How to Romance a Girl

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: October 1, 2022 References

Some guys get lost when it comes to figuring out how to woo that special girl. But in the end, it's not too hard to make the first move and charm her into that "romance trance." All it takes is a little charm, the proper preparation, and the right amount confidence to make a smooth move. Once you and her have found the romance, you can take it to the next level.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Charming Her

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Figure out what she likes and converse about it. No girl wants to hear only about you and your interests. In fact, it's much easier to win her over if you spend the majority of the conversation chatting about what she's into.^{[1]
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Research source}You don't need to discuss "girly" topics. The barrier between men and women has been reduced significantly in the last decade. It's your responsibility to figure out what she's into and always digging deeper.
- If you're really stuck on conversation topics, you can always start with larger discussion points and narrow it down.^{[2]
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  Research source}You might start by asking her about her hobbies or job aspirations. Once you bridge that initial gap, she'll open up about those topics, giving you room to investigate deeper. If she says she's into sailing, you can follow up with a barrage of other questions about that particular interest. Figure out who taught her how to sail or where she enjoys sailing. This could open up conversations about her experiences growing up, her love for nature, and more.
2
Give her honest compliments. Everyone loves to receive a compliment, especially one that's original and specific to the individual.^{[3]
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Research source}There's definitely a wrong way to compliment a woman; anything that you've heard in the movies will come across as corny or superficial. But if you learn how to compliment her properly without being too excessive, you'll make it clear that you're interested. Remember the four major guidelines to giving compliments:
- Be succinct. If you speak for too long, you might talk yourself into a hole or worse, embarrass her.
- Don't exaggerate. There's no need to call her the most amazing woman on Earth. Your compliments will work if they seem real and genuine, not extreme.
- Be as specific as possible. Telling a girl that she's "beautiful" or "awesome" will do very little for you. If you've observed her behavior and listened to her conversations, then you'll have a good basis for real compliments.
- Don't be excessive. If you throw out a couple compliments over the course of one date or interaction, you'll be in good shape. Anything more than that might seem a little desperate, and each compliment will lose impact.
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3
Make her laugh. Laughter is a healing medicine, and there's no better way to break any tension than a shared moment of levity. It's also a great way to prove that you're paying attention to her, as most moments of laughter come as a direct response to a conversation point.^{[4]
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Research source}Humor is also extremely flirtatious, so you'll be tapping into that if you're trying to make her laugh.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Even if you don't think of yourself as a particularly funny person, there are still ways to make her laugh. Try the "push-pull" technique. This essentially requires that you "push" her away by deeming yourself unworthy of her. If paired with a nice compliment, though, you'll be simultaneously "pulling" her toward you by expressing your interest. This will make things feel playful. A good example of the "push-pull technique might be: "You're a pretty cool girl, too bad you're stuck with me."
4
Prove you're glad to be with her. Anytime you disconnect from the conversation, whether this is poor listening or diverting attention away from her, you lose your charm factor. Being charming with a woman often just requires proper attention, making it no different than any conversation you'd have with another person.^{[6]
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Research source}Respond directly to her reactions. Nod when she nods, laugh along with her, and mirror her behavior without copying her completely. This should be a fairly natural thing, but if you're having trouble being charming, be as sensitive as possible to her mannerisms.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Preparing Yourself for Success

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Dress well. Don't underestimate the power of your attire. Although fashion sense isn't everything, wearing sharp clothes will prove your respect for your girl and show off your social mobility.^{[7]
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Research source}If you wear clothes that showcase your style and personality, you'll also get a nice positive mental boost. This will help you carry yourself with more confidence. Because you're in the initial stages of the relationship, you'll both be trying to impress. If she'll get dressed up for you, then you definitely have to meet her in your own dressing up.
- For a dinner date, especially if you live in an urban location, you'll probably want to wear some sort of jacket. This could be a blazer or a sport coat; whatever you'd prefer. In certain situations, a full suit and tie may even be appropriate. If you're going out at night, it's better to overdress. You can shed the coat and let your date wear it if it gets too cold.
- If you're worried about looking overdressed, it's hard to go wrong with a fitted collared shirt, jeans/khakis, and a nice pair of shoes.^{[8]
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  Research source}It's a tried and true look, and it's one that strikes a nice balance between formal and comfortable. Make sure that the shirt isn't wrinkled and that your pants are clean and without any rips. For the shoes, you'll want to be sitting in some place between your weekend sneakers and dress shoes.
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Be hygienic. While being clean is always important, you definitely don't want to skip any steps when getting clean before a big date. ^{[9]
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Research source}It's definitely not enough to cover up your stench with body spray and cologne. Because you'll be spending an entire night with her, you'll want to cover all of your bases in respect to your hygiene. Some steps that you might miss include:
- Floss every day. Your dentist will definitely thank you for this one. This extra step will not only help prevent gum disease, but will also dramatically improve the smell of your breath. Getting an electric toothbrush isn't a bad idea either.
- Wash your feet. Doing this every day will help eliminate the need for more dramatic measures, like foot odor spray. This will require more than simply letting your feet soak in water, though. Get a wash cloth, rubbing between your toes and on the bottoms of your feet.
- Change your sheets and pillowcase weekly, if not more. This is one that many guys forget about. It's important even if she doesn't come over to your place afterwards. Clean sheets will help you eliminate acne, or worse, bacne.
3
Pick a great spot to start. It's important to have a clear plan for your first date, especially if the plan involves multiple locations. You'll definitely impress her if you've plotted out some ideas for the entirety of the night, and it'll feel more like an adventure. Make sure that you've chosen a place with great atmosphere. This might include music selection, decor, and noise level; make sure you don't go to a place where you won't be able to hear her talk.
- Seating is huge for a first date. Your best bet is to find somewhere with bar stools, even if you're doing a full dinner. You'll be closer to her and both of you will be able to be more physically animated. Couches also work well, and a table can be fine. Try to avoid booths if you can. You'll sink into them, and it's easy to get stuck.
- While dinner and drinks are fairly common for a first date, there's no need to limit yourself to just that.^{[10]
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  Research source}Bar trivia nights have a great deal of potential, as both of you can unleash your knowledge about a wide range of topics. You'll also be working together as a team, which will ally you from the beginning. Bowling is both competitive and extremely calming, and you can engage in some friendly competition. For the more daring, cooking and salsa classes might be an exciting first step.
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Eliminate any extra stress. Your date will definitely fall flat if you enter with an excess of anxiety. You don't want to bring all your personal issues into a date. It'll make it difficult to ask her about her interests or keep up a positive attitude. Try reducing this stress by meditating or exercising, if you have time.^{[11]
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Research source}
- If you're stressed out about the date itself, there are ample ways to reduce those negative feelings. You don't want to sabotage the experience from the get-go. Make a list of deal-breakers and deal-makers. It's helpful to have a mental list of what you want from this particular date. Talk it out with a friend, especially one who has dating experience. And above all, make sure you're telling yourself that the date will go well. You'll never enjoy the experience if you don't believe that you will.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Taking It to the Next Level

