How to Hook Up with an Ex Girlfriend

Co-authored by Michele Fields

Last Updated: May 30, 2022 References

Hooking up with an ex is risky behavior that can lead you to get hurt all over again, but it can also give you a thrill to hook up with someone that you used to date. If you want to start dating your ex again, that's one thing, but if you want to know how to hook up with your ex girlfriend, then it's a whole different ball game. To do it successfully, you have to keep things spontaneous, make sure you're both on the same page, and have fun without getting hurt. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Get Ready to Hook Up with Your Ex-Girlfriend

1
Keep it spontaneous. If you want to hook up with your ex without any strings attached and to have as much fun as possible, then you have to start off by being spontaneous. Don't call her or text her, asking what she's been up to. Instead, you should run into her at a club, a party, or just out in the middle of the day, and start charming her and letting her know that you want to hook up.^{[1]
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- If you call her or start checking in with her, then she may get the wrong impression and think you want something more than just hooking up. Treat it like meeting a new and exciting girl out at a bar and then bring her home.
2
Let enough time pass. If you want to start hooking up with your ex, you should wait until at least a few weeks, if not a few months, have gone by before you start trying to hook up with your ex again. Even if you had an amicable and mutual break-up and there are no hard feelings, you should let the dust settle before you try to get back in bed with your ex, or things are bound to get complicated.
- Enough time should pass that you can see your ex as someone hot who you'd like to hook up with, instead of letting all of your old complicated feelings or emotions well up at the sight of her.
- Enough time should pass so you get rid of any anger or lingering resentment or bitterness.^{[2]
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3
Let her know you want to hook up. Once enough time has passed and you've run into your ex, you should make it clear that you want to take her home. Don't tell her that she's beautiful and that you've missed her smile; instead, tell her that she looks great in her new dress and that you've missed her body. You don't have to be too subtle since you should already be pretty comfortable with each other -- just make sure she's feeling it, too.
- Don't give her a puppy-dog love gaze. Look her up and down and let her see that you think she looks hot.
- Be blunt. Ask her to come over or wait for an invitation to go to her place.
4
Make your intentions clear. Before you even touch your ex's lips with your own, you should make your intentions and expectations clear. Tell her you want to hook up without any strings attached, that you're not looking to get back into the relationship, and that you just want to have a little fun. Let her know that you only want to see her to hook up, not to do all the date-y stuff that leads to hooking up.
- Don't be a jerk. It's not cool to lead on your ex, hook up with her again, and then tell her that you're not really looking to reconnect.
5
Make sure you're on the same page. Keep in mind that, when you're about to hook up with an ex, it's pretty unlikely that you're both on the same page. That is to say, it's almost always the case that one of you is still hurt, still reeling, and still emotionally vulnerable from the break up. It could be the case that she dumped you and you're pretending that you want to hook up when you really just want to get back together, or that she's totally hung up on you while you just want to get her in bed. But if you really are looking for the same things, then it's safe to go for it.^{[3]
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- Look into her eyes when you talk about your hook-up status. Does she really agree that it's a good idea, or does she clearly think it'll turn into something more?
- Think about how serious the relationship was in the beginning. If you were only together for a month or two, then you're both much more likely to be okay with just hooking up than you'd be if you dated for a year or two.
- Make sure you're both okay with also hooking up with other people. If you're not, then why not just get back together?

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Hook Up with Your Ex-Girlfriend

