How to Make a Girl Become Obsessed with You

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References Approved

Getting a girl to pay attention and like you can be hard enough -- becoming her obsession is even trickier. To make a girl become obsessed with you, get into her brain and her heart by being her hero, minding your looks, making her laugh, and making her feel special. You'll need to tailor your efforts to the girl in question, but keeping these basic principles in mind should give you an idea of where to start!

Steps

1
Be her hero. Whenever she is in trouble or worried about something, don't just sit there with her. Acknowledge that you don't have all the answers, and that you may not know exactly what she's going through, but try to help make the situation better for her.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Ask her how you can help, but don't insist that she let you. Be patient with anything she goes through and be supportive. When you can make a difference, do so without hesitation, but also cautiously, as you don't want to hurt her in any way.
- If she likes you already, go above and beyond the call of duty. Do something that she'd never expect you to do, like cooking her breakfast^{[2]
  X
  Research source} and then doing the dishes, and she'll fall even harder for you. You're showing her what you're made of.
- If she doesn't like you yet, or you don't know how she feels about it, play it cool. Be calm. If you're the kind of guy who gets sweaty and stutters his words when he's around a girl, then just calm down. Think of her as just your friend who happens to look different. If you can't calm down, no sweat! Girls think it is adorable when guys trip over themselves. You'll make her laugh in a good way!
2
Don't fly too deep into the friend zone. Be friendly with her without always being available.^{[3]
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Research source} Girls love guys who are a bit mysterious, so try to cultivate a bit of mystery — don't always pick up the phone, let on where you're going, etc. Be honest, but not always totally up front.

