How to Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 26, 2022 References

When you break up with a narcissistic partner, it might feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But if you decide you want them back, you don’t want to beg for their attention—you want them to come crawling back to you. Or, maybe you don’t want them back at all, and you just want to reject them one last time. In this article, we’ll tell you exactly how to show your narcissistic ex what they’ve been missing so they desperately want you back.

1

Give them the silent treatment.

Ignoring narcissists tells them they have no control over you. After your relationship ends, your narcissistic ex probably expects you to talk to them every day or beg for their attention. You can get under their skin by ignoring their calls and not responding to their texts. The longer you ignore them, the more they’ll get worried that they’ve lost you for good.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If they call or text you incessantly, feel free to block their number.

2

Post lots of pictures on social media.

Show off how happy you are online to throw it in your ex’s face. Many narcissists use social media as a way to seek approval.^{[2]
X
Research source} If you know your ex is constantly online, you can use that to your advantage. Whenever you’re hanging with friends or out on an adventure, post some pics to your social media accounts to let your ex know that you’re out there having fun without them.
- Narcissists expect you to be too sad to live your life after a breakup. If you show them that you’re ambivalent about it, you can really get under their skin.

3

Go out with your friends.

Hang out with others to show your ex you don’t need them anymore. If your ex tried to isolate you or keep you away from your friends at all (which is common for narcissistic people to do), they’ll be crushed when you reconnect with your social circle. Spend time with your loved ones and have fun to show your ex that you can exist happily without them.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Plus, leaning on your support network can help heal you after a tough breakup.

4

Start dating other people.

Narcissists feel threatened when they see other people’s happiness. If you really want to make your narcissistic ex squirm, go out and date other people. You can keep things casual if you aren’t ready for a serious relationship right now, but be prepared for your ex to come running back.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Narcissists want you to be as obsessed with them as they are with themselves. By dating someone else, you’re showing them that you can move on.

5

Make it clear that your relationship is over.

Make the narcissist think that they’ve lost you for good. If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s losing their hold over a person. If you both made the decision to break things off, let your ex know that you’re not going to reverse that decision just because they regret it now.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “We’re not in a relationship anymore, remember? You’ll have to ask someone else for help.”
- “Sorry, I’m really busy. Plus, we aren’t dating anymore.”

6

Control your emotions around them.

Narcissists want to get under your skin, so don’t let them. Your ex might insult you or spread rumors about you in an attempt to belittle you. If you make contact with your ex again, the best way to get them to stop is to stay calm, and not show them any emotion. This can be tough to do, so try taking some deep breaths and counting to 10 every time you feel like you might have an emotional reaction.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Another great way to stay calm is by using the gray rock method. With this method, you give uninteresting, neutral responses that are about as interesting as a “gray rock,” like, “Uh-huh,” or, “Okay.”^{[7]
  X
  Research source}

7

Set clear boundaries.

Enforcing your boundaries tells a narcissist they have no control over you. If you were in a relationship with a narcissist for a while, they’re probably used to walking all over you. Show them that this isn’t the case anymore by setting a firm boundary and sticking to it. Since you two are broken up, try telling them that they need to limit their contact with you or they can only reach out if it’s completely necessary.^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- “We’re not in a relationship anymore, so I’m only going to answer your texts if it’s urgent. Please don’t text me every day.”
- “You can’t call me while I’m at work. If you keep calling me during work hours, I’m going to have to block your number.”

8

Stop seeking their approval.

A narcissist wants you to value their approval above all else. Narcissists often try to make those around them feel “less than.” When you stop looking for it, they’re going to worry that they’ve lost their hold over you for good. If they criticize you or make comments about your choices, brush them off and act like they don’t affect you.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Try neutral statements, like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or, “I don’t really need your opinion,” to quickly shut a narcissist down.
- To stop seeking their approval for good, find value in your own self-worth. Repeat encouraging affirmations to yourself, like, “I deserve to be happy,” or, “I’m great just the way I am.”

9

Work on yourself.

Make improvements to yourself to show your ex that you’re a strong person. When a narcissist lets you go, they expect you to devolve into a crying mess (because how could you live without them?). Show your ex that you’re strong and capable by diving into your hobbies and your career to better yourself. If you show them that you're out there living your best life, they'll come crawling back to you in no time.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Show off your improvements to your ex by posting about them on social media or telling mutual friends about them.

10

Compliment them.

Feed a narcissist’s ego with compliments to reel them back in. It might seem counterintuitive to compliment the ex you’re trying to make jealous, but for a narcissist, it’s a great way to show them what they’re missing. After you’ve ignored them and lived your own life for a couple of weeks, reach out to them and give them a few compliments. They won’t be able to resist your charm.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- “Hey, it’s been a while! How’s it going? I saw that pic you posted on Instagram the other day—you look really good.”
- “Hey, how are you? I saw you finished up that certificate you were working toward. Just wanted to say congrats.”

11

Accept the blame for the breakup.

To get a narcissist back, you may have to take the blame for what happened. Remember, narcissists aren’t capable of accepting that what they did was wrong.^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} If you’re talking to your ex again and you really want to get back together with them, let them know that you’re the one who messed up, not them.
- “I shouldn’t have been so hasty breaking up with you. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
- “I know I screwed up. Is there any way you can forgive me?”

Warnings

Getting back together with a narcissist isn’t a good idea if your relationship was toxic or abusive. If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 17 Not Helpful 3