How to Know if You Are Stubborn

Last Updated: October 29, 2021 References

Being stubborn can be a good thing if you’re sticking to your principles or standing up for yourself. But if you’re just being hardheaded, it can drive people away from you. The good news is there are ways you can tell if you’re stubborn, which can help you change your behavior and avoid it in the future. To help you out, we’ve put together a list of signs and clues you can use to figure out whether or not you’re being stubborn.

1

You refuse to admit when you’re wrong.

Even when you’re presented with the facts, you stick to your beliefs. This may be one of the biggest signs. There’s actually nothing inherently wrong about being presented with facts or explanations that prove your point wrong. But if you feel like you can’t accept being wrong and choose to stick to what you think is right, you’re being stubborn.^{[1]
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Harvard Business Review
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- If you thought that a store closes at 10 p.m., but someone checks and confirms that it actually closes at 9 p.m. and you don’t believe them or make up an excuse that they must have changed their hours, then you’re stubbornly refusing to be proven wrong.
- Refusing to admit when you’re wrong can seriously impact your relationships. It’s not a positive quality to have.

2

Multiple people tell you that you’re stubborn.

Chances are others have noticed. Listen to what your friends and family (and maybe even coworkers) tell you. If they say that you’re stubborn, they may be speaking the truth. Don’t brush them off, especially if multiple people are saying the same thing. Take it as a sign that you’re being stubborn.^{[2]
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- Sometimes, being stubborn can be a good thing. If people say that you stubbornly refuse to do something you think is wrong, then it just means you stick to your values.
- If a bunch of your friends are telling you that you’re being hardheaded or difficult, they may be trying to help you.

3

Your relationships are falling apart because of your attitude.

Stubbornness can sabotage your life. If your friends seem to stop wanting to hang out with you or your coworkers or bosses aren’t thrilled or willing to work with you, it could be because your stubborn attitude is making it difficult for them to be around you. Additionally, if you’re in a romantic relationship and your partner seems to be getting more and more distant, stubbornness may be the culprit.^{[3]
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- There’s a difference between being assertive and being stubborn. If you’re assertive but willing to listen to other people in your life, it won’t drive them away. Stubbornness can make it difficult for people to be around you.

4

You enjoy arguing for the sake of arguing.

If you feel like you always have to be right, it could be a sign of stubbornness. Standing up for yourself or trying to prove a point in an argument isn’t inherently wrong or always a sign of stubbornness. But if you feel an almost insatiable need to be right no matter what, and if you just love starting arguments with other people for really no reason, it’s a clear sign that you’re stubborn.^{[4]
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- For instance, if you find yourself bringing up heavy discussion topics like politics or religion unprompted or just so you can start an argument, you may be a stubborn person looking to pick a fight.
- Perseverance can turn to negative stubbornness when you’re arguing just for the sake of arguing rather than because you believe in something.

5

You’re worried about uncertainty.

Fear of the unknown can make you stick to your ideas. If someone brings up something new or asks you to consider a new idea and you’re unwilling to even consider it, it’s a pretty big indicator that you’re being stubborn. Ignoring or refusing to be open to something new could stem from a fear of uncertainty, which is a hallmark of a stubborn person.^{[5]
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- For example, if you’re trying to pick out a place to eat with a friend, and they suggest a new sushi restaurant, but you’re completely unwilling to even hear them out because you don’t want to try a new place, you may be being stubborn about it.
- It’s normal and natural to be a little worried about change, but if you aren’t open to any new ideas, you can’t learn new things!

6

You aren’t open to another person’s idea.

It’s stubborn to brush people off. If someone presents a different point of view or an idea that may be counter to an idea that you have, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. You don’t always have to accept other people’s ideas, but you should be open to hearing them out. If you aren’t, you may just be being stubborn about it.^{[6]
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- For instance, if someone talks about how cycling is a great form of fitness, but you refuse to discuss or see the benefits of it, you might just be stubbornly sticking to your own ideas about fitness.
- Being stubborn can actually keep you from doing things you would normally want to do, so it's important to learn to let go of it when you start to get stuck.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Ashley Smith, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.}

7

You get upset when others try to persuade you.

A strong emotional response to new ideas is a major sign. A person who isn’t stubborn will hear out someone trying to explain an idea or give their perspective about something. If you find yourself getting angry, frustrated, or really impatient, it might be your stubbornness causing an emotional response.^{[8]
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Harvard Business Review
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Go to source}
- You don’t always have to accept what someone says, but if you get emotionally upset when another person tries to explain their perspective to you, it’s unreasonable and stubborn.
- For example, if someone tries to explain that they believe that time-outs or spanking aren’t effective ways to discipline children, but you get angry at the idea, you may be stubbornly clinging to your own beliefs.

8

You don’t apologize for anything.

Even when you’re proven wrong, you refuse to accept it. The right thing to do whenever you’re wrong is to apologize for your mistake and move on. A stubborn person refuses to say they’re sorry, even if they know they’re wrong. If you find yourself unwilling or unable to apologize, it may be a clue that you’re just being stubborn.^{[9]
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- It can be over trivial things, too. If you’re arguing with someone about whether or not an actor was in a certain movie, and it turns out you were wrong, you should be willing to admit your mistake and apologize. If you aren’t, then you’re being stubborn.

9

You say you’ll do something when you know you won’t.

A halfhearted commitment can stem from your stubbornness. Just because you don’t outright refuse to do something that someone asks you to do doesn’t mean you’re not stubborn. If you tell them that you’ll do it, but in your head, you know you won’t, then you’re actually being stubborn about it, even if it seems nicer.^{[10]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- For instance, if a coworker asks you to fill out a report a certain way, and you say, “Sure thing!” but you really know you won’t do it that way, then you’re being stubborn!

10

You do what you want even when others don’t want to do it.

This is a classic sign of a stubborn person. It’s normal and healthy to at least consider other people’s wants and needs. If you always want to get your way, no matter what other people want, then you may have a selfish and stubborn personality.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- If you’re hanging out with some friends and some people want to watch a movie, others want to go to the park, but you want to watch your favorite show, if you aren’t willing to find some sort of compromise or at least hear other people out, you’re being stubborn.

Expert Q&A

Question

Can stubborn be positive?

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Ashley Smith, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Definitely! Stubbornness can be a strength in some cases, since you're willing to be courageous and go against the grain.
Question

Is it bad being stubborn?

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Ashley Smith, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It really depends on the situation. Stubbornness can definitely be a weakness when you're not willing to budge from your position or admit your mistakes.