why you want your relationship to change. Remember that once you tell your friend that you like them, your friendship will be changed forever.^{[1]
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- For instance, if you want to date them just because you feel happy around them, this may not be the best reason to pursue a relationship.
- However, if your heart skips a beat when you see them or if it makes you jealous to see them date other people, your feelings may be worth exploring.
2
Talk to someone you trust. Before talking to your friend about your feelings, consult someone you trust like a friend or a parent. They have probably experienced something similar in their life and will be able to give you good advice and insight about how to proceed with your feelings.
- Your mutual friends will be able to help you out especially because they are familiar with the two of you and they will be able to be more objective.
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3
Flirt with them slightly. Though you cannot immediately transition into being in a relationship, you can begin to set the tone for your wishes. Flirt with them slightly sometimes. Gauge their reaction to your flirtation and if they respond positively or flirt back, this is an indication that they are also interested in you.^{[2]
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4
Throw out subtle hints. You can also begin throwing out hints here and there in regards to the two of you deepening your relationship.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} This is another way to gauge their interest in you to either encourage you to proceed or prevent you from moving too fast.
- You might say something like “My mom asked me if we were dating last night. I told her no, not yet.” Your friend will be intrigued by your answer and their answer will help you determine how they feel.
5
Look nice when you see them. When you see them, try to look your best. Make sure you are well groomed and clean and that you are well dressed. If you know they like a certain color or smell, try to wear that shade or fragrance more. Though relationships are about much more than looks, the initial attraction is important in establishing a spark. Looking your best can help to get the person to notice you and help them to see you in a new light.
6
Compliment them more. This is a great way to let someone know you like them without actually having to tell them. Most people enjoy receiving compliments and your friend is likely no exception. If they look particularly attractive one day, let them know. If they do well on a school project or an assignment at work, let them know that you admire their intelligence and work ethic.^{[4]
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- Don’t overdo the compliments, however. Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a bad thing. Stick to once or twice daily for a while.
7
Change up your body language. Flirtation and expressing affection for someone is about much more than just words. Your body can also express your feelings. Use your body language to make gestures that indicate that you like them.
- Lean into them slightly when they talk.^{[5]
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  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Look softly at them in their eyes when they speak.
- Smile brightly at them when you see them or when they say something cute.
- Laugh at their jokes.
- Touch them in slight, small ways. Put your hand on their shoulder briefly when you laugh at them or touch their knee briefly when you sit side by side and are speaking to them.
- You can also hug them when you see them and when you are about to leave.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Declaring Your Feelings

1
Gather your thoughts. After planting the initial seeds indicating that you like your friend, plan out what you want to say to them. Make sure to tell them that you value their friendship but see potential for something new and different. Though they may respond positively, know that they also may just want to be friends, which is okay, too.
- You may find that writing your thoughts out will help you organize them better.
2
Think before you speak. Your friendship will be forever changed after this moment, whether they decide to date you or not. Take sometime to be alone and to think critically about your decision before proceeding.
3
Set aside some time to talk. Reach out to your friend and let them know that you have something to tell them and that you want to meet up to talk. Assure them that it’s nothing at all to worry about, just an idea that you want to share with them to see how they feel.
- Meet in a quiet place that you both enjoy, like a park or a coffee shop.
- If you are very nervous about meeting, you can also have this conversation over the phone. It will be less pressure on both parties.
- If over the phone still feels like too much pressure, consider writing a letter to your friend expressing your thoughts.
4
Be honest and heartfelt. This is the time to tell your friend exactly how you feel.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} They may feel the same ways as you but have felt too scared to share their feelings. Open up your heart to them and tell them how much you love being their friend but you can’t help but feel something more for them.^{[7]
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- You might begin by saying something like “We have been friends for a while and I have loved every minute of it. I’ve loved it so much, in fact, that I find myself thinking about you quite a lot and looking forward to the time we have together. I wanted you to know that I like you, more than just as a friend. And if you don’t like me back, well I won’t exactly be happy, but I’ll understand. I just couldn’t keep this to myself any longer without seeing if you feel the same.”
5
Listen. After you have expressed yourself to your friend, being as honest and open as possible, take some time to listen to their response. Listen to them without waiting to respond, but simply to understand. Though this is an exciting time and you will likely be very nervous, try to focus as much as possible.
- You might want to say something like “Well, I’ve done quite a bit of talking and I’d like to know what you think now. Please be honest with me.”
- Answer any questions that they might have. They might ask you the moment you knew you felt something more, so take some time to think about that beforehand.
6
Give them some time to think. You may have shocked them with your words or they may have known it was coming. Either way, it is a lot of information to take in and you need to respect them enough to give them the time to process their feelings. Tell them that you don’t need an answer right away unless they are prepared to give you one on the spot.^{[8]
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- If they feel the same way as you, then that's great! If not, that will be okay, too and life will go on.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Romanticizing Your Friendship

1
Start slow. Don’t jump into being in a relationship right away; this typically is unsuccessful in creating a long lasting and meaningful partnership. Instead, take your time to get to know your friend in this new and different way.
- Things will be and feel different now that your relationship has become beyond friendly. Enjoy this but be patient as well. Don’t rush or hurry love.
2
Start going out more alone. If the two of you typically see each other in groups or with mutual friends, start setting aside time to be alone together more. Relationships can often deepen and develop when fostered apart from others.
- Don’t abandon your friends for your newfound relationship, however. Still spend time with them, just take time to also spend alone with your new sweetheart.
3
Go out on a date. The more things progress, the time will come for the two of you to go on a proper date. Set aside some time to go out to dinner with one another or to a movie. Dates really set a tone of romance in a relationship and will further move you two away from friendship and into love.
- There are also other options for dates like a picnic in the park or going horseback riding.
4
Don’t rush being physical. Though this newfound love may be very exciting and fun, keep it cool for a while when it comes to showing physical affection. Even though your dynamic has already changed, it will change even further when you decide to move your relationship forward physically.^{[9]
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- Be careful and wait for the right time.
5
Plan a romantic gesture for them. To further solidify your newfound love for this person, do something romantic for them. Love is grown out of mutual adoration and care for two people and it is often fed when you do nice or sweet things for them. Take some time to think up something cute that you can do for them.
- Send flowers or write a love letter.
- Buy them a small, but thoughtful gift.
6
Enjoy your newfound love. If they are your friend, you likely already loved them before your relationship changed. However, the space you are now entering into is new and exciting and significantly different from your platonic friendship. Enjoy this new love and go forth and be happy!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I tell if my friend is into me?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Flirt with them and see if they flirt back. See if they want to impress you. Also, pay attention to if they get jealous of your dates and are always pointing out something wrong with them.
Question

There is a girl I have bee friends with for many years and she pretends to be my girlfriend in front of her friends. I have feelings for her. What should I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Seems like she might have mutual feelings or you as well. Girls are more subtle about being direct. Follow this article and you should be fine.
Question

I have confessed to a guy that I like him and he said he appreciates my honesty. We are good friends. What should I do next?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Be a bit more proactive at this point. Suggest activities to do alone as a couple and see if he's interested. This will reveal if he's really interested in moving further.

Warnings

You can't make someone feel something that they don't.

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Keep your behavioural changes small and subtle

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Don't suddenly become obsessive

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Don't come on too strong.

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Make sure they doesn't already have a significant other.

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Remember that a lot of people are afraid of losing a good friendship, so take things slow. If they still feel uneasy about the situation, don’t pressure them. It may be best to remain as friends.

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Don't stare at them and make them uncomfortable.

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