How to Satisfy a Long Distance Lover

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: October 29, 2020 References

It can be hard having a long distance lover. You don't get to see them in person very often, and sometimes you feel like you can't satisfy your loved one enough. Thanks to advances in technology, long-distance lovers can connect much more easily to satisfy one another emotionally and physically. Be creative and try out many different strategies before deciding which method suits you best.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Connecting from Far Away

1
Send emails throughout the day. Satisfy a long distance lover by sending emails every day. Mix the emotions of the emails between being light and humorous to deep and loving so they are always laughing yet still feel that love, intensity, and lust from you.
- Including the mundane details of your day is actually important to make the long distance relationship seem more present. It might seem like a boring email to talk about work projects, meal plans, etc., but it can help you and your partner feel more connected to each other's everyday lives.
- Just be sure emails are sent to a private, personal email and never through a work or school platform.
2
Show yourself off. Since you don't get to see them in person, send them pictures and videos of you.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Professional Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Send them via email and also via text message, or you could even send developed copies of pictures via snail mail. Send a variety of pictures. Some should be loving, smiling shots, but don't forget to throw in a few naughty ones as well.
- When sending pictures keep in mind of potential consequences of them falling in the wrong hands. Try to minimize this possibility by securing both your phones and preventing others from accessing sensitive content.
Advertisement
3
Write an old-fashioned romantic letter. Use snail mail to your advantage. Don't forget the power of snail mail and the lasting effect of an intimate handwritten letter sprayed with your favorite perfume or aftershave. Fill your letter with all your deepest darkest secrets of what you want to do with them, then give it a spritz of perfume, cologne, aftershave, etc. so that they can inhale your scent while reading. This will intensify their emotions even more. ^{[2]
X
Research source}
4
Shake things up with some phone fun. Have long conversations on the phone and use dirty talk to keep things fun and satisfying. Tell your partner what you would like to do with them if you were there physically. You can also try out sexting, which is phone sex through text messages. Either way remember check with your partner to make sure phone sex is acceptable to you both, and only say or do what you feel comfortable doing for a safe and enjoyable time.
- It can be exciting to tease your partner about a scheduled phone sex date. For instance, try texting in the middle of the day “I can’t wait for tonight” as a form of foreplay.
5
Don't forget your webcams. Chat on Skype or use a webcam to pleasure yourself and your long-distance lover. Make them feel like you’re in the same room by performing a private dance for your loved one. Skype can be used for a form of “phone sex,” too. Just be sure to follow good practices.
- For example, ensure that you set your “date” for when you both have privacy and can engage with one another without distraction. Start things off slow by complimenting your significant other and telling them how attractive and alluring they are. Share details about what kind of things you wish could do to them.
- If you feel comfortable, you and your partner can undress and watch each other pleasure yourselves for the ultimate experience.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Every Visit Count

1
Be spontaneous sometimes. Surprise them with an unexpected visit to let them know you miss and want to see them. Then, you're right there to do everything that you've promised. It might be best to give your partner a heads up so that they don't have other plans that complicate your trip.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- If your partner has a roommate or a close friend you are in contact with, you can work with this person to plan your visit and make sure your partner is available.
- When you’re together, do your best to enjoy every moment of the visit so that you both walk away satisfied.
- It's also important to consider the status of your relationship before showing up unannounced. Are you and your long-distance lover monogamous? If not, you might want to check in to be sure your lover isn't going to be out with someone else during your visit.
2
Go to a new place together. Doing something new together is a wonderful way to explore the world and forge a deeper bond with your mate. When you are able to be together, plan a short jaunt to a special place like a lake or cabin to enjoy one another. Try out new activities like rafting, hiking, or horseback riding to up the excitement factor.
- Sometimes, planning trips can be incredibly expensive and stressful.^{[4]
  X
  Research source} Make things simpler by choosing a location midway between where you both live. Meet up in a hotel or resort. This can allow you both to save on travel and provide you with a whimsical getaway that you can enjoy together.
3
Give your partner something to remember you by. Before you depart from your visit, give your partner something that will turn them on while you’re away. This might be an intimate piece of your clothing with a naughty note, telling them how much you miss them and how much you just can't wait to be with them again. This will make them crave being with you.
- You can also gift something for your partner to use during your Skype session such as a sex toy.
4
Leave behind a happy surprise. In addition to giving your partner something to keep the flame burning, you can also go one step further and hide a small little gift for them to find. Leave little notes in their pockets or bags so they can discover them when you're not there. You could write something like “I’m missing you,” or, “I wish I was here to ____.”^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If you leave behind notes, be sure that you hide them in a place that is used exclusively by your partner so that someone else doesn't come along and ruin your surprise. Try their clothing drawers, in a wallet or purse, or in the pockets of a favorite article of clothing.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining the Relationship

