How to Win Your Woman Back

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus

Last Updated: December 1, 2021 References Approved

It may be harder to win your woman back than to start fresh with a new lady, but if you know that you have an unbelievable connection, it'll be worth it. Whether your woman is the one who called it quits, or you're the one who ended the relationship and realize you've made a big mistake, there are a number of steps you can take to rekindle that old flame with your woman. If you want your woman back, you have to give her space, make her want you again, and avoid making the same mistakes. If you want to win your woman back and keep her this time, just follow these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Back Off

1
Give your ex some space. If you want to win your woman back, the worst thing you can do is call her constantly, text her every two seconds, or even follow her around everywhere. Though "out of sight, out of mind," is true to an extent, you should start off by giving your ex some breathing room so she can have some time to reflect, enjoy her privacy, and regain enough emotional strength to want you again.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Knowing that it's important to give your ex some space is a sign of maturity. She'll appreciate the fact that you respect her enough to know not to smother her, and that you're mature enough to do your own thing for a while.
- You don't have to cut down on communication completely. You can still check in once in a while, as long as you don't make it sound like you're desperate to hear from her or always around.
- If she gets in touch with you, you should respond but don't get back to her the second she calls or texts, or she'll think you're obsessing over her. Just play it cool.
- You don't have to avoid her 100% of the time, but you should cut back on visiting your favorite hangouts or hanging out with mutual friends in hopes of seeing her. Think of this as your time to regroup before you win her over again.
2
Reflect on what went wrong. Every relationship is different, and so is the end of your relationship. If you want to win your woman back, then you have to consider whatever it was that ended things, and to make sure not to go down that path again. Were you too controlling, too distant, or were there some general incompatibility issues? Maybe it was more simple -- you couldn't get along with her friends, or she couldn't understand your love for motorcycles. Whatever it was, it's time to dig deep to find the source of the problem.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Make a list of all of the things that went wrong in the relationship. Then, look at the biggest issues that led to your downfall.
- You and your ex may have openly discussed these issues before you broke up, or maybe you thought your relationship ended for one reason, when it was really completely something else.
- Once you've pinpointed the main problem, or main problems, make sure that it's something that you can really control. For example, if your main problem was your fundamentally different religious beliefs, or the fact that you live across the country from each other and can't relocate, that may be hard to fix.
Advertisement
3
Make a game plan for addressing the problem. Before you can make a move and start talking to your ex again, you have to think of a way to address the problem. Once you've figured out what it was, you can think about all the things you can do to fix it. If it's relatively simple, then great, but be aware that some problems take a long time to fix.
- If the problem was your lack of confidence, then you'll need some time to work on developing a positive sense of self.
- If the problem was your jealousy, then you have to work on being more trusting and less paranoid.
- If the problem was a quality of your ex, then you have to think about how to be okay with that quality, or about how you can work together to both change.
4
Work on yourself. Everyone can use some self-improvemnt, and what better time to do it than when you have to win your ex back? While you're backing off from your ex and giving her some breathing room, you should spend some time focusing on becoming a more self-assured, confident, understanding, and mature person. This will help you make a better impression on your ex once you win her over again.
- You can't fully address your flaws in a matter of weeks, but you can certainly get a head start.
- Make a list of the things that your ex complained about, as well as the things you'd like to fix. See how many of them you can address, or try to focus on the aspect that matters the most to you.
- If your ex complained that you were messy, then spend more time cleaning your space.
- If your ex complained that you were flaky or always late, then work on sticking to your commitments and showing up on time when you make plans with your friends and family.
5
Enjoy your own company. You shouldn't spend all of your "me time" obsessing over improving yourself or wondering what your ex is up to. Instead, enjoy your own company by reading, exercising, or just taking the time to pursue your own interests and goals to become a better person. If you're comfortable on your own, then your ex will know it once you reconnect. It's important to be secure by yourself before you try to jump back into a relationship again.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- If you're busy pursuing your own interests, your ex may see you doing it -- whether you're going for a run or reading your favorite book in a coffee shop, if she sees you doing your own thing, she'll be impressed.
- Doing your own thing will also make you a more interesting person. When you reconnect with your ex, you'll have more to talk about.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Make Her Want You Again

