How to Ask a Girl Out

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran

You're so ready to go on a date with the girl you've been crushing on, but first you have to ask her out. How should you bring it up? What exactly should you say? Asking a girl out in person, over text, or on social media can be intimidating, but don't worry. We've got all of the best tips for asking a girl out. Keep reading for examples of what to say, plus tips on how to appear cool and confident when you ask her out.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Asking Her in Person

1
Plan what you’re going to say so you feel more confident. Having a plan will help you be more direct so that there are no misunderstandings.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} You want her to know that you’re asking her out in a romantic sense, not just as friends. You don’t have to repeat a script word-for-word, but you’ll feel more comfortable if you have a general idea of what to say. Here are some examples of things you could plan to say:^{[2]
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- “I got tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in August. Would you want to come with me as my date?”
- “Would you like to go to the new bookstore and grab a coffee together afterward?”
- “I’d love to take you out to dinner next weekend. How about the new Thai place?”
- If you’re really shy, use that to your advantage. You can even plan to say something like, “You know I’m a pretty shy person, so this is a little awkward for me, but I wanted to tell you that I think you’re really nice and have a great sense of humor. Would you want to go play mini-golf next weekend?”^{[3]
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2
Wait to ask her until you’re fairly certain she’ll be in a good mood. If you notice that she seems sad or angry about something, it might not be the best time to ask her out on a date. Try to catch her after something good happens, like if she gets a good grade on a test or gets an interview for a job she wants.^{[4]
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- Asking a girl out in person can be nerve-wracking! To help ease your anxiety, set a deadline for yourself and commit to asking her before that date. Once you start the conversation, it’ll just take a few minutes to ask her out.
Tip: If she just recently broke up with someone, you may be tempted to jump right in and ask her out as soon as she’s available. But, chances are, she needs a little bit of time to adjust. Give her a few weeks before you attempt to ask her out. In the meantime, offer her your friendship and an ear to listen if she needs it.

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3
Talk to her when she’s by herself so you don’t have an audience. If a girl is with a group of friends when you try to ask her out, she may get embarrassed or not be able to talk openly because she might feel uncomfortable about how many people are watching your interaction. Plan out a way that you can comfortably talk to her one-on-one.^{[5]
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- You could ask to walk her to her next class.
- You could ask her to wait up after a meeting because you have a question for her.
- You could even send her a text asking her to meet you somewhere.
4
Make eye contact and do your best to speak clearly. When you get her one-on-one and are ready to ask her out, take a calming breath. Smile, make gentle eye contact, and stand up straight.^{[6]
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Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Avoid slouching over, staring at the ground, or mumbling. Remember, you don’t need to say more than 2-3 sentences.^{[7]
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- If you’re nervous, practice what you’re going to say in front of a mirror several times.
- You could also record yourself asking her out. Play it back to yourself to see how you sound and make any adjustments that you need to. Do you say “umm” or pause a lot? Keep practicing until your question sounds natural.
5
Ask her out! Once you’ve gotten her attention and are talking to her, you just need to take a deep breath and calmly ask her on a date. Say something like, “Would you like to grab a drink at the new coffeehouse this Sunday?” or “I’d like to get to know you better. What do you think about taking our dogs out for a walk something this weekend?” Remember to be direct and confident.^{[8]
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- If you want to do something a little more romantic, consider something like having flowers delivered to her house. Then, follow up with her in person and say something like, “I hope you liked the flowers I sent. What do you think about going out this weekend?”
- You could also do something a little out of the box, like have a pizza delivered to her with a note attached that says something like, “This is a little cheesy, but I’d love to go out to dinner with you this weekend.”
6
Respond positively, no matter what her answer is. In the best-case scenario, she said yes and you can move on to preparing for your date! If she turned you down, it’s normal to feel a little bummed. Do your best to not take it personally; try to view it as a “not the right time, not the right person” situation, and move on as best you can.^{[9]
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- Definitely don’t try to convince her that she is making a mistake. She knows what she wants and trying to make her do something else will make her feel uncomfortable.
- Try saying something like, “No worries—I’m glad I at least asked and don’t have to wonder! I hope you have a great day.” Be sincere and try to smile and not sound sarcastic.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Using Texting and Social Media

