How to Text a Girl You Just Met

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Sending text messages to a girl you just met can be a fun, private way to learn more about someone you found attractive or fascinating. When texting a girl you just met, you want to come across as respectful and interesting by showing some class and asking questions that lead to ongoing, exciting discussions. If done right, you can even make her look forward to seeing you again in person and arrange another meetup or date.

Things You Should Know

Don’t worry about texting her too early or waiting a certain number of days before you hit her up.
If you want to play it safe and you really don’t know anything about her, there’s nothing wrong with something like, “Hey! How’s it going?”
If you want to stand out a bit, be original and use what you know about her to craft a friendly, short intro text like, “Hey Marissa! You buy anything interesting at that craft fair you were telling me about?”
You can try running out a pickup line if you got the vibe that she was into you when you met, but that’s a risky move and it’s unlikely to work if she doesn’t have the hots for you.
For a more roundabout way of sparking a conversation, text her with an excuse; something like, “Hey! It’s James from the bar last night. What was the name of that movie you were telling me about?” will break the ice nicely.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Showing Proper Texting Etiquette

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Give it time. You might be tempted to text her as soon as you score those digits, but think twice: texting her while she’s still standing there could signal to her that you don’t trust her to be honest about her number, and may give her the impression that you’re pushy or overbearing.
- If you genuinely just want to make sure you copied her number correctly, you can show her or read it back aloud and ask her to confirm its accuracy.
- The exception, of course, is if she asks you to send her a text so she can log your number, too, or if she sends you a text first as a way of giving you her number.
- While there’s no firm rule about how long to wait before sending that first text, it’s usually a good idea to wait until the following day (or the evening of the same day if you got her number in morning / early afternoon and have long since parted ways). Any sooner makes you seem too eager, but any later makes her wonder if she’s anything more than an afterthought to you.
2
Text her when she will likely be available. If you want your crush to respond and feel excited about your texts, text her when you know she’s available. For example, if you know she works until 5 p.m., wait until after 7 p.m. to text her when you know she’s relaxing at home.^{[1]
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- Use context clues from your first meeting to figure out if there are any abnormalities in her schedule. For instance, if she talked about being exhausted after switching to swing shift, you'll know not to call her between 3 p.m. and 11 p.m.
- If you don’t know the details of her schedule, it’s usually safe to assume she has a standard schedule. Texting in the evening, from about 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., will be a safe bet for your first text. You can pay attention to when she responds during subsequent texting and adjust your timing as needed.
EXPERT TIP

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Don't make her wait too long to hear from you. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "Some people say you should wait a certain number of days before you text someone you like, but to me, that just feels like a game, and it's not authentic. If you're excited about her, text her immediately. She'll feel more confident about being forward with you if you're that way with her."

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Keep text messages relatively short. Short text messages are more effective at grabbing someone’s attention and keeping them engaged. Short texts also prevent your crush from growing bored while she’s waiting for your responses, and prevent you from seeming too needy as a result of sending long, detailed stories about your life.^{[2]
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- While this is especially important when texting a girl you just met, it’s a good guideline to follow in the future, too. Texting should usually be reserved for short, lighthearted conversations; save lengthier topics of conversation for after you’ve gotten to know her better, and for phone or in-person chats.
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Use correct spelling and proper grammar. Writing correctly sends a good first impression, and makes it look as though you value her enough to write well thought-out messages that make sense.^{[3]
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- On a similar note, avoid using too many acronyms and abbreviations. This can lead to misunderstanding and end your conversation if she doesn’t understand exactly what you’re trying to say. Spell out full words when you’re tempted to use acronyms, and use simple acronyms in moderation, such as ASAP.
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Use emoticons in moderation. Emoticons are cute and funny at the right moments, but can seem annoying and silly if you use them too often, or at the wrong times. For example, when she shares a story that legitimately has you laughing out loud, share a laughing emoticon to show that you think she’s hilarious.
- Use emoticons only when you want to want to emphasize a certain emotion. Most people interpret an emoticon in the same way they would interpret the corresponding real-life facial expression, so emoticons can help you clarify that you're happy, sad, or silly when making a certain remark.^{[4]
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- On the other hand, a person's facial expression doesn't often change that much every millisecond--so if you litter a text message with a dozen different emoticons, you’ll come across as less sincere and potentially untrustworthy.
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Text the girl about as often as she texts you. Texting too often, or way more than she texts you, can make you come across as desperate, needy, and less attractive. Maintain her interest by keeping your text ratio close to 1:1.
- It's not necessarily a bad thing if you end up starting most text conversations early on, but avoid doing so if she never replied back to a previous text that needed a response. Sending a second or third text if she hasn't replied to your first can make you seem desperate.^{[5]
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Be flirtatious without being overtly sexual. If the two of you flirted when you met, you can also be flirtatious when you text. Always be polite, though, and tailor your texts based on what she's comfortable with.
- To start out, aim to be funny, sweet, or a little cheesy. A good flirtatious text to open with could be along the lines of, "You were so beautiful last night that I completely forgot my pickup line,"^{[6]
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- Avoid sending anything rude or overtly sexual. Sending sexy messages and photos to this girl so soon can result in her feeling offended and blocking your number. Wait until you’ve spent more time together before sending texts of an intimate nature, and make sure she’s comfortable with it before sending her something she’d wish she could unsee.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Finding Text Conversation Topics

