How to Make Your Long Distance Boyfriend Miss You

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 28, 2022 References

Long distance relationships are wonderful, but sometimes it can be hard to tell if your boyfriend is missing you as much as you're missing him. If you're looking for ways to stay front and center in your boyfriend's mind, you've come to the right place! In this article, we’ve put together a list of techniques you can use to get your boyfriend thinking about how awesome you are and how much he misses you.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Send him a surprise care package.

A sweet surprise package will get him thinking about you even more. Pack a box up with his favorite snacks, a nice card, and a few small gifts that you know he’ll love, but don’t tell him you’re sending him anything! He’ll be so shocked when he gets his mail, and he’ll probably be very grateful.^{[1]
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- Try coming up with a theme for your care package to make it easier to pack. For instance, if your boyfriend loves coffee, you could send him a cute new mug and a fancy bag of coffee beans.
- If he’s a huge sports fan, you might throw in a baseball hat, a foam finger, and some merch from his favorite team.

2

Text him things that remind you of him.

Getting a random text like this is sure to make him smile. If you’re out and about and you stumble across something that makes you think of your boyfriend, shoot him a text to let him know. It can be someone that looks like him, something that reminds you of an inside joke you share, or simply a place that you wish he was there to experience.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You could say something like, “I just walked past that park where we saw that giant dog last year. I can’t believe the owner was so tiny.”
- Or, “I’m heading to our favorite bakery to pick up donuts for the office. Wish you were here to grab a scone with me.”

3

Be positive and upbeat when you two chat.

Make talking to you something that he looks forward to. It’s fine to have a bad day every now and then, but try to maintain a positive attitude for the most part. If you can turn his bad mood into a good one and make him feel great, he’ll miss you even more.^{[3]
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- Try to be positive about your relationship, too. Going long distance is tough, but if you both keep an upbeat attitude about it, it will make it much easier.

4

Support him from afar.

If he can rely on your support, he’s going to miss you a lot. Even though you can’t be with him in person, you can still support him through phone calls, video chats, and text messages. Do whatever you can to let him know you’re thinking about him, and encourage him to do hard or scary things.^{[4]
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- For instance, if you know he has a tough meeting with his boss that day, you might text him something like, “Good luck at the meeting! You’re going to crush it!”
- If he’s stuck studying for a really hard exam, you might say, “You’ve been working so hard lately. I know you’re gonna ace this test.”

5

Flirt with him over text.

You can keep your spark alive even if you can’t see each other in person. If he sends you a cute selfie, tell him how handsome he looks or what you wish you could do to him. Talk about all the stuff you’re going to do together once you see each other in person so he can’t help but miss your presence as you text.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You could say something like, “I’m supposed to be working right now, but I can’t stop thinking about your cute face.”
- Or, “That picture you posted earlier has got me all hot and bothered. I wish you were here right now.”

6

Send him a spicy selfie.

Get all dressed up and snap a quick pic for him to see. If you’re comfortable with it, you could even send something a little more risqué, like you in lingerie. A fun, flirty selfie out of the blue is sure to get his engine revving, and he’ll probably be thinking about you for the rest of the day.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You can also send him a selfie if you’re heading out and you got all dressed up. Anything that breaks from your normal day-to-day look is a good thing to send him a pic of.

7

Try sexting or having phone sex.

If you’re comfortable with it, this can be a fun way to stay intimate. Since you two can’t physically touch each other, keeping the sexual tension alive can be tough. However, with a few sexual text messages or a description of what you’d do to each other in person, you can keep the spark going and make him miss you even more. Try to initiate this when you know he’s not busy, like at the end of the day before he goes to sleep.^{[7]
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- Phone sex and sexting can feel a little awkward at first, but it helps to try them with someone you’re totally comfortable with.

8

Let him text or call you first.

He’ll probably miss not talking to you after a while. If you feel like you put more effort into contacting him, try waiting until he contacts you first. After a little while, he might start thinking about how he hasn’t heard from you. Then, he’ll either text or call you, and you’ll know that you’re on his mind.^{[8]
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- Sometimes people don’t realize that they’re always the first person to reach out. If you usually initiate contact, it might be worth having a conversation with your boyfriend about it.

9

Wait a few hours before responding to him.

This will keep him thinking about you until you respond. If you wait for a couple of hours to respond to a text or call, he’ll probably be wondering about where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing. You shouldn’t ignore him for a long time (that could cause more problems than it’s worth), but if you’re actually busy, you can let him wait for a little bit.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Try not to do this if you two have scheduled a phone call or video chat, though. That could make him feel like you don’t care about him.

10

Go out with your friends.

It’s important to have fun, even when he’s not around. Get all gussied up and head out for a drink or to the club with your friends. Snap some photos and either send them to your boyfriend or post them on social media so he can see all the fun you’re having. If he can tell that you don’t rely on him 100% to have a good time, he might start missing you even more.^{[10]
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- If you’re heading out and you don’t want to text him the whole time, you could say something like, “Hey, I’m going out tonight with Gina and Maggie, so I probably won’t be on my phone much.”

11

Text a photo of you doing something fun.

Let him know that you’re having fun when he’s not around. When you’re out on an adventure or grabbing a drink with friends, send him a picture of yourself so he can see what you’re doing without him. You don’t have to rub it in his face, but you can let him know that you’re enjoying yourself even when he isn’t around.^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You could send it along with a caption like, “Look how beautiful this hike was!” or, “Having a quick drink with friends after work 😊”

12

Make plans to visit each other.

That way, you’ll both have something to look forward to. In long distance relationships, it’s important to visit each other as often as you can. Even if you can’t see each other right now, you can plan a dream vacation or make a bucket list of activities to do when you’re finally together. Looking forward toward the future is a great way to get your boyfriend to miss you when you’re not around.^{[12]
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- If you’re feeling cheeky, you could even plan a surprise visit to go and see him! You might want to tell him the day before you get in, just so he doesn’t have to rearrange his whole schedule.

13

Work toward your own goals.

Your boyfriend will appreciate you being your own person. While it can sometimes feel like all you should be doing is waiting for your boyfriend, there are tons of things you can do while he’s away to better yourself and your life. Write out your goals and make solid, concrete steps toward achieving them. Not only will this make your boyfriend love you even more, but you’ll also make your own life even better.^{[13]
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- For instance, if you want to change career paths, you might start taking classes at your local community college.
- If you want to get fit, you might start a workout routine or hire a personal trainer.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I talk to my long distance boyfriend?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The best way to make your boyfriend love you more on a phone or video call is to give him your undivided attention. Try to really listen to what they're saying and try to empathize with them.
Question

Why do most long distance relationships fail?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Problems usually arise when there’s no bigger plan for the couple. You guys should discuss where your relationship is going in the future and agree that you’re not always going to be long distance. Obviously, you’ll need to work things out in the meantime, spending some quality time apart.