How to Get a Girlfriend if You're Ugly

Whether you actually are ugly or not, it can be hard to ask a girl out. However, no matter how attractive you are, someone will find you attractive for the person you are, for your personality and smile. All you have to do is be willing to put yourself out there in the world to find her.

Part 1
Part 1 of 5:

Getting Yourself Noticed

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    Smile at girls. Smiling makes you appear happier to other people, which in turn makes you more attractive.[1] The act of smiling even makes you happier, so it's not just an act, because your brain releases neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin when you smile that make you feel good.[2]
    • In addition, seeing a person smile is actually coded as a reward in other people's brains. When you smile at them, they feel rewarded. In turn, they come to associate good things with you.
    • Also, smiling at another person makes them want to smile, which will make them happier, getting you noticed.
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    Be selfless. A person who is all tied up in themselves is a big turn off for most people. Being a giving person will get you noticed, especially if you are going out of your way to not be noticed. In other words, be generous, but don't flaunt it. People will notice anyway.[3]
    • Try volunteering. Volunteering will help others see you as a selfless person, plus it will get you out in the community to meet people.
    • Also, volunteering will help you feel better about yourself and help you build confidence.
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    Work on your confidence. Confidence is often very attractive to people, even more so than good looks. However, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is knowing that you have good qualities but not spouting off about them every chance you get.[4] If you know you have confidence in yourself, it will show in your mannerisms, so you don't have to talk about it.[5]
    • One way to build self-confidence is to take some time to list your strengths, achievements, and good qualities. Try to consider all the good things about yourself. If you can't get started, ask a friend to help, or think about compliments you've received in the past.[6]
    • Another way to build confidence is stop talking negatively about yourself or at least, try to change the conversation into something somewhat good. For example, if you want to say, "I feel ugly," you could say instead, "I don't feel very attractive today, but I'm thankful this body is living and breathing and is letting me enjoy life."
    • Fake confidence. If you can't bring yourself to feel confident yet, start acting confident. Faking confidence is mostly about the way you present yourself, such as speaking clearly, talking in a loud enough tone for the situation, and looking people in the eye. Also, stand up straight, as slouching implies a lack of confidence.
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    Crack jokes. If you can crack a joke, you'll appear more confident. Plus, it can help break the ice. Self-deprecating jokes can draw other people in, as it shows you're comfortable with who you are, which is an endearing quality.
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    Take care of yourself. Even if you aren't the most beautiful person on the planet, having good hygiene and staying sharp-looking go a long way towards attractiveness. Maintaining a good appearance tells other people that you are confident in yourself, even if you're not.[7] Confidence is a big attraction for most girls.[8]
    • Part of taking care of yourself is just making sure you're practicing good hygiene. Take a shower once a day or at least once every other day, brush your teeth twice a day, floss, and clean under your fingernails. Presenting yourself as unkempt is often a turn off. Deodorant and cologne can also help.
    • Take care of your hair. You don't need a trendy haircut. However, it's good to get regular haircuts to rid yourself of dead ends and to keep your hair from being unruly. In addition, make sure to comb and style it every day so it's not out of control.
    • Pick clothing that fits you well and looks good on your body. Plus, make sure you are comfortable in whatever clothing you choose.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 5:

Putting Yourself Out There

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    Go to clubs and other social places. While clubs and bars may not seem like the ideal place for conversation, you can meet women there. In fact, many people go out in the hopes of finding dates or new boyfriends or girlfriends, so the odds are in your favor. However, if you're going out dancing, make sure you stand out by learning some good moves for the dance floor. Girls will be so busy noticing your dance moves, they won't have time to notice if you're attractive or not.
    • If you're not a very good dancer, ask a friend who is a good dancer to show you some moves.
    • If clubs aren't your thing, go other places where people are social, like a coffee shop.
    • You could also join local clubs, take a class at the community college, or join an athletic team. The main thing is you need to get out there and meet people.
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    Use online dating. Another option if you don't want to meet people in clubs or other public places is online dating. If you're a bit shy about putting yourself out there, online dating sites can act as a bit of crutch, as you don't have to go up and talk to random strangers. In addition, it puts you in touch with many more people than you could actually meet in person.[9]
    • You should put up a profile picture, but since you're in control, you can choose one you find flattering.
    • In addition, most of the people you meet on these sites will be single and available.
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    Cultivate relationships. You don't have to meet a new person to have a girlfriend. You probably have people in your life already who could be girlfriends, and in fact, many romances blossom out of friendships. You just have to look for the right ones.[10]
    • Consider your friendships. Are there any girls in your life who would make a good girlfriend, who you enjoy spending time with?
    • Be flexible. If you find yourself less than attractive and still want love, you need to offer that same chance to the girls in your life. That is, even if you don't think the person is that attractive, get to know them before brushing them off.
    • You may need to think outside the box when it comes to thinking about a girlfriend. You may have a person in your life who's been around for years, but you've just never thought of her as a girlfriend.
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    Be who you are. You probably heard it said that there's someone for everyone, and that's true. Try to express who you are in your demeanor and the way you dress, as that will attract someone who's interested in some of the same things you are. Plus, if you stand out a bit, you won't be lost in the crowd.[11]
    • For example, if you're a bit nerdy, don't be afraid to don a nerdy shirt when you're out in public. You'll find plenty of girls are attracted to nerdy guys.
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    Consider the time and place. You should go up and talk to people. That's how you get to know someone. However, you should always consider where you are, too. If you're at a park late at night and you see a woman walking alone, that is probably not the best time to go strike up a conversation. In fact, most of the time, daytime is probably better to talk to a woman no matter where you are, unless you're at a club or bar.[12]
    • In addition, if you're alone with woman, especially in a small space, that can be off-putting if you start trying to flirt.
    • Limit your flirting to places where there are other people around and where she can move away if she wants to.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 5:

