How to Make a Platonic Relationship Work

Last Updated: December 5, 2022 References

Wanting to make your platonic relationship last? This unique type of relationship may seem hard to maintain, but it's not nearly as difficult as it seems. We've put together plenty of tips and suggestions for you and your friend to follow, so you can both enjoy a fulfilling and meaningful connection together.

1

Create clear ground rules.

Avoid getting into the "friends first" difficulty. If you both agreed that having a relationship was off the cards for such reasons as married status, work or study pressures, distance, religion, etc., the "potential" for a romantic affiliation hangs there unspoken. It is much better to make it clear that you have a friendship that matters, in which both of you care for one another in a sibling-like manner by watching out for one another and spending time together but that friendship is all it remains.^{[1]
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2

Trust yourselves.

All the "possibilities" aside, have trust in your decision. Nature and societal pressures are not determinants of you, your friend, or your choices. You are responsible for your own choices and the decision to make the relationship platonic is your clear-cut choice. Believe in it for what it is and trust both of you to fulfill the platonic compact.

3

Consider all the benefits of a platonic relationship.

It helps to remember what is gained by being platonic rather than romantic. The benefits of platonic friendships include:^{[2]
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- They endure because you trust one another and share a lot together at a spiritual, emotional and shared experiences level
- You aren't plagued by the intimacy of romantic love and sexual relations, with all the accompanying doubts, jealousies, complications, etc.
- Neither of you need to perform in front of one another; you are who you are
- You can learn about another gender from one another in a safe and uncompromising way, if you two are of different genders
- Both of you benefit from each other's perspectives on challenges facing you in relations with other people
- There is always someone you can go to for genuine, fearless, and forthright advice - platonic friendships tend to have a quality that transcends the often unspoken competitive and conforming needs of same gender friendships

4

Reassure others who might be impacted by your platonic relationship.

It can be helpful to clear the air early on about the nature of your platonic friendship. Do likewise for your platonic friend's other half where politic. Stay out of potentially compromising situations, such as being at their apartment late at night without your spouse's knowledge/agreement. ^{[3]
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- Acknowledge that sometimes the partner's concerns about your platonic relationship can be the hardest part of maintaining a platonic friendship. Your spouse needs to know that (a) you aren't talking or complaining about them, (b) you will be open with your spouse about what you say and do with your platonic friend, (c) there will be no secretive actions, and (d) you will not let the platonic friend supplant the relationship you have with your spouse.

5

Be realistic.

The deliberately suppressed tension in your relationship might make it work well. This never-fulfilled but potential reality can be the source of incredible creativity, discovery, and problem-solving when the two of you work together on something. While you should never act on it, it is sometimes worth acknowledging to yourself that this does form part of what makes the platonic friendship work so well.

6

Be open to the possibilities of tension.

Tension can definitely occur in a platonic relationship. Unless you and your platonic friend are not romantically or sexually attracted to people of their gender and your gender, there is always a possibility that one of you could develop a crush on the other. It's not unusual, but it can make the platonic relationship a difficult one to maintain.^{[4]
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- Try not to flirt with your platonic friend.
- Avoid complimenting them in any kind of romantic way.
- Avoiding physical types of touching reserved for romantic relationships.^{[5]
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Community Q&A

Question

What exactly is a platonic relationship?

Community Answer

A platonic relationship is an intimate and affectionate but not sexual relationship.
Question

Can I love someone and have a platonic relationship?

Katy Linsao

Community Answer

Certainly. There is more than one kind of love, though we tend to focus on romantic love exclusively. If you love the person romantically, then a platonic relationship will definitely be more difficult. You just have to remind yourself how lucky you are to have that person in your life, regardless of the nature of the relationship.
Question

He tells me he doesn't want a relationship or get married, but still wants to have sex and he wants other women too. What does this mean?

Community Answer

This means that he sees you as someone he enjoys having sex with, but it sounds like he's using you and the other women to satisfy his physical desires without having the responsibilities that come with a relationship.

Warnings

If an earlier attempted romantic relationship between you didn't work out, do not bring up the breakup. Leave those kinds of things in the past, and live in the present.

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If marriage between you is forbidden, do not allow yourself to discuss marital or romance problems. Kindly redirect the topic or recommend to the other person to discuss it with a friend of the same sex.

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If you do feel romantically entangled with your platonic friend and it is not reciprocated, you can end up feeling deeply hurt and betrayed. It can be very hard to mend the friendship again. Even if it is reciprocated, things won't be the same again if the friendship-turned-love doesn't work out.

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