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3
Pay attention to how you look. Your guy-friends probably didn't care that you walked around in the same clothes you mowed the lawn in, but the girl of your dreams probably won't be very impressed.^{[4]
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Research source} Here are three simple things you can start doing right away that will help:
- Shower and shave every day. If you're not yet old enough to shave, don't sweat it. You should be soon. Smell nice and look clean by showering or bathing regularly.
- Wear clothes that actually fit. Not your older brother's clothes; not your dad's clothes. Wear your own clothes, and ones that flatter your figure. It doesn't matter how much money you have — every guy needs a good pair of jeans, a fitting t-shirt, a simple but elegant collared shirt, and shoes to fit the occasion.
- Get in shape. Lose that excess flab if you can and turn it into muscle. Most girls like guys who have developed muscles that aren't so chiseled they're intimidating. Find an intramural sports league that you're interested in and go for it. You might even be able to impress your lady with your skills.
4
Be charming. You must at least have some kind of charm to appeal to a woman. Most men are charming in a couple different ways, but here are some charming ideas to think about:
- Be a gentleman. This means opening doors, paying for a date, keeping your word, etc. Girls love to feel like a gentleman cares about them.
- Be witty. Girls love guys who are great conversationalists, who can turn anything into a joke. Learn how to elegantly make fun of yourself.
- Be intelligent. You should do your best to be well-read, informed about current-affairs, and curious. Women like men who are smart but still relatable.
5
Be reliable. Every girl wants a guy who, at the end of the day, is reliable — dependable not because he has to be, but because he wants to be. Being reliable is all about telling a girl that she has security with you. Try to be the most reliable guy you know.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Do what you say you're going to do. If you talk the talk, walk the walk. Girls don't like guys who say they're going to do something and never follow through with it.
- Be punctual. Even though some girls are late to dates, a girl hates it when she has to wait on a guy. To her, it says: "I don't care enough about you to be on-time." If you're going to be late, let her know.
- Have a good reputation. Be the guy that other guys want to vouch for. You never know whether she, or one of her friends, could ask around about you.^{[6]
  X
  Research source} And if she hears how you cheated on your ex-girlfriend, your reputation is shot and you'll have to rebuild it.
6
Try to be funny: This gives the girl a reason to relax. A person is more responsive and receptive when relaxed. This is similar to being witty, but with higher importance. It helps you connect with her emotionally/intellectually. She should enjoy your company and not be bored.
7
Don't be too pushy. It's a turnoff when you're always around her and touching her and flirting obnoxiously with her when she is not interested and has never shown any interest at all. Learn to give her the control, even if it's only the illusion of control.
- If a girl doesn't want to make out, for example, or have sex, don't try to force it out of her. That's not the way to get her obsessed with you. Instead, listen to her wishes, understand why she has them, and respect them. You'll get more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.
Warning: Forcing a girl to have sex when she doesn't want to is called rape, and it is an illegal act that can get you many years in prison.
8
Have financial independence. Most women don't care how much you make, or who your parents are, so long as you can provide for them. That's nice, because most men aren't blessed with wealth. Remember these things about money around women:
- Women, like men, want to be spoiled some of the time. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but they like to be spoiled. Save enough money so that you can spoil her every once in a while.
- Most women don't like men who flaunt their money. If you have money, don't flaunt it, because you just might scare her away.
9
Don't flirt with other girls too much. A girl might really like you but if she sees you dancing or talking with another girl, that could be a dealbreaker. Make sure she knows you're interested in only her.
- At the same time, have friends who are also girls. If you hang around friends who are also girls, she'll feel safer around you because other women are comfortable hanging out with you. If you never hang around any women, it could be a sign to her that you're illiterate when it comes to them.
- Sometimes, women engage in a little competition — just like men! Therefore, it's helpful to have other women around, provided you don't get involved or flirt with them.
10
Compliment her. Give her some good old-fashioned compliments.^{[7]
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Research source} Don't compliment her ability to do every little thing perfectly, or you'll seem too needy or obsessive yourself. But a well-placed compliment can make a girl remember you for days on end!
- Be sincere when you compliment. Figure out what you like about her best — what you think makes her most unique — and tell her. If it's the truth, it will automatically come out as sincere.
- Reinforce how she views herself. If she thinks of herself as an athlete, reinforce her competitive spirit or athletic skills. If she thinks of herself as a thinker, praise her smarts. Whatever she thinks of herself as, compliment that aspect of her the most.
- Focus more on her personality than her appearance. If you have to get in a compliment about her appearance, stay away from the more feminine areas and stick to complimenting these:
  - Smile
  - Hair
  - Eyes
  - Lips
  - Clothes (style, appearance, etc.)
11
Give her reasons to be reminded of you. Sing or hum songs, talk about movies, share favorite places. Anything that, when she hears/sees it again, will make her think of you.^{[8]
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Research source}
12
Balance your sensitive side with your masculine side. Girls like guys who are in touch with their feminine side without being girly at all. That means you have to understand where she's coming from but still be thoroughly manly if you can. Learn a lesson from the following cues:
- It's OK to cry at a movie and to be vulnerable around her. Girls see this as you being comfortable enough around them to open up, and this will bring you two closer. Don't listen to people who tell you girls only want masculine men.
- It's OK to dress well...but not too well. As discussed earlier, girls love a guy who can dress nicely. But as soon as the guy dresses nicer than her, that can be a big turnoff.
13
Most of all, do not use guides such as this one literally. You should not make building a relationship with her a script. The most important thing to do when looking for a meaningful relationship is to relax around her, and let your true personality shine through. Do not force yourself to fit a stereotype. You're better off waiting until you can find a girl who likes you, not a stereotypical "cool" guy. A relationship in which you can be yourself is much, much more meaningful than one in which you have to pretend to be someone else.
14
Girls don't always have the best idea about what they want. Be yourself and be a gentlemen. Let her do what she wants and act like you care about her.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I make a girl keep thinking about me?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Be someone that she can rely on. Make her feel special, heard, and understood so you leave a good impression.

Warnings

Never go too far when teasing a woman. Calling her fat or insulting her looks is rude and a turn-off.

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Helpful 14 Not Helpful 0
Some girls do get offended by "the chivalry stuff." Make sure you know the type of girl you are dealing with. Some may see it as sexist, annoyingly nice, or it may seem like you are trying to assert superiority.

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Try not to talk to her all the time everyday. She will like the odd two days of talking, but if you constantly talk to her and try to force conversation, you will just annoy her. Ease off every now and then to show you're not too clingy which in most cases is a turnoff, let her come to you.

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Helpful 19 Not Helpful 3
Don't talk to girls about other girls. Try not to gossip.

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If a woman says she isn't interested, back off. No means no.

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