1
Make sure you only hook up. Though it sounds harsh, if you're going to hook up with an ex, then you should only hook up with her.
- Be honest about it. Don't make an excuse every time your ex wants to go somewhere public with you. Tell her that you're not looking for anything other than hooking up.
2
Hook up sparingly. Hooking up with your ex can be fun and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should do it every night, because guess what? That's starting to look like a relationship. If you're basically only hooking up with your ex, then you're not letting yourself meet other girls or have any fun on the side. The more time you spend together, the more likely you both are to be hurt, so keep it fun and spontaneous instead of setting a hook-up date for every night of the week.
- Keep it fun and spontaneous. If you see her out, then take her home. If not, then don't call her or text her to find out where she is. You're not supposed to care that much, remember?
3
Don't get too comfortable. It can be tricky to hook up with an ex without feeling too comfortable.
- No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before. All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again.^{[4]
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4
Stay in control. If you want to hook up with your ex without any trouble, then you have to maintain control of the situation at all times. Don't let her set the terms of your hook up, and try to keep things at her place so you remain the master of your own domain. Don't cancel your plans to hang out with your buddies if she wants to hang out; tell her you'll hang out with her if she's free.
- This doesn't mean you should tell your ex exactly what to do; you should find a time and place that works for both of you, but you shouldn't fall prey to her needs.
5
Keep your new relationship private. Don't hang out with your ex in front of your friends, go to a party with her because she doesn't want to show up alone, or tell your friends that you've been hooking up with her again. The more people you bring into it, the more complicated things will get, and you should keep it simple -- just between the two of you.
- If you start going out in public with her and hanging out with her friends, they'll immediately disapprove and tell your ex that she should set the terms for your relationship.
- If you bring her out in front of your friends, then she'll start to feel like your girlfriend again.
6
Avoid "lovey dovey" stuff when you're hooking up. Maybe when you were dating, you would be tender with your woman, telling her how beautiful she is, how much you love her, and how much you love the little dimples in her cheeks. Well, all of your Romeo-moves have to go out the door at this point, or she'll get the wrong picture. She'll think, "He said I'm beautiful -- he must still love me," or "He ran his hands through my hair -- it has to mean something." By doing this, you'll be leading her on and making her feel like you still want to date her.^{[5]
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- You can tell her how hot she is and how much you love her body, but stick to the sexy -- not the tender -- compliments if you want it to last.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Know When to Stop Hooking Up

1
Stop if one of you starts developing feelings again. Unfortunately, it'll be hard to keep hooking up with your ex without having one of you develop feelings for the other person again. As soon as that happens, you'll have to push the eject button on the non-relationship, or things will only get worse from there. Unless you're still really in love with your ex and are using your hook up moves to win back her heart -- incidentally, a terrible idea -- you should cease and desist the second you or she shows signs of having feelings.^{[6]
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- If you start getting that achy feeling in your heart and start musing about what a great relationship you had while knowing it can never work, then it's time to leave.
- If your ex tells you she misses you, sends you sweet (not sexy) texts, or says she wishes you could do some couple-y things together, then it's time to bow out.
- If you have to end the "relationship" for this reason, explain yourself first. You shouldn't be a jerk just because it's over.
2
Stop if one of you starts liking someone else. If one of you starts developing feelings for someone else, even if you haven't pursued that person, you should end up the hook-up period. Hooking up with your ex is something to do when you both want to get some action and are bored because there are few romantic prospects in your lives. But if one of you does start liking someone else, it's time to stop hooking up so you have room to explore those feelings.^{[7]
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- If you know your ex has a crush on someone else, you're doing her a disservice by continuing to hook up with her and taking up her time.
- If you start liking another girl, she won't want anything to do with you if she knows that you're hooking up with an ex-girlfriend.
3
Stop when you've fallen into a routine. Hooking up with your ex should last a month or two at most before things start to get more serious. Even if you're both trying as hard as you can to keep things casual, if you've fallen into a rhythm, basically feel like you're dating, and know exactly when you'll see each other next, then it's time to stop hooking up. If you know when you'll see your ex next, and you stop feeling a thrill at the prospect of hooking up, then the fun is over.
- You can't expect the hook up to last more than a month or two without it leading to something more. Be realistic.
4
Stop if you start fighting like a couple. As soon as you start fighting again, you should end the relationship. If you're not actually dating, then you shouldn't be fighting. It's that simple. If you hear her say, "Where is this taking us?" or "What does all of this mean?" Then she's already back in relationship mode, and your hook up sessions have gone too far. You shouldn't be fighting about anything one of you is doing wrong, because you should only be hooking up, right?
- It may be tempting to fight with your ex again if you're used to it, but remember that it won't lead you anywhere except back where you were -- a bad relationship.
5
Stop if you're no longer having fun. The whole point of hooking up with your ex is so that both of you can enjoy yourselves, get some sexual pleasure, and have fun without any strings attached. If you're not feeling the hook up anymore, if you feel like you're only in it out of obligation, or if you're hooking up with your ex just because you're bored, then it's time to start looking for someone new. You weren't having fun before and that's why the relationship ended.
- Be honest about ending the hook-up session. Don't just start avoiding or ignoring your ex. Let her know it's time to move on.
- Alternatively, if you want to rekindle a relationship after breaking up, ask her directly if she would be open to it.^{[8]
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- Keep in touch with her regularly.^{[9]
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- Remind her of good things and good times in your relationship.^{[10]
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Warnings

Give space or they will be pulled away.

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If you're always with them 24/7, they will get bored (even in a real relationship).

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