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Be public with her. If you're projecting your relationship into the world, then you've definitely crossed a threshold of seriousness. This isn't just making out in public. ^{[12]
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Research source} Displaying your relationship with hand-holding or cuddling while with friends will prove that you're ready to be intimate with her. It also makes it clear to anyone around that you and her are together. No one will try anything with you or her, meaning that you're in it together.
- This also might mean being "public" with your relationship using the internet. Posting photos with each other is definitely a step in your relationship. Because a great deal of socialization occurs on Facebook and Instagram now, it's important that if you're serious about your relationship, you aren't afraid to be share photos featuring the girl that you're seeing.
2
Impress her friends. After a few dates, she'll definitely be mentioning you to your friends, especially if things are going well. It's only a matter of time before you meet them, and you have to be prepared to impress. ^{[13]
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Research source} It shouldn't feel very different from your initial date with her. Dress well, ask questions about her friends' interests, and be charismatic without schmoozing.
- It's very important not to be too touchy with her around her girlfriends. They may not be comfortable seeing you two all over each other. It should feel different to socialize with her friends, and you have to be sensitive to them, as well as her. If you treat them like friends, then they'll slowly become your friends.
- Even though her friends will probably have temperaments that align closely to hers, you definitely don't want to offend them.^{[14]
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  Research source}Avoid inflammatory topics like politics on the first meeting. You also shouldn't get too graphic or offensive. She might have an inappropriate sense of humor, but you don't know if her friends will. It's best to play it safe and leave the filthy stuff at the door.
3
Make her feel comfortable. Once you've gotten past the initial stages of dating, she'll have made it clear that she's interested in you. At this point, you can worry less about impressing her and more about making her trust you.^{[15]
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Research source}Soon enough, she will look to you to protect her from emotional harm. If you don't have the capacity to care for her, then your relationship probably won't progress into anything more than a casual fling.
- She'll be able to trust you if she knows that you've been listening to her. This means that you'll be able to remember a wide variety of details about her past or her current troubles. If she doesn't feel that you're really paying attention to her, then she'll quickly push you away. Remember that if you listen to her, she'll want to listen to you as well.
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Define the relationship. If you're planning on actually things to the next level, you'll have to talk about your future as a couple.^{[16]
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Research source} While the DTR conversation can be a daunting one, there's no way to move from casual dating to a more sustainable relationship without having it. Here are some tips for figuring out "the talk." Remember that there is no right or wrong way to have this conversation.
- Assess how long it has been, as well as how often you see each other. This is where you can find some clarity. If you only see each other once or twice a week, then you may not feel the rush to talk. If you talk or see each other every day, however, you might want to move the DTR talk up sooner.
- If you're both on the same page about sex, then you'll probably be able to prolong the talk for longer. When one of you wants to wait, however, this might make the talk more immediate. Remember that if you haven't decided that you're exclusive, you aren't exclusive.
- When you do talk, make sure that you're blunt with your terms. "Serious" and "casual" have different definitions for everyone. Make sure that you're not just asking her about what she wants; it's also important that you also state what you want. You want to stand up for yourself without being insensitive.
- Remember that the DTR talk is ongoing. Even though you may have come up with a temporary agreement about the state of your relationship, things will change over time. As long as you're honest with each other about shifts in your relationship, no one will feel deceived.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you kiss a girl to make her want more?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Become good at kissing. Practice makes perfect. A basic rule for kissing, whether you're doing by tonguing or you're being passionate, is that you want to match your partner, so whatever her movements are, it's should be like yin and yang. If it's uncomfortable, awkward, if you aren't locked together, if you're drooling, that's not good. Look at it like puzzle pieces. You want to fit together like a puzzle, so it's comfortable, and there’s a lock or something like that, and it feels nice and good.