How to Know if a Hug Is Romantic

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Amber Crain

Last Updated: October 18, 2022 References

Hugs can be so ambiguous! If you received a hug from someone and you're wondering what it meant, we can help you figure it out. Since you can't usually judge someone's feelings based on a single element, like how long the hug lasted or when it occurred, we've put together a full range of possibilities for you to consider.

1

Approach

Hugs from behind are usually romantic. A hug from behind is a really familiar gesture between two people who trust each other a lot. If you received this kind of hug from someone, you're probably already pretty close to them and reasonably sure there are romantic feelings there.^{[1]
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- If they approached you from the side and put one arm around your waist, this is definitely a "buddy hug." This kind of hug can be really sweet, but it doesn't indicate romantic feelings.^{[2]
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2

Body language

Were they rigid or did their body melt into yours?^{[3]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} A stiff or rigid hug is probably neutral. If they were stiff and there was an all-around awkward vibe the whole time, they may be uncomfortable with hugging, or they may have felt obligated to hug you because everyone else was hugging.
- You can’t judge based on smiling alone, but the bigger the smile, the happier the other person is to see you. If the smiling continues well after the hug, they definitely feel affection for you, but it could be friendly or romantic.^{[4]
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- Little or no eye contact usually means there aren’t romantic feelings.

3

Pressure

The tighter the squeeze, the more affection the person has for you.^{[5]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} The affection can be friendly or romantic, though, so it’s probably best not to judge based on on pressure alone. The exception is if they gave you a super limp or loose hug, since that usually implies neutral feelings rather than romantic ones.^{[6]
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- Consider how much space was between your bodies. Did they press their body against yours? If so, they might have romantic feelings for you. If they pressed their hips or pelvis against yours, they’re almost certainly into you.^{[7]
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- A loose or rigid hug is a little different than a gentle hug. A warm, gentle could be a sign of tenderness or friendship.^{[8]
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4

Length and timing

A quick squeeze is usually platonic. The longer the hug lasts, the more likely it is that they have romantic feelings for you.^{[9]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Take timing into account, too. Friends often give each other hugs as greetings or when they part. If you’re in the middle of hanging out and the person reaches out to hug you, even just as a quick gesture, that’s usually more significant and could mean they're into you.^{[10]
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- Friends usually hug to greet each other and to say goodbye, so you can’t really consider one of these hugs to be romantic.

5

Hand position

Generally, the lower the hands, the higher the physical attraction.^{[11]
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Research source} If their arms encircle your waist and they press their hands against your lower back, that might be a romantic hug—especially if they draw your lower body in closer to theirs. It’s harder to tell if they press their hands against your upper back, though, since friends often do that.^{[12]
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- If they touch your butt or stroke your hair, they’re probably into you!

6

Arm placement

Did they use one or both arms to hug you? One arm around the neck or shoulder is usually a buddy hug. If they put both arms around your neck, consider other stuff like how tightly they squeezed you and what other body parts where touching during the hug. If they came in under your armpits and put both arms around your upper body, that’s pretty friendly.^{[13]
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- On the other hand, putting both arms around your waist and pulling you closer can definitely indicate romantic feelings.^{[14]
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7

Hand movements

Circular back rubs are more affectionate while patting is pretty neutral. It’s hard to judge on hand movements alone, but the back pat is usually reserved for friends, especially if they pat your back quickly once or twice.^{[15]
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- A lot of back patting usually means they’re consoling you or feel sad for you for some reason. It generally doesn’t indicate romantic feelings.^{[17]
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8

Body contact

If only your upper body parts touch, the hug is probably neutral. If your upper bodies and chests touch, that's usually a friendly hug. If your chests and pelvises touch during the hug, though, there's probably some sexual attraction there!^{[18]
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- It’s a little harder to tell if they give you a full-frontal hug and press their cheek to yours. The cheek press implies that you’re close to each other, but it can be a friendly gesture if you haven’t seen your friend in a long time.

9

Situation

Hugging at special events is pretty normal for friends. Special events can be happy (like a graduation) or sad (like a funeral), but either way, friends usually hug each other at these times. You can also tell by looking to see what everyone else is doing—if everyone is hugging at the event, don't assume the person has romantic feelings for you.^{[19]
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10

Frequency

Have you hugged this person recently? If you just saw them yesterday and they hugged you then, too, it's more likely that they have feelings for you. It's harder to tell if it’s been a while since you've seen them, though. A friend might give you a big, platonic bear hug if they haven't seen you in a while.^{[20]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How long is a romantic hug?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

There isn't an exact time estimate, but romantic hugs definitely last a bit longer than your standard hug.
Question

Can you feel romance through a hug?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Definitely! You can feel the immediate tension and chemistry in a romantic hug.