How to Read People's Minds: Psychological Tips & Tricks

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Nihal Shetty

Last Updated: March 25, 2023 References

It’s hard to imagine anything more useful than knowing what other people are thinking. But if people’s thoughts seem to be locked away in their own heads, how can you read their minds? Plenty of ways, as it turns out. By being observant and open-minded, you can actually begin to make educated guesses on how other people are feeling. We’re here to show you how with this complete guide on how to read people’s minds.

Section 1 of 4:

What does it mean to read minds?

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Reading minds is piecing together cues to figure out what a person is thinking. It isn’t quite telepathy—or using some kind of supernatural power to read people’s exact thoughts—but it is about having what some psychologists call “empathic accuracy,” where you’re clued in to how another person is feeling.^{[1]
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- These cues can come from another person’s body language, their backgrounds, and paying attention to the details and style in which they say things. For example, someone might cross their arms when they're angry or upset.^{[2]
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  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Some scientists also refer to “mind-reading motivation,” which is a skill that allows people to better understand the mental states of others.^{[3]
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- For example, someone with high mind-reading motivation might notice their colleague is anxious because they keep drumming their fingers.
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Reading minds is also called “mentalizing." We actually do this all the time—you probably try to figure out what someone else is thinking at least a couple times a day. You may not even be fully conscious of doing this—mentalizing can happen even when you’re thinking of something completely different.^{[4]
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- Being able to mentalize and understand other people’s emotional states can be a very valuable skill in the workplace, at school, or in your personal life.
- Anyone working in an area where they have to understand other people well—like diplomats, healthcare workers, or businesspeople—can benefit a lot from honing their mentalization skills.
- Studies have shown that women tend to be better at mentalizing than men.^{[5]
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- People with autism may find mentalizing to be difficult. Many people with autism have strategies like practicing conversations ahead of time to manage their difficulties understanding other people’s emotions.^{[6]
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Reading minds is never an exact science, so be careful. Avoid assuming that you know what another person is thinking or feeling with 100% certainty—with mind reading, you’re making an educated guess, which means you’re likely to be wrong on occasion.^{[7]
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- Remember that other people are the authority on their own feelings, so try not to think you know what they need better than they do.

Section 2 of 4:

How to Read Minds in Your Daily Life

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Listen carefully to both words and silences. When someone is speaking to you, ask yourself what the most important things they’re communicating are. Use active listening skills: avoid interrupting them, listen, ask questions, give them time to answer, and listen some more.^{[8]
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- Deep conversations aren’t the only way to understand someone else. Small talk gives you a chance to see how someone acts normally and when they’re in a relaxed state.
- For example, if a friend seems bubbly and talkative when you’re discussing the weather, but takes longer to respond and gives you ambiguous answers when you ask them how their family is doing, family could be a difficult subject for them.
- You might say something like, “How is your sister?” and be met with a moment of silence before your friend responds “I think she’s doing good.”
- In this example, your friend might be having some relationship difficulties with their sister, since they said “I think” instead of “She’s doing good.”
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Observe their body language. Reading body language is a key tool for understanding other people’s mental states, but it can take some practice to learn. Body language can reveal things about people that they don’t want to say, or that they may not even be aware of themselves. If someone is saying “yes,” but their body language says “no,” it can alert you that something is off.^{[9]
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HelpGuide
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Go to source} There are whole books written just on body language, but to get started, here are the things you should look out for:
- Eyes: When people see something that excites them, when they’re making a hard choice, or when they’re experiencing strong feelings, their pupils tend to get bigger.^{[10]
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  PubMed Central
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- Posture: Does the person you’re talking to seem stiff and tensed up, or relaxed? This can give you a clue as to how stressed they are.^{[11]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Facial expressions: A genuine smile involves more than just the lips. If someone is truly smiling, you’ll likely see laugh lines or small wrinkles around their eyes.^{[12]
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  Research source} Someone who is frowning might be upset or angry.^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Hand gestures: Someone who’s nervous might be restlessly playing with a pencil or another object in their hands.^{[14]
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- Tone of voice: A person who is comfortable generally has a relaxed, warm, or confident tone of voice.^{[15]
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  HelpGuide
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  Go to source} On the flip side, you might notice that the person sounds annoyed or angry.^{[16]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
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Reflect on their background. Age, culture, and beliefs all have an important impact on what someone is thinking at any given time. Use your knowledge of someone else’s background to help you piece together their mindset.^{[17]
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- For example, if you’re pitching a business deal to an older person, they might be more concerned about risk than a younger person, who could be excited by it.^{[18]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}
- Someone from a more traditional and introverted culture may refuse to be controversial, even when they’re upset.^{[19]
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Use your own sense of empathy. Sensory awareness is a term that means the awareness of how your own body is feeling in relation to the world around you. Seeing others in pain or suffering can activate your own body’s sense of suffering.^{[20]
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- If someone is causing you to feel extremely sad or happy, take this as a signal to think about if they might be feeling these emotions themselves.^{[21]
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Section 3 of 4:

