How to Be Mysterious to Attract People

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Mysterious people are attractive because humans are naturally curious and want to know more about them. When you allow people’s imaginations to fill in the gaps about you, they’ll be drawn in to see if their assumptions prove to be correct. You can become more mysterious by following a few simple steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Cultivating a Mysterious Demeanor

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Make eye contact. Making eye contact shows that you have confidence. Also, when you make eye contact with someone, it shows that you’re interested in learning more about them. Make sure that you don’t hold eye contact for too long – about two seconds is a good length – lest you come off as creepy or intimidating.^{[1]
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- Try establishing eye contact and then looking away, leaving the guy wondering if you were truly looking at him or not.
2
Be calm. Animated people don’t leave much too the imagination because they are the center of attention. To be attractively mysterious, be calm, somewhat serious, and relatively even-keeled. Be the calm at the center of the storm, no matter how lively things are around you.^{[2]
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3
Learn a lot about a few things. You’re mysterious and intelligent. Because you won’t be talking about yourself much, you’ll need to learn about some topics that you can talk about at length. Not only does this keep the conversation away from your personal story, it shows that you’re passionate enough about a subject to learn it.^{[3]
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- Make sure that the topic is interesting and not polarizing. For example, presidential candidates might be interesting but they’re also polarizing. Instead, the impact of farm-produced fish on the environment is interesting and likely to not be very polarizing at all.
4
Ask questions. Asking questions is an excellent way to be mysterious and attract people and serves a few purposes. It allows you to keep the conversation away from your personal details, it shows interest in another person, and, most of all, it allows people to talk about themselves. People will think you’re especially interested in them and be flattered that you wanted to hear their story.^{[4]
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- Start off with simple questions like “where are you from originally?” or “where would you travel to if money was no object?” Listen to the answers and ask questions based on those answers, such as: “Oh, you’d like to travel to Paris? What is it about the City of Lights that you find attractive? Would you travel alone or with someone?”
- If you truly want to be mysterious, try speaking less and listening more. Plant a subtle smirking smile on your face when people are talking, as if you have some secret inside joke that no one else is aware of and leave the guy wondering what's behind that smile.
5
Make them smile. Just because you’re mysterious doesn’t mean that you can’t be charming. Make people smile. Smiling makes people feel good and it makes people instantly feel warmer toward the person that made them smile. Don’t be afraid to smile yourself, too. This shows a good-natured appreciation of life that is attractive to just about everyone.^{[5]
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- You don’t have to talk to someone to make them smile. When you’re making eye contact, give the other person a little smile and watch, they’ll return the favor.
6
Change the topic. Just because you’re not going to spend much time talking about yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t direct the conversation. This works because changing topics fairly frequently shows your audience that you’re not only mysterious but that you’re confident and knowledgeable about a variety of topics.^{[6]
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- Look for natural opportunities to change topics, which will come up typically in someone else’s response to something.
- This is a great time to ask a question, which will direct the conversation in another direction.
7
Be an alpha or a flirt. Depending on your gender, being mysterious can be a sign that you’re an alpha male or a flirty female, two archetypes that are attractive to almost everyone. Mysterious people exude confidence, and that confidence can be interpreted differently depending on your gender. What is fairly universal, though, regardless of gender, is that mysterious people are quietly in control, but not flamboyant or attention-seeking.^{[7]
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- This idea refers back to the psychology of attraction, which posits that attraction is physiological and psychological and that the two inform one another.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Ensuring You Don’t Appear Creepy

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Keep some things to yourself. When talking to someone, don’t tell them your life story. You’re not an open book. Instead, you’re mysterious and need to leave gaps in your story. That will encourage people to ask questions, think about what you’ve said, and fill in the gaps of your story with their imaginations.^{[8]
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- A great way to approach this idea is to only answer questions that you’re asked about yourself as opposed to simply offering up information. Even when you’re answering questions, give as little information as possible while still satisfying the questioner.
- If someone asks you about your weekend, make some vague reply such as "I met up with some friends and we did some things in town." If they question you further, just say nothing and smile mysteriously.
2
Don’t always be available. If you’re always available, you might seem eager and you certainly won’t appear mysterious. Instead, you want to be available occasionally, although usually not, which will make your attentions almost seem like a reward.^{[9]
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- This applies to phone calls, texts, video chats, and get-togethers. If your phone rings, let it go to voicemail. If you receive a text or direct message, don’t read it right away. If they suggest that you get together, don’t enthusiastically say yes. Check your calendar first. You’re mysterious when you’re often unavailable.
3
Don’t be a flashy dresser. You don’t want to stand out in a crowd because of your flashy clothes, bright colors, or loud patterns. Instead, you want to keep your clothing somewhat modest, but still different from everyone around you. Darker colors are more mysterious.^{[10]
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- If people around you tend to wear jeans, for example, consider wearing boot-cut jeans. If everyone wears boots, consider loafers.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining the Mystery

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Think outside the box. Try to be more creative and think outside the box. Your love interest is attracted to your mysterious demeanor, and creativity is a sign of a confident, mysterious person. Creativity shows that you can be playful and disciplined and that you view the world from a unique perspective. Share that uniqueness with the object of your affection to maintain the mystery.^{[11]
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- Creativity doesn’t just mean artistic. You might not have an artistic bone in your body and that’s just fine. Be creative with your answers to people, your solutions to problems, or even how you spend time with your partner.
- For example, rather than suggesting dinner and a movie, be creative and take your partner to a place they’ve never been, like a state park, for a picnic and bring a book of your favorite poems to read with them.
2
Be unpredictable. Being unpredictable lends to your mysterious demeanor. This doesn’t mean that you should act out of character with your love interest or confuse them. Even worse, hurt their feelings. Being unpredictable simply means defying your own routines and patterns every now and then. This will demonstrate that there are still some secrets up your sleeve and keep it interesting.^{[12]
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- For example, if you always grab a coffee on your way to work, decide to go for a jog instead one day.
- Or, if you always wait for your love interest to call you, surprise them with a phone call.
3
Remember to reciprocate. Your love interest is attracted to you and perhaps you’ve taken your relationship to another level. Remember, you can be mysterious and still reciprocate feelings and interest. People tend to feel more attracted to those who they feel are attracted to them, so reciprocate their interest in you.^{[13]
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- For example, you can still be mysterious and bring your love interest flowers or send a simple text that says, “thinking of you.” Small gestures mean a lot, especially from a mysterious person.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be mysterious over text with a guy?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Bring up short and attention provoking things to a guy and then simply vanish for a while. For instance, text him something like "Hi, I saw you in my dream last night and it was a good one" and leave him wondering what happened in that dream. The fact that you don’t share more is going to make you seem so cool and mysterious.
Question

I think that when a man is mysterious, it drives me crazy. How can I not feel like a creep when I try to find out more?

Community Answer

Be subtle when you're asking. You can also act mysterious yourself to make him want to know more about you. If being mysterious doesn’t work out for you, try being more seductive. You can get anything out of a guy by being seductive.

Warnings

Drop your mysterious pretense a little when you finally catch the object of your affection, but don't ditch it completely. You want to keep them on their toes, always anticipating your many surprises.

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Don't be too mysterious. This can lead to suspicion, a HUGE turn-off.

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