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This article was co-authored by Christy Irvine, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut.
There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 35,016 times.
Even when you have the best interests of others at heart, showing compassion is not always easy. It’s a skill that takes time and effort to cultivate. One simple way to show your compassion for others is to listen and communicate with sincerity, empathy, and kindness. You can also show your compassion through actions, such as advocating for others or volunteering for good causes. In order to show true compassion, it’s important to cultivate a compassionate attitude.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Communicating Compassionately
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1Listen actively to others. While it may seem simple enough, listening actively and compassionately takes practice. When you’re listening to another person, give them your full attention. Put away your phone or other distractions and focus fully on what they are saying instead of thinking about how to respond. Don’t interrupt or try to offer advice unless they ask for it.[1]
- You can show the other person you’re listening by making eye contact, nodding, or using verbal cues, like “uh huh,” or “yeah.”
- To make sure you understand what the other person is saying, try rephrasing their words and asking for clarification. For example, “It sounds like you’re struggling at school and you feel like your teachers don’t want to give you the help you need. Is that right?”[2]
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2Offer a gentle touch if it’s appropriate. While physical touch isn’t always appropriate or wanted, it can be a very powerful tool for showing compassion and creating a human connection. If you’re talking with someone who is going through something difficult and you’re not sure whether they’d appreciate a supportive touch, ask them.[3]
- For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re having a terrible day. Would you like a hug?” Or, “You seem really scared right now. Would it help if I held your hand?”
Tip: Even if a good hug or a pat on the shoulder always makes you feel better, be aware that even the most gentle and well-meaning forms of physical touch can make some people very uncomfortable.[4] If somebody asks you not to touch them, don’t take it personally, and always respect their wishes!
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3Give the person you’re talking to positive reinforcement. A few words of encouragement can go a long way towards making a difficult situation easier for someone. Show compassion by saying a few kind, supportive words to someone who needs them. Depending on the circumstances, you might focus on their strengths, their accomplishments, or their positive personality traits.[5]
- For example, if a friend is struggling to accomplish a goal, say something like, “I know it’s tough, but I’m so proud of how hard you’ve been working on this!”
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4Express your own emotions sincerely. If someone else is going through a tough time, showing your own emotions can help them understand that you really feel for them and care about what they are experiencing. Don’t be afraid to show how you are feeling with your facial expressions and reactions.[6]
- For example, if a loved one is talking to you about their grief over a recent loss, don’t be afraid to show your own sadness or let yourself shed a few tears. This will help them see that their sadness means something to you.
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5Validate the other person’s feelings. When someone is struggling with difficult emotions, denying or minimizing their feelings isn’t helpful. Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s reaction to a situation, let them know that you acknowledge their feelings and accept them as they are.[7]
- Don’t tell the other person to “get over it” or minimize their feelings by saying something like, “It’s not that bad!”
- Instead, simply reflect their feelings. For example, say something like, “I can see you’re really angry about this.”
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6Respect other people’s wishes and boundaries. Being respectful of others is an important part of compassion. If someone asks you to keep something in confidence, don’t share it with others.[8] If they let you know that something you’ve said or done makes them uncomfortable, acknowledge it and avoid repeating the behavior.
- Always use your best judgment, however—for example, if someone tells you they're planning to hurt themselves or someone else, don’t hesitate to call emergency services or tell someone who can help. It's okay to tell a secret if it's necessary to keep someone safe.
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7Think about whether your words are compassionate before you speak. Your words can have a real impact on others, so it’s important to consider what you want to say before you express yourself.[9] Take a few moments (or even more time, if necessary) to reflect on what you really want to say and what you hope to accomplish by saying it. Ask yourself if what you want to say follows the THINK guidelines. Is it:[10]
- True?
- Helpful?
- Inspiring?
- Necessary?
- Kind?
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Acting Compassionately
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1Treat others the way they'd like to be treated, when possible and reasonable. The Platinum Rule is one step beyond the Golden Rule—instead of treating someone how you'd want to be treated, treat them how they want to be treated. Different people have different attitudes, ideas, and desires than you do. Do your best to accommodate this.
- For example, maybe when you were 17, you couldn't wait to move out of home and explore the world on your own. But if your 17-year-old son wants you to help him through the transition to adulthood because he's overwhelmed, then you should give him extra support.
- The Platinum Rule won't apply in every situation. You may not always know how someone wants to be treated. Or their expectations may be unreasonable or unhealthy. (For example, just because your two-year-old wants to be the boss of the household doesn't mean she should be.) Use your best judgment.
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2Follow the Golden Rule if you can't follow the Platinum Rule. One easy way to show compassion in your actions is to follow the Golden Rule—simply treat others the way you’d like them to treat you. It’s important to stick to this rule even with people you dislike or those who do not reciprocate your kindness.[11]
- For example, even if your coworker is consistently rude and inconsiderate to you, make an effort to be polite and civil to them at all times. Greet them politely, say “please” and “thank you,” and open the door for them if their hands are full.
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3Practice random acts of kindness. Truly compassionate action is something you do in order to help others without expecting any reward or recognition. Look for opportunities in your everyday life to perform kind and helpful acts without seeking approval from others.[12]
- For example, you might shovel a neighbor’s driveway, offer to help carry someone’s groceries, or give a stranger a sincere compliment.
- Your acts of compassion may inspire others to perform kind actions of their own.