Knowing What to Say

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    Talk to girls. When you see someone you'd like to talk to, get up and go talk to her. You may think she's out of your league, but you never know until you pluck up the courage to start a conversation. Be sure to do it as soon as you see her, as the chance you have to talk to her will close quickly.
    • In other words, if you see a girl who looks interesting at a coffee shop, go try to strike up a conversation.
    • If she rebuffs you, don't take it personally. Some people, particularly introverts, just don't like talking to random strangers. It may have nothing to do with how you look.
    • Don't be afraid to laugh and joke with her. If you set her high above you, she won't feel like she can be herself around you, which isn't something that will attract her to you.
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    Break the ice. If you want to get a one-on-one conversation started with a girl, start by breaking the ice a little. If you come on too strong, you may find yourself rejected, which probably wouldn't change even if you were the most beautiful person in the world. It's much better to get a genuine conversation going first.[13]
    • For example, one way to get a conversation going is to ask her a favor, any small favor. If you're both at the bar, ask her to pass you a napkin or the nuts. Oddly, asking someone a favor endears them towards you.
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    Ask a question. Another way to get the conversation rolling with a girl is to ask a question. The best kinds of questions get the other person talking and are a little bit flirty but not overtly so. Basically, you want the girl to notice that you're there and start talking to you.[14]
    • It may work better to get the person to evaluate themselves instead of you.
    • For example, ask the girl if her watch is a designer brand. If you're watching game on television at a bar, ask her if she's any good at basketball, rather than saying you, yourself, are amazing. If you try to impress her too much, you can turn her off.
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    Keep the conversation going. Once you've got it started, try to keep it going. If it lags, bring up something new. For example, you could make a statement about your surroundings that further engages her in conversation, such as, "The coffee here is amazing!" That gives her something to talk about, too, even if it's just agreeing with you.[15]
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    Keep your mouth shut when you have nothing to add. If you can't add something smart to a conversation or something that moves the conversation along, it's better to keep quiet. Girls will perceive your quietness as intelligence because when you do say something, it will be something of worth.[16]
    • However, if you're in a one-on-one conversation, try to keep the conversation going if you can.
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    Skip the desperation. Women are less likely to find a person attractive who comes across as desperate when they're trying to get a date. If you beg a girl for a date, that's an instant turn off, so play it cool. If she says "no," just walk away, which shows you're not desperate and that you respect her boundaries.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 5:

Asking a Girl on a Date

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    Make a suggestion. If you feel like you're not the most attractive, you may not have the confidence to ask a girl out directly. In that case, you can go about it in a more roundabout way, such as making an indirect suggestion that she go out with you.[17]
    • For example, you can ask her what she's doing over the weekend. When she responds, you can say, "That sounds fun. I'm going to see this new art exhibit that's supposed to be really cool. Maybe you'd like to see it, too?"
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    Make it seem like her idea. One way to make it seem like you're not asking is to first ask for a recommendation of a restaurant or some other fun thing in the area. Once she responds, you can suggest that you go together, which makes it seem like her idea.[18]
    • For example, you could say, "Do you know this area well? I don't get over here much. Know any good Mexican restaurants over here?" When she responds with a name, say, "Oh, that sounds good. Want to show me the ropes there?"
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    Try your own suggestion. You can also try the opposite approach, where you talk about a fun or great place in the area. She may respond that it sounds interesting, and then you can suggest that you try it out together.[19]
    • You might say, "I've heard that place across the street has the best burgers." If she says, "Really? I love a good burger." You could say, "Want to try it out with me?"
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    Just be yourself. Another option is to just be direct. You may think you need to hide behind flirtatious questions, but really, most women appreciate when you're at least somewhat direct with what you want. Therefore, it never hurts to just ask, as the worst she can say is "no."[20]
    • For instance, if you've been talking for awhile, you could say, "You know, you're fun to talk to. How would you like to continue this conversation over dinner?"
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Part 5
Part 5 of 5:

Dressing the Part

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    Pick clothes that fit. Choosing good clothes starts with picking ones that fit you well. The clothes you choose should be form-fitting, not baggy. However, they shouldn't be so form-fitting that they're uncomfortable.[21]
    • If you've never done it, it can help to measure yourself. Take measurements at your shoulders, chest, waist, hips, and thighs, as well as your inseam. Use a measuring tape meant for measuring the body, which you can find in sewing kits or at craft stores.
    • Your inseam is the line running from your crotch to where you want pants to fall on the inside of your leg. You can take an inseam measurement off a pair of pants that fits you well.
    • Once you have your measurements, you can compare them to typical size charts to get an idea of what should fit. However, you'll still need to try things on because every brand runs a little differently.
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    Pick things you like. Don't pick something just because you think a girl will like it if it makes you uncomfortable to wear. You'll look uncomfortable wearing it, and that won't get you anywhere. That being said, think about the occasion when choosing your clothes. You don't want to wear ratty jeans and an old holey t-shirt on a first date. The girl you're dating will expect you to dress up some.[22]
    • If you're not sure what's appropriate, take a fashion-conscious friend along when you go shopping. Just be sure that you don't buy something that makes you really uncomfortable to wear.
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    Consider a personal shopper. You can hire people who will find things that look nice on you. Having another person's opinion can be helpful in creating a new look for yourself. Another option is a subscription service that sends you clothes once a month that match your tastes and body type, that you then choose to buy or send back.[23]
    • If you don't have the money for either of these options, it's fine to ask employees at the store what they think.
    • However, they are being paid to sell clothes, so they have a vested interest in getting you to buy. Plus, many have a wide variety of other duties, so don't take up too much of their time.
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    Get your clothes tailored. While you may not be able to afford expensive clothes, getting less expensive clothes tailored to fit you better can make all the difference in how they look. They won't hang off you or be too long in the arm or leg. If you go to the dry cleaners for alterations, it's usually not very expensive.[24]
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    Pick darker colors. Darker colors often look sharper, mostly because they hide the flaws in the fabric and construction. If you pick lighter fabrics, they tend to show off the flaws if your clothes are cheaper. Plus, lighter fabrics will show more stains.[25]
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    Why does everyone say to smile at girls?
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Smiling puts people at ease. It's a signal that you're approachable, and it makes people feel good on an intuitive level. It's really one of the best things you can do if you're trying to connect with someone!
  • Question
    What if I can't get a girl to like me because I'm short?
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    This is a thing you'll hear every now and then, but to be honest, most women really don't care about this. Even the girls that do claim to care about height usually will throw out silly requirements like this if they see someone who is funny, confident, and well-mannered. Don't dedicate too much emotional energy to this; your height isn't really as important as you probably think it is!
  • Question
    How can I get a girlfriend if I never have the opportunity to hang out privately with a girl I like?
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try hanging out in a group! It can be really intimidating to just approach someone and try to build a relationship with someone if you don't know them super well. But if you hang out with other people when she's around, it'll give her an opportunity to get more comfortable around you.
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References

  1. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
  3. ↑ http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/9-things-incredibly-attractive-people-do.html
  4. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201310/does-everyone-find-confidence-attractive
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  7. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  8. ↑ http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/9-things-incredibly-attractive-people-do.html
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201407/what-you-need-know-you-try-online-dating
  1. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meimei-fox/conscious-relationships-and-romance_b_1069726.html
  2. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  3. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/09/dating-101-meet-women-without-creepy/all/1/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  7. ↑ http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/9-things-incredibly-attractive-people-do.html
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  12. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-can-i-learn-to-dress-better-1215111190
  13. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-can-i-learn-to-dress-better-1215111190
  14. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-can-i-learn-to-dress-better-1215111190
  15. ↑ http://www.riskology.co/dress-well/
  16. ↑ http://www.riskology.co/dress-well/

About This Article

Cher Gopman
Co-authored by:
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post. This article has been viewed 259,529 times.
34 votes - 39%
Co-authors: 28
Updated: December 4, 2022
Views: 259,529
Categories: Getting a Date
Article SummaryX

Getting a girlfriend can be hard, even for the most attractive people! Fortunately, there are plenty of easy ways to get girls to notice you. Try smiling at girls, which will make you look happier and more attractive. Another way to get noticed is to be more giving, like volunteering or helping others. This will help you get out into the community, where you will meet others. Helping others will also help you feel good about yourself, build your confidence, and make you appear more attractive to others. When you see a girl you'd like to talk to, try saying hello. Even if you think she's out of your league, you'll never know until you try. To learn how to start a conversation with a girl, keep reading!

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