How to Make a Narcissist Obsessed with You

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: September 12, 2022

To get a narcissist's attention and hold it, you'll have to do things a little differently. Narcissists tend to look for relationships that can feed their need for attention, admiration, and affection. You can use that need to your advantage. We'll show you how to get your narcissist completely hooked, so they'll obsess over you.

1

Look your best.

Narcissists are all about appearances, so put effort into your outfits. Narcissists want to be seen with someone who takes pride in their looks. If you want the narcissist to really obsess over you, try to look as good or better than the narcissist. Put a lot of thought into your clothes and personal grooming.^{[1]
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- Always look your best no matter how casual the situation is. The narcissist will see that you always look attractive and they'll want to be seen with you.
- The narcissist might appreciate if you reflect their personal style. Choose outfits with matching colors or styles, so your looks are complementary.

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2

Play hot and cold.

Keep the narcissist on their toes, so they want to chase you. To catch your narcissist's eye, be flirty to signal your interest. You might laugh at their jokes, touch their shoulder, or offer big smiles. Appear eager to hang out with them. Once the person enjoys your attention, start ignoring them. Your narcissist will be craving your company, so they'll reach out to you.^{[2]
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- Ignoring the person can seem harsh, but the narcissist may value you even more because you're not always available.

3

Be a little arrogant.

Narcissists are drawn to confidence because they have low self-esteem. Nothing attracts a narcissist like walking into the room with your head held high commanding everyone's attention. The narcissist wants your attention and approval. Narcissists need validation from others because it feeds their ego.^{[3]
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- Some narcissists see confident people as a challenge. They may try to break a confident person's spirit through the cycle of narcissistic abuse: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. Don't fall for it.

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4

Show them you’re a prize.

Narcissists like valuable things, so flaunt your status or influence. Unfortunately, narcissists eventually sees others as "less than" them. To keep them hooked, remind the narcissist that you're high value. Maybe you have a high-status job, a large social circle, or a talent that makes you sought after. If they're always thinking what a catch you are, they'll be obsessed with keeping you.
- The narcissist thinks it reflects well on them to have someone special, skilled, or capable interested in them.

5

Let them chase or rescue you.

Give them the chance to be stronger or better than you in some way. Narcissists have to feel valued or they won't be interested. They'll be overjoyed if they feel like they earned your attention because you were a little hard to get. They're also more likely to stick around if they think they helped you in some way.^{[4]
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- For instance, you're getting hit on at a bar and you're clearly not into it, the narcissist loves swooping in to rescue you. It feeds their ego and they'll want to be around you.
- To make them chase you, turn them down a few times when they ask you out. Then, say yes, so they feel like they earned it.

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6

Keep busy with your own friends and activities.

Show them you have a life of your own, so they want to be part of it. If the narcissist thinks that you're giving your attention and energy to other relationships, they can easily get jealous or protective. Make a point of spending time with other people or doing your own hobbies, and let the narcissist in your life know about it. The narcissist will see that you're not committed to the relationship, so you'll seem like a challenge.^{[5]
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- Watch out for controlling behaviors with the narcissist. It's not alright for them to restrict your access to friends or family.
- If you try to have a serious relationship with a narcissist, you may find that they move on to someone else when they get bored with the routine. By avoiding a relationship rut, will continue to look for your approval and attention.

7

Skip the compliments.

Narcissists grow bored if they know you like them. So, keep your nice thoughts about them to yourself.^{[6]
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Research source} If you start laying on the praise, they'll just take you for granted.
- They may fish for compliments. For instance, if they say something nice about how you look, don't give a compliment right back. Instead, say something flirty like, "Oh, thanks. I know I look great."

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8

Be emotionally withdrawn.

Narcissists want you to feel deeply for them, so keep your distance. Everything the narcissist does is to feed their ego. They want you to love them and fawn over them. However, you can't get love from a narcissist. Withhold your emotions and it will drive them crazy.
- They have really big deficits of empathy. So, they won't feel a connection and you might even lose a narcissist's respect if you tell them you love them.

9

Create drama.

Narcissists thrive on attention and over-the-top theatrics.^{[7]
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Research source} When you do spend time with them, make a point of being exciting, edgy, or argumentative. They love being around someone who's unpredictable, especially if they get to be in the spotlight.
- For instance, you might fight with them over something minor—maybe the narcissist showed up late for something. Call them out on it! They'll love that you noticed and that you were seemingly upset.

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10

Break it off with them first.

Narcissists prefer to initiate a breakup so they feel in control. Ideally, you should cut off contact while the person is still in the love-bombing stage where they overwhelm you with displays of affection. The narcissist will obsess over why you left and how they can get you back.
- In any case, make a point of leaving before the narcissist begins their campaign of criticism. A narcissist usually discards a person after devaluing them.
- To truly get over the narcissist in your life, continue no contact and make positive changes in your life, so you can move forward.

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About This Article

Co-authored by:

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 110,624 times.

61 votes - 42%

Co-authors: 4

Updated: September 12, 2022

Views: 110,624

Categories: Dating

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