1
Use text or social media if that’s how you normally communicate. A lot of dates are arranged via text, DM, social media, and in other similar ways. When deciding how to ask a girl out, pick whichever method feels most natural to your normal way of communicating.^{[10]
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- Keep in mind that you’ll want to be really clear via text so that your intentions aren’t misunderstood.
2
Pick an activity to ask her to do before you send your message. Rather than being vague and asking her to just “hang out” or what she’s up to that weekend, pick something fun that you think you’d both enjoy. This gives her something to respond to, and you won’t be left wondering what to do if she says yes. Here are some great first date ideas:^{[11]
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- Go to an arcade or to play mini-golf
- Go to a coffee shop and a used bookstore
- Plan a movie marathon
- Go to an admission-free art exhibit or festival
- Volunteer at the local animal shelter to walk and play with the animals
- Make homemade pizza and do a puzzle together
Tip: Ask her out far enough in advance if you want to do something that requires tickets. It would suck if she wasn’t available that weekend or if the tickets were all sold out.
3
Keep the text short, sweet, and specific. Send her a message that says something simple like, “Hey Kate, I think you’re really cute. Want to go play arcade games and get something to eat this Friday?” Telling her you think she’s attractive clues her in that this is a romantic message and not just a friendly one.^{[12]
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- Remember to ask about a specific activity. For example, “Would you like to go out on a date with me next Saturday? I thought we could get dinner and go see a movie,” sounds much more romantic than, “Want to hang out sometime next weekend?” The latter could be misinterpreted.
- Text isn’t the only option—you could use DMs in different social media apps or send a cool video through Instagram or Snapchat.
4
Accept her answer and respond quickly even if she turns you down. If you get rejected, don’t wait too long to reply. You could say something like, “That’s okay! I just wanted to ask. I still think you’re cool and will see you in class.” It’s not fun to get rejected, but it is a normal experience and doesn’t mean anything bad about you as a person. It’s just not the right fit right now.^{[13]
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- If you do get rejected, reassure yourself that at least now you know. You won’t be left wondering what could have happened, and you have more practice under your belt for the next time you decide to ask a girl out.
Tip: If a girl says no, respond positively and calmly. The next time you see her in person, make it a point to say “hi” and smile so that she knows there are no hard feelings.
5
Make plans for your first date if she says yes. Hopefully, you got a positive response to your message! Firm up the details for the date, put it in your calendar, and take a few minutes to celebrate how well things went.^{[14]
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- Either the day before or the day of your date, send her a message letting her know you’re looking forward to hanging out.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Gauging Her Interest Level

1
Find out if she is already dating or interested in someone else. You may already know this info, but if not, it’ll come in handy when deciding when or if to ask her out. Pay attention to the people she talks about often. If they aren’t regular friends of hers, it may be someone she is interested in romantically. Check out her social media to see if there are any clues there, too.^{[15]
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- You could even turn this into an opportunity to get to know her better by asking something like, “Tell me more about some of the people you’ve dated,” or “Did your last relationship end well?”
2
Check to see if you catch her staring at you. When someone looks at your frequently, that can often mean that they’re interested in you. Especially if you are already friends, this can be a great indicator that she may be developing feelings for you.^{[16]
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- If you don’t notice this, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t interested or that you shouldn’t ask her out. It’s just one way you might be able to tell if her feelings toward you have changed.
3
Observe her body language to tell if she is interested in you or not. Does she approach you and stand or sit near you? Does she touch your arm or shoulder? These signs may not mean that she likes you romantically, but they show that she doesn’t dislike you. They mean she is comfortable around you and generally likes you as a person. This is a great sign!^{[17]
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- Your chances of getting a “yes” when you ask her out are much higher if a girl likes you as a person.
- On the flip side, if she avoids you, doesn’t make eye contact, or moves away when you’re close by, those are clear signs that she doesn’t want to spend time with you.
4
Flirt with her to see if she responds positively. Make longer-than-usual eye contact and smile at her. Touch her gently on the arm or shoulder to make physical contact. Compliment her looks and her intelligence.^{[18]
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- Compliment her.^{[19]
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  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} To compliment a girl, you could say something like, “That sweater brings out the color of your eyes,” or “You did a great job on your presentation today. I wish I could speak in front of people like you.”
Texting Tip: If you’re flirting via text, you could say something like, “Every time my phone goes off, I’m hoping it’s you.”

Additional Ideas

Sample Ways to Ask Someone Out

Sample First Date Ideas

Sample Ways to Handle Rejection

Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Men

Dating is hard. We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you get more dates, go on better dates, and ultimately find your person.

1

Look Attractive (Guys)

2

Flirt with a Girl over Text

3

Ask a Girl Out

4

Impress a Girl on a Date

5

Ask a Girl for a Kiss

6

How Often Should You Text Someone ...

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it okay to take a girl home on the first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

It is not appropriate to take a girl home on the first date. Less than 10% of those who have sex within the initial three dates continue dating for a year. Secondly, it is not suitable for health and safety reasons.
Question

How should I choose a location for a date so that both of us are happy?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

You can give your suggestions for the location and time of the date. Then ask your partner to choose from the options. For example, you can ask, what do you think of going to this or would you prefer this?
Question

How can I make my date enjoyable?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Make eye contact with your partner while talking. Give your partner a chance to speak about herself. Do not do the same things you do on every date. Pay attention to what this particular girl wants and act accordingly.