1
Let her see you having a good time. If you want your ex to want you again, then she has to see you eventually. After enough time has passed -- a few weeks, at least -- it's time to get back into her social circle or just to "run into her" at a time when she can see what a great time you're having. If she knows you're sitting at home pining for her, she'll be less likely to want to be with you than if she sees you having a great time, tossing your hair back, and laughing loudly with your buddies.
- Go to the places where you know she'll be without being too obvious about it. When you see her, stop and chat to let her know you care, but don't drop everything to go talk to her. Instead, have a great time with your friends and make her want to join in on the fun.
- Whatever you're doing, just make sure you have a big smile on your face and that you're laughing or just clearly having a great time without thinking of her.
- If you know you'll see her, you should try to look a little nicer without making it too obvious that you made an extra effort.
2
Get in her friends' good graces. Maybe one of the reasons that your relationship ended is that her friends didn't think you made an effort to get to know them, or that they thought you didn't care enough about your ex to make the relationship worth it. So, if you want your girl to want you again, winning her friends over can help you pave the path to her heart. Here's what you can do:^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If you see her friends, make an effort to be incredibly nice without suffocating them. Just let them see what a great guy you are, and move on.
- You can even casually ask about your ex if you run into her friends. Let them know that she's on your mind.
3
Slowly approach her. Once you've starting "running into" your ex a few times, it's time to make the first move. Start talking to her more, asking how she's doing, and taking a real interest in her life and thoughts. Let her know that she's on your mind and that you really do care about her without overwhelming her. Whether you just run into her at the campus bookstore or even invite her out for coffee, slowly find a way to make it back into her life.
- Whether you're talking to her over the phone or in person, suggest that you should hang out again. Keep it very casual. When you do meet up, don't be obvious about your romantic feelings. Just make her miss you without telling her how you feel.
4
Play hard to get. If you really want to win your ex back over again, then you have to play hard to get once you get back into her life. Sure, you've had coffee, maybe seen a movie, or have even gone back to texting each other or chatting on the phone every few days, but that doesn't mean you should be completely available to her. You have to find the balance between making her think that you're at her beck and call.
- If you're out in a big group, let her see you talking to other girls -- just enough to make her a little bit jealous. Just don't overdo it! You don't want her to think that you've completely moved on.
- If she asks you to hang out, don't agree to hang out as soon as she's free. Make it seem like you have a busy schedule and that you have to squeeze her in.
- If you are hanging out, check your phone and send out a text once or twice. Make her wonder who else you're talking to.
5
Show how you've changed. Once you start spending some time with your former flame again, you need to let her see that you're a changed man. Don't do the same old things that used to drive her crazy. You can even laugh and point out how much better you are now if you want to make light of things. If she always complained about how messy your car was, clean it up and say, "Not bad, right?" the next time she needs a ride.
- Do whatever you can to make her see that you're working on improving the qualities that caused troubles for the relationship are slowly improving.
- Just remember not to change completely -- remember the things she must have loved about you and highlight those aspects of yourself when you're together.
6
Make sure she's interested. Before you tell her how you feel, you need to know that your plan to win your woman over is really working. You need to be able to read the signs to see that your ex doesn't just want to hang out with you as a friend, but that she shares romantic feelings for you. To do this, you'll have to pay attention to what she does, says, and to study her body language to know that you're on the same page.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Check out her body language when you're together. Does she make eye contact, occasionally look at the floor when she's feeling shy, and lean her body towards you when you speak? If so, then she may want to get closer to you.
- See if she gives you compliments on how you've changed, or just points out your good qualities consistently. If so, then she may want to start dating again.
- See if she's hanging out with other guys, or if you've heard she's interested in someone else, or if she only seems to hang out with you.
- See if she goes out of her way to see you, if she mentions hanging out in the future, and if her eyes light up when you ask when you can see her again.
7
Tell her how you feel. If you really do think that she does want to be with you again, then it's time to share your feelings with her. Find a time to get her alone, whether you've asked her out on a date or are hanging out in a more casual but private setting, and turn to her and tell her how much you've missed hanging out with her and that you wish you could be a couple again.
- Let her see that you've put a lot of thought into it -- tell her that you're aware of what went wrong and talk about how you're determined not to let it happen again.
- Tell her you've spent a lot of time reflecting and working on how to become a better person. Make her see that you've already started to make an effort to be with her again.
8
Start dating again. If your old flame does respond to your advances and wants to start dating again, too, then it's time to celebrate -- but not too much. Remember to take things slow, to be a gentleman, and to ease back into the relationship. Enjoy dating, telling each other how you feel, and kissing and cuddling, and take the time to reflect on how much you mean to each other instead of rushing right back into where you started.
- Remember to take it slow. Don't start hanging out with her 24/7, but start going on dates or hanging out a few times a week. You don't want to make her feel smothered at the beginning of your new relationship.
- Just because you're dating again doesn't mean you should take her for granted. Take the time to compliment her, make her feel special, and let her know how lucky you feel to be hanging out with her again.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
  Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keep Her

