How to Get Attention

Be relatable and genuine. If you want people to pay attention to you, whether you're trying to sell them a product or you just want to get a guy to talk to you, you have to be relatable. They have to identify with and feel connected to you. They have to believe that you are what you're selling yourself as. That's just human nature. This means showing your flaws and not trying to make yourself seem like Superman. Don't oversell it. You need to seem plausible, real, and tangible. You need to seem truthful.^[4]

• When you're not relatable, people feel like they're getting sold a story. They feel like they're being manipulated. Instead, let them see a slightly better version of what they already know to be true. Then they will not only be motivated, they'll feel like you're something they can actually have and deserve.
• This goes for those who feel lower than their peers too. Let people see that you own up to your flaws but you're really working to improve yourself. They'll give you a chance, because they hope that someone would give them the chance too.
• Don't say things you don't really mean or laugh at jokes you don't get or don't find funny. People can tell.
• You should also avoid rehearsed speeches. You don't want the "ad copy" sound. This seems more manipulative and fake. Instead, always speak from the heart.

Be positive. No one likes to be around someone that is a downer. They already know what's impossible. They know that life is difficult and sad sometimes. What they need is to know that things turn out well in the end. Everyone that goes through a hard time (which is everyone) inherently seeks out someone that convinces them that life gets better.

• Start by finding the upsides in tough situations.
• You should also keep complaints away: both by saving your own and helping others to set aside theirs.

Project confidence. Everyone likes someone who's confident. The funny thing about confidence though is that very few people actually have it. It mostly comes down to being good at faking it. Don't talk down about yourself (unless it's a light jab in order to make a joke at your own expense). You also should speak up for yourself and be willing to approach people and strike up a conversation.

• It's hard sometimes to hit a balance between being confident and being vain or self-centered. Don't try to make conversations about you. Focus more on feeling good about what you have to offer others (and offering it to them!) rather than making things about what others should offer to you.

Know what you're talking about. Whether you're trying to make friends, take leadership in the classroom, or sell your product to investors, it's crucial to actually know what you're talking about. People can usually tell when you don't. This doesn't mean that you should act like a know-it-all or show off your expertise all the time. It just means that you shouldn't claim expertise in an area you don't know, just in order to appeal to people.

Be exciting and interesting. You need to be willing to break the mold a little bit. You have to offer something to people that’s more than the boring stuff that they’re used to seeing. Mostly, this means just getting out there and doing something! Just sitting around and sticking to what you’ve always done isn’t very engaging. Be just a little unexpected and be willing to take some risks. This will attract everyone from customers to potential friends.

• People tend to feel like they live boring lives. When they see someone doing something exciting, it gives them the chance to feel like they’re exciting too by being connected to you.

Be familiar. You need to be friendly when you talk with new people. You don't want to come across as cold or difficult to approach. This creates awkwardness and tension when you're trying to develop a relationship with them. Of course, you don't want to act overly familiar. Just be willing to open up to them about yourself and use inviting body postures and language. For example, instead of keeping your arms crossed while you talk, speak with your hands and make sure they see a big smile!

Pay attention. In order to be really good at getting positive attention, you need learn how to read people. It's crucial for knowing when to press more and when to back off. Pay attention to how people use body language and what people say. Similarly, you need pay attention to what feelings people are expressing and what they say about the events in their lives, so that you can make an educated guess about what would interest them in that moment.^[5]

• If they seem like they're looking for an exit, you probably need to back off for awhile and excuse yourself gracefully.

Develop a connection. When you want someone's attention, you need them to feel connected to you. They need to feel like the two of you get and care for each other. They need to feel like you're invested in their happiness and well being. Do this by creating and showing sympathy towards them. Show them that you care about them and are genuinely interested in them. When they've had a hard day, they need to see you taking an honest interest in their problem and trying to make them smile (at no obvious benefit to you). They should also feel that you support and encourage them. Judgement and criticism only throw up barriers. Be their cheerleader and when they're making poor choices, instead of judging them simply guide them to a better solution.

