If you find yourself constantly fawning over people who don’t give you the time of day, you could be acting like a simp. In the modern age, simp is a term used for someone who puts themselves in a submissive position in hopes of winning a person over. Trying to impress someone is okay in moderation, but overdoing it can make you look a little desperate. Fortunately, you don’t have to be a simp anymore—in this article, we’ll tell you exactly how to change your behavior and put yourself first to avoid simping ever again.

1

Stop doing unprompted favors.

  1. Tons of small gifts and favors can be overwhelming. If you find that you’re always going out of your way to help a person out or bring them stuff without them doing the same, try to cut down. In a healthy relationship, you want an equal amount of give and take: if you do someone a favor, they should be willing to do one for you, too. It’s totally fine to do nice things for someone every once in a while, but if it’s not reciprocated, it might be time to cut back.[1]
    • Grabbing them a coffee on your way to work? That’s probably okay, especially if they asked you to.
    • Heading over to their place and shoveling their driveway during a snowstorm? That’s too much, and it could even make them feel a little uncomfortable.
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2

Set some boundaries for yourself.

  1. Healthy boundaries will stop you from crossing the line in any relationship.[2] If you find that you’ve been simping a little too hard, you might set boundaries around how often you buy them gifts or how much you compliment them online. Setting your boundaries and sticking to them will stop you from getting taken advantage of in your next relationship.[3] You could also try setting boundaries like:
    • Splitting the bill with them when you go out on dates
    • Not dropping everything to hang out with a person
    • Not double texting a person if she doesn’t respond
3

Make yourself less available.

  1. Dropping everything for a person can make you seem too eager. If you constantly rearrange your schedule anytime someone wants to hang out, they'll know that you’re putting them on a pedestal. It’s fine to make plans together, but if you’re busy, let them know that you can’t hang out that day.[4]
    • For instance, if someone randomly hits you up to hang out that day but you’re already with friends, you might say, “Hey, I’m pretty busy this afternoon. What about tomorrow?”
    • This will show them that while you’re still making time for her, you aren’t dropping everything just because they texted you.
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5

Be chivalrous, but not overly so.

  1. Treat the person in your life like people, not fragile objects. When you’re out with a person, it’s okay to hold the door for them or pull out their chair at dinner.[6] However, stay away from grand gestures, like ordering them a meal at dinner.[7] These old-timey gestures only work in the movies—in real life, they make most people feel awkward.
    • Pouring them a glass of wine at dinner: totally fine, and pretty helpful.[8]
    • Throwing your coat over a puddle so they can walk on it: way too far, and could make them feel weird.
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6

Distance yourself from the person you’re simping over.

  1. Take a step back to break your habits. If you’ve been obsessing over a person (or multiple persons) who won’t give you the time of day, it’s time to move on. Unfollow them on social media, stop hanging out in person, and dedicate your time to other people who enjoy your company. The more you spend time on other activities, the less you’ll feel tempted to fall back into your old ways.[9]
    • If you want to, you could even take a full on social media break for a while. Not only will this help distance you from the people you were simping for, but it’s great for your mental health, too.
9

Avoid advice from pickup artists.

  1. The advice from these people rarely ever works. Nowadays, there are tons of online pickup artists or nice people who will tell you exactly how you can get a partner. However, their tactics tend to treat people like they’re objects or damsels in distress. If you’re looking for ways to get a partner, take advice from your friends or your peers, not someone who wants you to put on an act to approach an potential significant other. [12]
    • Remember that being yourself is the best way to make a genuine connection with someone.
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10

Get to know potential dates on a deeper level.

  1. When you meet a cool person, ask them questions about themselves. Remember, not all people are the same: your potential date is going to have different hobbies, goals, and aspirations than other people. Focus on getting to know the people you like instead of impressing them—you’ll have much more success romantically that way.[13]
    • Good questions to ask include, “What did you want to be when you were a kid?” “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” “What do you like to do on the weekends?”
    • Open up about yourself, too! Your date wants to know more about you so they can see if you two are compatible.

About This Article

Erika Kaplan
Co-authored by:
Matchmaker
This article was co-authored by Erika Kaplan and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29. This article has been viewed 109,257 times.
16 votes - 81%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: January 30, 2023
Views: 109,257
Categories: Personality Traits
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