1
Get a fresh start. Don't look at your time with your woman as the reiteration of your previous relationship. Instead, think about it as starting over and starting to enjoy spending time with each as if it's the first time. Though you can definitely talk about the good times you shared in your previous relationship, you shouldn't dwell on the past or rehash old arguments. Work on building a solid -- and new -- foundation to your newfound relationship and take it from there.
- If you spend all of your time obsessing over the past, you won't be able to enjoy the present with your woman again.
- Though you can go back to doing the things you loved together, you should also take pleasure in pursuing new interests, checking out new restaurants, and going on trips to new places together.
2
Don't fall back into old habits. Though you should enjoy your relationship as a new one, you should still remember the thing that led to the downfall of your relationship. If you find yourself fighting again, disappointing your girlfriend for the same reasons, or finding yourself feeling the same negative emotions you felt the first time around, remember to check yourself and to work on overcoming those troubling situations.
- Find a way to get out of those same bad feelings. If you're feeling irrationally jealous again, tell yourself that you're more likely to lose your girlfriend if you keep feeling that way.
3
Don't overthink it. It's important to avoid falling back into old habits, but don't spend all of your time obsessing about making the same mistakes again, either. Find a balance between enjoying your new and (hopefully) improved relationship and being wary of repeating the same mistakes. If you spend all of your time worrying about all of the things that can go wrong, whether it's in a new relationship or during your second go-around, you'll quickly sabotage your chance at happiness.
- Focus on living in the moment while learning to catch yourself if you're falling back into your old bad habits.
- Your girlfriend and you can work together. She'll take part in keeping the relationship feeling new while avoiding negative patterns. You shouldn't be the only one who wants to make it work again.
4
Always be yourself.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Though it's important to make the changes that are necessary for improving yourself as well as your relationship, don't go so far as to change yourself completely so that you -- or your girlfriend -- don't even recognize the person you've become. Your girlfriend must have liked many things about you to be in the relationship in the first place, so don't forget to maintain the positive qualities that made you a great guy in the first place.
- If you try to change yourself too much, then your girlfriend will be able to tell. She should already know you pretty well and will know when you're not being yourself.
- It's okay to address your flaws, as long as you're also emphasizing your positive attributes.

Expert Q&A

Question

Should I do a grand gesture?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

It's worth a shot! Women like to be romantically pursued, and both small and large gestures can go a long way. These can range from check-ins over text to romantic compliments, inquiring questions, and thoughtful gifts.
Question

How do I get my girlfriend back if she lost interest?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Try new activities and cultivate some fun together! This creates new energy, excitement, and bonding opportunities.
Question

How do you show her that you care?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Physical affection and words of affirmation can go a long way! These gestures can help you both create an emotional investment in each other. Plus, they can reignite passion on both a sexual and emotional level.