How to Show Emotion

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Eric McClure

Last Updated: June 7, 2021 References

If anyone has ever told you to “open up more” or “show some emotion,” you may be wondering what they really meant. It’s easy for us to get caught up in our own little worlds and hide what we’re feeling from other people. Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re being guarded or hiding our feelings. But even if it isn’t intentional, bottling up can make it hard to connect with people, and it can lead to problems in the long run if we struggle to share or show how we’re feeling. If you can open up more to others, you’ll see how rewarding and invigorating it is to connect on a deeper level!

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:

Take a minute to process emotions as they develop.

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Relax and think through your feelings as they come to you. Whenever you feel something, take a second to sit with what you’re feeling. Think about how you feel and let the emotion wash over you naturally. It will be a lot easier to show how you feel if you take a moment to analyze what you’re feeling.^{[1]
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- This will make you more aware of how your feelings influence the way you think.
- For example, if you notice that you often get frustrated at other people when you’re not in control, you can stop yourself from lashing out in an unproductive way in the future.

Method 2

Method 2 of 13:

Name your emotions as they come to you.

1
Giving your feeling a name makes it easier to understand. Once you’re comfortable with a feeling, give the emotion a name. Is that pit in your stomach excitement, or are you anxious about something? If you don’t feel anything particularly moving, are you bored, apathetic, or content? This process will make you more self-aware. It will also help you express what you’re feeling.^{[2]
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- Try to avoid over-exaggerating. Did you really “hate” that business meeting, or are you concerned about the company’s direction? Did you “love” your dinner, or did you just enjoy it? Even when emotions feel really powerful, naming them accurately can reinforce your sense of self-control.

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:

Maintain a journal for your feelings.

1
Self-reflecting by writing will help you build your emotional intelligence. One way to build on your ability to open up emotionally to others is to keep a daily journal. Treat it as a special space for you to open up and be honest. Every day, jot down a paragraph or two about your day and how it makes you feel. This will help you track your feelings over time and put you more in tune with yourself.^{[3]
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University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
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- Writing about your feelings every day is also therapeutic. Taking time to write through your frustrations and joys is a great way to keep your mind from running all over the place at night.
- For example, you may write, “Today, I went to class and then grabbed lunch with Jamie. I was completely bored by class, but that’s okay. We’re covering more interesting material next week. I really like hanging out with Jamie, and we had a great meal…”

Method 4

Method 4 of 13:

Practice matching your facial expressions to your feelings.

1
Demonstrating how you feel is easy if you’re mindful of your expression! Smiling, grimacing, or frowning is a great way to communicate how you’re feeling without saying anything. If you tend to mask your facial expressions or try to hold them in, just let it go. Smile when you’re happy, laugh when something is funny, and frown if you’re upset.^{[4]
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- Facial expressions are totally natural, so try not to be self-conscious about it.

Method 5

Method 5 of 13:

Adjust your body language to reflect your emotions.

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Your nonverbal behavior is a large part of how you express yourself. Face the person and make eye contact to appear comfortable and open. If you face the person you’re talking to and make eye contact, you will appear natural and convey a sense of calm.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Dan Klein
Storytelling Teacher
Expert Interview. 22 March 2019.} This can also make you seem receptive, friendly, and open to conversation.^{[6]
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- If you aren’t feeling great and you want to be left alone, keep your head down and hide your hands.
- This is really important when you’re interviewing for a job, trying to network, or going on a first date. If you seem closed off and you aren’t making eye contact, it can make you appear squeamish or nervous.

Method 6

Method 6 of 13:

Raise or lower your voice to emphasize the way you feel.

1
Communicate intensity by controlling the volume of your voice. If you’re trying to convey anger or excitement, raise the volume of your voice a little bit. If you’re trying to communicate fear, nervousness, or submission, lower the volume of your voice. Practice controlling the volume of your voice when you’re talking with people to get better at accurately conveying the way you feel.^{[7]
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- This is one of those things that people rarely think about, but the volume of your voice plays a big role in how people understand the way you’re feeling.

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:

Push yourself to share every day.

1
Talk about your daily experiences with your loved ones. If you see your spouse, partner, or family every day, have a quick chat about your day went. These little check-ins are a great way to open up and get used to sharing how you feel.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.} By openly discussing your daily experiences, you’ll find it much easier to navigate difficult times and much more rewarding to celebrate the good times.^{[9]
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- Communication is a two-way street. Make sure that you actively listen to others when they’re telling you how they feel as well.^{[10]
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- For example, instead of coming home from work and just turning the TV on, take 5-10 minutes to talk to your partner or roommate. You may say, “Wow, I had a really exhausting day at work. I was really productive, but I am totally wiped. How was your day?”