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Open with a text related to how you met. This is an ideal way to break the ice, and to remind her who you are. Plus, it shows that you remember details about your interaction. For example, if you met her at a study group, ask her if she’s fully prepared for her upcoming test.
- Similarly, you could also continue a conversation you had when you met her. If she recommended a certain movie, for example, you might say something like, "I just watched (movie title) and see what you mean about the (plot/cinematography/characters)." You can then ask for her opinion about a specific part or detail, or ask if she's seen a similar movie, to keep the conversation going and encourage a reply.^{[7]
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Use what little you know about her to your advantage. Since you just met this girl, it’s true that you may not know much about her--on the other hand, since you managed to get her number, you probably know at least something. Scan back through the conversation you had when you met and find some detail about her you could build a conversation on. Since most people enjoy talking about themselves, asking her to divulge more about herself can encourage conversation.
- For example, if she casually mentioned that she enjoys running at the local park, ask her how far she runs, or about her workout routine.
- As another example, if she only briefly mentioned that she works with kids, you could ask her what type of childcare work she does, if she enjoys it, and so on.
3
Try a random conversation starter. If you mentally combed through your initial meeting and you're still stuck for ideas, a random question that piques her curiosity might work. Just make sure you choose something both interesting and lighthearted.
- For this method, it's best to skip the standard greeting and jump right into the topic, creating the impression that the thought just suddenly came to you.^{[8]
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- As an example, you might ask something like, "Quick! Which is better: gelato or frozen custard? This is super important..."
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Send text messages that sound intriguing. Come up with messages you know will trigger an immediate response from this girl due to their mysterious, intriguing nature. For example, tell her you had a crazy dream about her last night. Chances are, she’ll respond shortly to ask you for details about your dream.^{[9]
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- Keep the tone of your initial meeting in mind when going this route, however. If you met under casual circumstances without a hint of romance in the air, or if she seemed hesitant about giving you her phone number, you might want to go easy on comments about seeing her in your dreams until after some trust and romantic context has been built in person.
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Send texts that make her laugh. Using humor is an effective way to bond and grow closer with most individuals, including your crush. When in doubt about what to say, share a funny joke or picture that makes her laugh without causing offense.^{[10]
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- Skip negative or demeaning jokes--even those about yourself--and opt for goofy one-liners built on things like puns and everyday observation.^{[11]
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  Research source} For example, you could try something like, "I think the brain is the best, most fascinating organ. Then again, look what's telling me that."^{[12]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Plans to Meet Again

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View texting as a gateway to spending more time with her in person. The most intimate moments between you and this girl should take place in person--not via text. Try to text her sparingly, and save texting for when you’re breaking the ice or making plans to see one another in person.
- Getting a girl’s phone number can be exciting, but don’t get so caught up in that excitement that you forget the endgame. Use texting as a way to stay in touch and create a line of communication that will allow you to see her again.
2
Strike while the iron is hot. Don't drag your feet and procrastinate before asking her out on a date or a casual outing. You may not know this girl well since you just met recently, but since she gave you her number, she's probably already interested in seeing you again.^{[13]
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- This is especially true if you talked a lot when you met. In this instance, you might even start the conversation by directly asking to meet again: "I had a great time talking with you the other day. I'd love to meet up again -- how's next Saturday?"
- If you didn't talk much when you met or wish to chat some before asking for a date, it's fine to text back and forth a bit beforehand. You should still try to ask her out within a few days; otherwise, she might get the feeling that you're weighing your options or uninterested.
3
Use what you know to choose a time and place. While not crucial, it often helps to have a time and place in mind when asking a girl for a date. This might seem difficult since you probably don’t know much about a girl you just met, but try to use whatever clues are available to you to come up with possible suggestions.
- For instance, if you met at a bar or social outing, there’s a decent chance that time slot is often open on her schedule. You could try asking her out during that same time slot the following week.
- If you were talking about a local sports team, ask her if she’d like to go to a game. If you met while volunteering, ask her to attend another event related to the same cause. If you met at a school assembly, ask her if she’d like to meet at the library for a study date.
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Be direct. No matter when you ask her out, the text requesting the date should be clear, concise, and respectful.^{[14]
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Research source} Don't make her pry the details out of you or leave her guessing about the nature of the date.
- Try to suggest an exact day and time for the date. If she says this doesn't work for her, you could ask her if another time might be better--but let the matter drop for now if she says she isn't sure.
- Similarly, don't get rude if she rejects the date completely. It's possible that she simply doesn't have any free time right now; rudeness will ruin your chances at getting a date when she does. Even if she really is brushing you off, though, it's her loss--skip the guilt trip and simply shake off the rejection.
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Consider calling instead of texting. Nowadays, it’s acceptable in many circumstances to arrange a date via text instead of doing so with a phone call. It might even be more comfortable for both you and her. If you feel up to the challenge, though, consider making an actual phone call and asking her out that way; the little bit of extra effort you show in doing so will demonstrate just how earnest you are about getting to know her better.
- You can still use texting to confirm the details of your date later on if you wish to have a written record of the time and place.

Warnings

Avoid sending revealing photos of yourself to your crush after you’ve just met. Revealing photos should only be shared with individuals you know and trust. This also helps prevent your photos from being shared or leaked publicly via text message and on the Internet.

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