What other ways can you read minds?

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Their writing: In their texts or e-mails, what subjects do they seem to be most interested in? If they’ve published any blogs or public-facing writing, read those. How do their tone and word choices change when talking about things they feel passionate about?^{[22]
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- For example, if someone you’re interested in has a travel blog, they’ll likely feel a connection to you if you appeal to their sense of adventure.
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Their social media: The things people post about and the tone they use in their posts can clue you into their thoughts and feelings about all kinds of issues. You can even tell how comfortable someone is in social situations through social media: introverts tend to use more words focusing on themselves, like “I,” while extraverts tend to use words reflecting social activities, like “love,” “night,” or “party.”^{[23]
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- If you want to get to know someone’s mindset better through social media, try seeing what accounts they follow to get an idea of their interests.
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Their close friends’ opinions of them: People who are close to someone who you want to understand better are likely to have a good idea of their likes and dislikes, as well as how they would react in certain situations. Try asking a friend or family member of someone you’re interested in about what that person might think about a certain subject.^{[24]
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- For example, if you’re trying to find out what activities someone might like doing on a date, try asking their sibling a question like, “What kind of food does your sister like?”
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Their personal style and appearance: Someone wearing a fur coat, for example, isn’t likely to be an animal rights activist. Keep in mind that there are limits to how much you can understand from someone’s appearance—a uniform says more about where someone works than who they are.^{[25]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- As an example, if someone has dyed their hair an unusual color and wears edgy clothing, they’re likely to have unconventional or open-minded opinions about social issues.

Section 4 of 4:

Becoming a Better Mind Reader

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Set aside your own biases and judgments. Try to be open-minded when considering how someone else might feel. Remember that just because you would react in a certain way doesn’t mean someone else would.^{[26]
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- For example, just because you would be upset if someone else cancelled plans at the last moment, this doesn’t mean that someone else is.
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Practice inductive reasoning. While deductive reasoning starts from a premise and then tries to find evidence to support it (“he’s mad, so he’s looking at the ground”), inductive reasoning does the complete opposite (“he’s looking at the ground, so he may be mad”). The key to mind-reading is to gather evidence before you make a judgment on how someone might be feeling, rather than the other way around.^{[27]
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- People with social anxiety often struggle with using deductive reasoning instead of inductive reasoning. If you assume that people are judging you negatively and try to find a way to prove this, you aren’t mind-reading—this is just your anxiety talking.^{[28]
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Ask them direct questions. Although it’s not mind-reading, the single best way to understand someone else’s feelings is to simply talk to them directly. Studies have shown that our ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes is actually not as strong as we might think. In order to avoid miscommunications, be genuinely curious and courageous.^{[29]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- For example, you might say something like, “I think you seem a little nervous, but I could be totally off. How are you feeling?”
- Or, you might say, “I feel like you enjoy spending time with me, but I can’t be sure. How have you been feeling about this evening?”

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I tell if someone likes me without asking?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Watch their actions. Someone who likes you will be very responsive to you. They'll want to talk to you, text you, and spend time with you.
Question

How do I tell if my partner is irritated or mad at me?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

Start by looking at their face to see if they're frowning or look upset. If they're upset with you, they might be really quiet or could have a big shift in energy. You could also check their body language. If they're upset, they may cross their arms over their body. You may also notice that their tone of voice sounds annoyed or that they're snapping at you.