1
Work to sustain trust on both ends. Trust is an integral part of making any sort of relationship work. Yet, in other types of relationships, the ability to see each other physically can keep insecurities at bay. In long-distance relationships when you’re only seeing your partner every couple of weeks or months, it’s extra important to maintain trust in the relationship.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Professional Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- Unless your partner has given you any reason to have distrust, give them the benefit of the doubt and try to keep your jealousies in check. Checking their Facebook or worrying about who’s talking in the background during a phone call can cause resentment. Reconsider if a long-distance relationship is a good choice for you if you continuously have trouble trusting.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
2
Be consistent. Normal, face-to-face relationships count on seeing one another and engaging regularly to keep the spark alive. Since you and your partner don’t have the option to do that, it’s important that you are consistent and committed about putting time and effort into the relationship. Establish a pattern or “routine” with your partner in which the both of you can depend on the other to be a constant part of life.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Professional Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- Coordinate your schedules so that you know when the other is available. Make an effort to stick to your “routine,” such as calling each other around the same time each day.
3
Communicate effectively and regularly. Maintaining satisfaction on both accounts relies on frequent communication. In order to feel fulfilled in your long-distance relationship it’s essential that the two of you are actively involved in one another’s lives. This doesn’t mean you have to talk all day long, but it does mean you should be willing to share what’s going on in your everyday lives, express your thoughts and opinions, and ask for your partner’s input.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Professional Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
4
Be on the same page. A successful long-distance relationship equates to both partners having an understanding of the other’s expectations.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Professional Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Being miles apart becomes even more difficult when you don’t know where you stand in the relationship. This creates an environment that is susceptible to distrust, jealousy, and even infidelity.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Have a talk with your partner to discuss what both of you want from the relationship. Are you in it for the long haul or just casually seeing how things go? Clearly communicate your expectations to your partner and be willing to listen as he or she does the same.
- You should also discuss romantic boundaries. Some couples opt to allow each other to have physical relationships with others if they are going to be apart for months or years, while other couples would see this as a betrayal. Discuss this with your partner, as you might have different ideas about what is allowed in long-distance
- You can broach the subject by saying “I really like you and I hope you feel the same. Where do you see us going?” and then being patient as your partner communicates their goals for your long-distance relationship. If your goals do not align, you may have to decide if you want to end the relationship.

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I tell if a long-distance relationship is right for me and my partner?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

A common vision is a key motivating factor to endure the difficult moments in a long-distance relationship. Before you get into a long-distance relationship, you should have a shared vision about your relationship and understand that you are willing to accept the consequences of long-distance. Knowing how the long-distance arrangement fits into your shared long-term goals is essential for overcoming the challenge of the distance.
Question

How do you establish your needs when it comes to sex when you're dating long-distance?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Physical distance can have a dramatic impact on your sexual relationship. This is why it's important to be clear and honest about your sexual needs and expectations. Have an honest conversation with your partner and come to an agreement on both sides.
Question

Is it possible to maintain a long distance relationship?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Yes! Just make sure you both understand each other's expectations. Communication is key, and you also need to spend time talking and interacting with each other on a regular basis. Both of you should be actively involved in each others' lives.