How to Ignore a Bully

Co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD

Last Updated: June 6, 2022 References

Bullies. It seems like wherever you turn, there they are. Bullies can attack in verbal and physical ways that make you feel anxious, depressed, or upset. People bully to get a reaction in order to feel superior, but oftentimes it is an expression of their own problems. To get rid of bullies, you need to ignore them by learning to distract yourself and be assertive.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Ignoring the Bully

1
Be calm and avoid showing your feelings. When a bully confronts you it may be hard to stay calm, but this is key to ignoring them. Avoid showing emotions that you are upset or feel hurt by what they are saying. Learn how to calm yourself in these ways: ^{[1]
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- Start counting to ten backwards. Or try the alphabet backwards.
- Take deep breaths and count to five. Make sure your breaths are making your stomach rise and not your chest. This type of breathing has a calming effect.^{[2]
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  Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.}
- Look at the bully's forehead or past them. Think about a book you are reading or a paper you have to write for class — something distracting but somewhat neutral.
2
Pretend you don't notice them. If they try to get an emotional rise out of you, or touch you to see if you will respond, pretend that you are unfazed by them. Look away from them. Find a way to distance yourself in your chair or in the room.^{[3]
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- Build an invisible wall between you and the bully by visualizing it your mind. See the verbal attack bounce off the wall instead of noticing the bully.^{[4]
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- If you are not in class and someplace where you wouldn't get in trouble for putting on headphones (like on the bus or maybe in the hallway), drown the bully out by listening to music. If you think the bully might get violent or you need to be on your guard, however, this is not a good option.
- Ignore the scathing remarks that you want to say to them. Write them down later if you want.
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3
Walk away and disengage. Put some distance between yourself and the person who is bullying. Find a place where you can go and have privacy. Once you have gotten away from the person, you can let your guard down. ^{[5]
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- Exit a room where the bully is located. Find a space that is private or with people that are supportive.
- If you're in a public space like walking down the street, find a way to get to a safe place or someplace where there are other people around.
- If you are being harassed through your computer, social media, or cell phone, learn to block that person so that you do not receive messages from them.
4
Distract yourself with something positive. Bullying can be stressful, so find ways to distract yourself with positive things. Consider these:
- Listen or play music. Find a favorite playlist to help you stay calm.
- Do something artistic. Write in a journal. Draw. Build something.
- Be physically active. Join a fitness group or sports team. Take a walk.
- Talk with friends. Hang out with people that support you. Do something fun with them.
5
Find ways to avoid them in the future. If it's possible, try to avoid seeing or interacting with the bully. This shouldn't mean that you have to give up doing things you love. You have a right to go to school or work without being bullied. But consider these ways to avoid interactions:
- Get to class or work in a different way.
- Avoid the places where the bully hangs out.
- Find people who will walk with you if you have to cross paths with the bully.
- Find a different time of day to do certain things.
6
Block out a bully on social media. Cyberbullying can be just as emotionally draining as verbal abuse. Understand that bullying online, via text, or chat is not acceptable. Bullies online may act a different way than in person because of the safety of anonymity or being disconnected from people in real life. Learn how to ignore them on social media.
- Avoid the need to respond to their attacks. If they continue to harass you, consider reporting the incident. Here is advice about how to report and prevent cyberbullying: https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/how-to-report/index.html.
- Consider disabling comments on your social media profiles if your bully continues to harass you.^{[6]
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  Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.}
- Block the email address of the person who is bullying. Change settings on your email account.
- "Unfriend" or no longer "follow" them on sites like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Tumblr. Change your account setting so that the private information cannot be accessed to them or the public.
- Block a phone number. Delete the number from your contact list. Depending on your cell phone type, there are ways to remove a number. Contact your phone service provider for additional options.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Assertive

1
Stand up for yourself. Letting a bully know that they have disrespected you is important in helping you preserve your sense of self-worth.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.} Consider ways that you can advocate for yourself. If you are alone with the bully, you may be able to get your voice heard better than if you are in a group setting. Find a calm but strong way to make your voice heard. Consider these:
- Say that you want them to back off, such as "Stop messing with me," or, "Leave me alone."
- Consider using a bit of humor. Just avoid using humor to put them down. You might respond saying, "Apparently you are very concerned about my style and appearance. I had no idea you cared so much!"
2
Be confident. A bully is more likely to attack if you come off as weak or not knowing how to handle yourself. Remember to think positively about who you are, and that you are no better or worse than anyone else.
- When someone is bullying, think to yourself, "I'm better than that. I don't have to pick on other people to feel good about myself."^{[8]
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3
Avoid the need to fight back. Avoid the need to use violence as a way to handle the situation. It will only escalate the situation further and may do more harm than good. Walking away or being assertive verbally are better solutions.^{[9]
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- If you are being attacked and feel that your life is at risk, do your best to run away, but physically protecting yourself may be necessary if you are in danger.
- Be safe and avoid any injury to yourself or others.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finding Support

1
Avoid self-blame by finding ways to cope. You are worthwhile. Bullies often act out as a way to cope with their own insecurities and stressors. Being bullied often has little to do with you. Focus your time and energy on positive things rather than dwelling on the negative. Consider these ways to cope: ^{[10]
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- Try martial arts. Martial arts is often more about self-confidence than about learning how to fight. Karate, judo, and other forms of martial arts can help you redirect that negative energy.
- Join a club or team. Get involved as part of a team. Being part of team can help you feel included rather than excluded. Consider trying out for a sports team, joining an outdoors club, or being part of language club.
- Let out your creative side. Find ways to calm your stress. Put your photographs in an art show. Draw. Paint. Sculpt. Make or build something.
2
Get support from friends and family. Remember, you don't have to bear this alone. Avoid isolating yourself, as this will likely make you feel worse. Seek guidance from friends and family that you trust.^{[11]
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- Talk openly about what you're feeling. They care about you.
- Family or friends that you trust may have gone through bullying too. Get their support and advice about ways to deal with the situation. They may be able to offer you advice you hadn't considered.
- Spend more time with friends and family. It will likely be better to surround yourself with people that care about you even if you're not feeling your best.
3
Talk with an adult or authority figure. Remember to speak up and get help. If you don't know what to do or feel as if it isn't working, get help. These people may be able to help stop the bullying or provide guidance about what to do next:^{[12]
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- A teacher.
- A guidance counselor.
- A parent, grandparent, or relative.
- A mentor through a community group.
- A supervisor or leader at your place of work.
- The police, if there was a serious injury.
- A pastor or leader at your place of worship.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I stop being so anxious in social sitautions?

Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.

Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Understand that anxiety symptoms, including fear and other sensations, might arise and that you have the tools to get yourself through it. You can breathe, you can stay in your body, and you can let the feelings come and still be okay.