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4Be an advocate for somebody in need. Standing up for someone who needs help is an important form of compassion. There are many ways to be an advocate, including speaking up when you see someone being mistreated or helping someone connect with resources that might not have been accessible to them.[13]
- For example, if you have a friend or family member who is dealing with a medical issue, you can be an advocate by going with them to doctor’s office visits, taking notes, and asking questions about their care.
- Connecting with your own humanity can really help you foster empathy for other people. Try to recognize that you are a human being among other human beings on this planet, and that we all have some shared experience of being human. Try to keep that on the forefront of your mind when you're witnessing other people suffering or going through hard times.[14]
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5Volunteer for a cause you care about. Being compassionate isn’t always about helping people one-on-one. You can also show compassion by volunteering your time or resources for larger causes.[15] Do an online search for volunteer opportunities in your area, or reach out to charitable organizations that you care about and ask how you can help.
- For example, you might volunteer to mentor kids in your area who are dealing with hardship, or spend time helping out at your local animal shelter.
- Double-check an organization's reputation before supporting it. Some organizations, like Susan G. Komen for the Cure and Autism Speaks, cause harm and don't do as much good as you might think.
Tip: In addition to contacting individual organizations, you can also find volunteer opportunities through websites like VolunteerMatch and CreateTheGood.
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6Model compassionate behavior for others. Studies show that compassion is contagious.[16] By performing kind acts in front of others, you can serve as an inspiration and a role model.[17] Set a good example for the people in your life by treating them and others with kindness and respect.
- If you have kids, treating them with love, kindness, and respect will help them form a compassionate mindset that can last a lifetime. You can also set a good example for your children by treating others compassionately in their presence.
- If you see other people in your life behaving compassionately, offer praise and encouragement. For example, “Lucy, I thought it was amazing how you stood up for Ben at school today. That took courage. I’m so proud of you.”
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7Do what you believe is right, even if others criticize you. Other people may not always agree with your compassionate choices. If someone else criticizes you for taking a compassionate action, don’t let it discourage you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do the right thing.[18]
- For example, if you offer to help a relative who’s struggling financially, someone else in the family may accuse you of coddling or enabling them. Say something like, “I understand your concerns, but everyone falls on hard times now and then. I think it’s really important to support Beth right now as she’s getting back on her feet.”
- Being compassionate takes courage, especially when others don’t agree with what you’re doing.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Cultivating a Compassionate Mindset
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1Develop self-compassion. In order to show compassion to others, you must first learn to be compassionate towards yourself. You can practice self-compassion by acknowledging and praising your strengths and accomplishments, accepting your flaws without judgment, and forgiving yourself for your mistakes.[19]
- If you struggle to treat yourself with compassion, think of the kindest person in your life. Strive to treat yourself the way they treat you.
- Self-care is an important component of self-compassion. Caring for yourself properly can mean many things, including sleeping well, eating well, getting exercise, and doing things you enjoy.
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2Accept others’ flaws and weaknesses. Being compassionate towards somebody doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they do. It is important, however, to both recognize their good qualities and accept their bad ones. Remember that all people have the potential for good, even if their actions don’t always meet that potential.[20]
- While it’s okay to be critical of other people’s actions, try to avoid judging them based on your own prejudices and assumptions. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and recognize that they have their own struggles and challenges.[21]
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3Be patient with those who are struggling. It can be terribly frustrating to watch someone make mistakes or behave in self-destructive ways, especially if it’s someone you love. However, remind yourself that in order to be truly compassionate, it’s important to offer love and kindness even if the other person doesn’t respond to it the way you’d like or continues to behave in ways you don’t agree with.[22]
- This doesn’t mean you have to put up with abuse or stay with somebody whose behavior is harmful to you emotionally or physically. Instead, focus on maintaining a loving, empathetic attitude even if you have to build stronger boundaries or completely cut ties with the person.
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4Practice mindfulness to become more compassionately aware. Being mindful can help you become more patient and more aware of what’s going on within and around you. If you find yourself feeling frustrated or upset, stop what you’re doing, breathe deeply, and try to become aware of what’s happening in your body and mind without judgment. Practicing this kind of compassionate self-awareness will help you build the skills you need to be more compassionate with other people.[23]
Tip: Mindful meditation is a great way to build your mindfulness skills and increase your capacity for compassion. Compassion meditation is another great meditative practice for building up your compassion for yourself, your loved ones, and humanity in general.[24]
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References
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23406/10-easy-ways-to-cultivate-compassion.html
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201808/not-everyone-wants-hug
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/emotion_coaching_one_of_the_most_important_parenting_practices_in_the_histo
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/lee-colan/think-before-you-speak.html
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/9-important-ways-that-will-make-you-treat-people-better.html
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23406/10-easy-ways-to-cultivate-compassion.html
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ Christy Irvine, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_compassionate_species
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition#how-cultivate-compassion
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/200911/what-compassion-is
- ↑ https://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/200911/what-compassion-is
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23406/10-easy-ways-to-cultivate-compassion.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/200911/what-compassion-is
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_mindfulness_make_you_compassionate
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/compassion_meditation?_ga=2.58118186.1232472420.1551898206-1944681115.1551898206
- ↑ https://www.mindful.org/compassionate-boundaries-say-no-heart/
About This Article
Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Christy Irvine, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut. This article has been viewed 35,016 times.
Co-authors: 4
Updated: February 16, 2023
Views: 35,016
Categories: Kindness
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