Method 8

Method 8 of 13:

Treat small talk as an opportunity to connect.

1
Respond honestly when close friends ask, “How are you doing?” If you’re one of those folks that always says, “I’m fine” when a good friend or family member asks you how you’re doing, stop! Instead of ignoring this little question, treat it as an opportunity to open up and share how you’re feeling. Even if you think they don’t really want to know how you feel, people do care about you and they’ll be happy to see you opening up.^{[11]
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- For example, if your mother asks you, “How are you doing?” you may say, “You know, I’m kind of frustrated with work lately,” or, “I’m actually really great. I’m looking forward to this road trip next week.” These little interactions are a great way to open up to your loved ones.
- If a stranger or acquaintance asks you how you’re doing, it may not be appropriate to start sharing everything on your mind. It’s a good thing to be honest with close friends and family, though!

Method 9

Method 9 of 13:

Compliment people to express gratitude.

1
Being appreciative is one of the best ways to show emotion. It’s also a key part of strengthening your relationships while spreading positivity. If you’re trying to show emotion more often, a lot of that communication is going to be focused on your experiences and feelings. Spreading the love is a great way to share how you feel while improving the lives of those around you!^{[12]
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- If verbal communication isn’t your thing, say it with gifts! Buy your partner some flowers or chocolates. Offer to take your best friend out to eat. Giving gifts—even when they aren’t expensive—is a great way to show people you care.
- For example, if a coworker performs gives a really good presentation, pull them aside and tell them how great they did after the meeting is over.
- If your spouse cooks a great dinner, really go into detail and tell them how much you loved the recipe. Say “thank you” and emphasize how much you appreciate them cooking for you.

Method 10

Method 10 of 13:

Set boundaries and enforce them with others.

1
Assert yourself politely if someone upsets you or crosses a line. Some people let negative emotions build up until they reach a boiling point. To avoid this, assert yourself in the kindest way possible when you’re angry or irritated. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll solve potential conflicts without things getting out of hand.^{[13]
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- For example, If a coworker snaps at you during a meeting, say, “I don’t appreciate you talking to me this way. I’m willing to discuss this calmly, but this isn’t called for.”
- If a close friend keeps blowing off your dinner plans, say, “It frustrates me when you call off at the last minute and it makes me feel like you don’t value our friendship.”

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:

Acknowledge and admit when things aren’t great.

1
Allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing unpleasant feelings. When you discuss your anxieties, fears, and concerns, you show people that you trust them. If something is bothering you, tell your partner, best friend, or family. It can be tempting to compartmentalize negative feelings, but this can make it hard to discuss painful topics in the future. It may also give the impression that you’re hiding something.^{[14]
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- If someone you’re close to notices something is on your mind and they ask, “What’s wrong?” tell them. You may say, “Honestly, I’m really upset about the way the conversation with my brother went today. Do you mind if we talk about it for a bit?”
- Never feel bad about telling people how you feel. This may be embarrassing or scary at first, but it’ll get much easier over time!

Method 12

Method 12 of 13:

Engage in fun activities to share experiences with others.

1
Do things you enjoy with people you love to share positive emotions. Dedicate one night a week to go out and grab dinner with your family. Take a cooking class with your partner, or go on a 20-minute walk every day. Being emotionally available and sharing how you feel is a lot easier when you have fun with the people you care about, and tough conversations are a lot easier to put into perspective when you’ve developed a positive bond.^{[15]
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- Always show your positive emotions! Whenever you’re in a great mood, tell your partner. It can be exhausting for your partner if you’re only ever sharing the negative stuff.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:

See a therapist if you want help expressing yourself.

1
There’s no shame in getting help with sharing your feelings! Therapy can be deeply productive if you want to actively get better at showing your emotions.^{[16]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.} Find a therapist near you and meet with them regularly to discuss your problems and feelings. They’ll help you improve your communication, accept yourself, and show you some coping strategies to handle negative self-talk.^{[17]
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- If you’re trying to open up and share how your feeling, consider cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a type of therapy where you focus on fixing unhelpful ways of thinking to change your behavior.^{[18]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  Go to source}
- If you’re in a relationship and you’re working on opening up to one another, couple’s counseling is a great option.
- There’s nothing wrong with going to therapy. There’s a huge stigma surrounding mental health, but it can be really helpful! Don’t be embarrassed about seeing a therapist.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I express my emotions better?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Be open about what you're feeling and communicate it clearly with other people so they're aware as well.
Question

Can a therapist help with emotions?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Yes! Your therapist can help you identify and process your emotions. They'll also help you learn to better express your emotions.
Question

Is non-verbal communication as important as verbal communication?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Non-verbal communication is very important when it comes to conveying yourself. Make eye contact when you speak and allow your hands to move when you talk.