Infidelity in relationships is becoming increasingly common, even in long term relationships and marriages. Whether you’ve been cheated on or you’re simply curious about it, there are some misconceptions about cheating and affairs that may be doing you more harm than good. We’ve addressed some of the common myths about infidelity so you can learn more about it and what it means to you.

1

Myth: An affair always destroys a relationship.

  1. Fact: Many relationships come back stronger after infidelity. While it may seem difficult after the initial shock of an affair, many couples use it as an opportunity to work on their relationship. With the help of time, effort, and couple’s counseling, a relationship can come back better than ever, as long as both parties are on board.[1]
    • It’s important not to make any rash decisions after discovering an affair. If you’ve been cheated on, you’ll probably feel a lot of emotions at first—take the time to examine them and figure out what you’d like to do next.
    • If you were the person who cheated, be consistently transparent with your partner as you move forward. Also, keep in mind that it will take time for your partner to begin to trust you again.[2]
  2. Advertisement
2

Myth: Most people who cheat were looking to have an affair.

  1. Fact: Some people cheat because they’re put in a tempting situation. This is super common when someone cheats on their spouse with a coworker or employee. Spending long hours at the office, having close conversations, and working late can all foster an environment where cheating feels natural. While that doesn’t excuse the fact that they cheated, you can rest assured that they didn’t set out one day to cheat on you.[3]
    • People in urban areas are also more likely to cheat than people in rural ones. Cities have more people, which creates a sense of comfortable anonymity.
4

Myth: Most people who cheat are unhappy.

  1. Fact: Many people who cheat report being happy in their relationships. Someone cheating doesn’t automatically mean they hate you or they’d like to break up—in fact, in a study done about cheating, 56% of men and 34% of women said they were happy or very happy in their marriages. Infidelity is caused by many factors, and relationship problems aren’t always the only driving force.[5]
    • Cheating can also be a sign that the person who cheated might be going through emotional turmoil. Unaddressed mental health or addiction issues can lead to infidelity.
5

Myth: If there’s no sex, it’s not cheating.

  1. Fact: An emotional affair can also be considered cheating. It’s up to you to set boundaries with your partner and figure out what’s okay and what’s not. An emotional affair can involve texting someone else, sharing intimate details with someone else, taking someone else out on dates, or exchanging lewd photos with someone else. Even if there is no actual sexual contact, any and all of these factors can cross the line into cheating.[6]
    • Some people are okay with their partner flirting or chatting with other people, even during a relationship. It’s important to talk with your partner about what’s allowed and what isn’t so no one crosses a boundary accidentally.
  2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?
    Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
    Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.
    Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    It's possible for your relationship to recover. If you're the cheater, you need to be truly transparent with your partner moving forward. Additionally, give them time to process what happened and move to a place of forgiveness.
Advertisement

About This Article

Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Co-authored by:
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
This article was co-authored by Michelle Joy, MA, MFT and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University. This article has been viewed 6,501 times.
5 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 6
Updated: August 25, 2021
Views: 6,501
Advertisement