Excite their sense of adventure. People naturally want to see themselves as the hero in their own story, not as the side character in someone else's. If you can play to this desire, you can be great at getting lots of attention. Appeal to people's curiosity, by giving them a puzzle to solve that ends in a reward. Appeal to their love of stories, by telling them a story with a happy ending that mirrors their own experience. Tell your own story in a way that paints them as the hero. No matter what you want from them, this will really help grab their attention.^[6]

Make others feel important. Similarly to how they need to feel like the main character in their own story, people want to feel important. This helps build the idea that we are side characters in their story, by helping them to feel like they're making an impact on the lives of others. Make them feel important by giving them small ways in which they can help you or by helping them to see the profoundly positive role they play in your life.

• For example, if you're not that popular but you want to make friends, find a more popular person that tends to be nice than the rest and say something like, "I'm having a really hard time making friends and you seem so good at getting along with other people. Can you help me learn to be better at making friends?"
• If you want to appeal to a potential business partner, say something like, "We here at Business Corps have admired how you run your company for years. You're an outstanding example to the entire industry and to me personally. We'd really love to find some way to work together, to bring some of your wonderful spirit of innovation into Business Corps."

Give people a reason to be invested in you. You have to show people that you have something of value to offer them. In the case of relationships, friendships, and partnerships, this means giving as much as you take. It means being your own fully developed person with worthwhile traits. If you are a business, it means showing your customers that you can offer them more than your competitor, even if it's just a better balance of emotional benefits to physical benefits. ^[7]

• Be there for people when they're having a hard time. Help them with their problems and make sacrifices for them with no thought to how it affects you. They'll remember how hard you worked for them.
• This also means that you have to emphasize and play up why you are different. There will be lots of people with similar stories or generally similar offerings. You have to show them what you can do that no one else can. This might be something like a unique feature or it might be something less tangible, like a more ethical approach to what you do.

Be honest. Sometimes when you want attention from other people, you just have to say what you want. This is especially important when trying to get attention in relationships. This can be a dangerous move, but sometimes it's just what's needed to make yourself more relatable to others. Sometimes they just can't see themselves in you until you show it to them. If you're not having any luck with other methods, you can try to appeal to their sense of humanity by showing yours.

Take on challenges. Someone that's not afraid to take on the challenges that others shrug off is someone that gets attention. We're not saying that you should start skateboarding off a cliff, though. You're better off choosing the tough subject for a report, choosing a career that really takes some work (like being a firefighter), or creating a product that is completely new. Do something that someone is going to look at your actions and say: "Man, I didn't think anyone would actually be brave enough to do that!" This not only earns their attention, it earns their respect, and that is the kind of attention that you really want.^[8]

• This advice also applies to finding relationships. A potential boyfriend or girlfriend wants to see that you're willing to and able to handle the more challenging aspects of life.
• You have to balance risk vs reward when choosing challenges though. If it's a dangerous activity, for example, it's going to need an awfully high amount of benefits in the end to be worth it.

Find or embrace a talent. Talent is sexy. It's beckons to people, regardless of whether they are potential relationship material or if they are customers. Everyone wants to know that girl that plays killer base. Everyone wants to know that guy that puts together outfits that belong in Vogue. Everyone wants to do business with that company that does advertising that makes Mad Men look like a bunch of kids working a lemonade stand. Find your talent, or develop a new one if you don't have one you like, and then embrace it and show it to the world.

• You'll find lots of good primers on lots of cool skills all across wikiHow. Poke around to get some ideas and see what speaks to you!

Appeal to what people like. Unfortunately you can't just be 100% your own person that only appeals to you. It seems like that should be how life works, right? But when you only do things that appeal to yourself, it shows a lack of interest in other people. It makes you seem self-involved. It makes you seem like you're not interested in being a team player. Temper your own approach to your interest area with something that appeals to a wider audience. This way people are more likely to look at what you're doing and see something that they can get behind, even if it is a bit unique or unusual.

• For example, if you like old-fashioned clothing, don't go full-on 1950s rockabilly. Instead, mix vintage pieces with modern looks into a wardrobe that also features modern pieces. This way the flavor of your personality shines through, but it doesn't hit people over the head.

Stick to one thing at a time. Don't flit from one trend to the next, or from one interest area to another. This makes it clear that you're only doing things to get attention and it makes it seem that you don't really care about anything you do or the people that it appeals to. Instead, let progressions happen naturally and move slowly from one area to the next.

• For example, don't go from selling jeggings to selling tablet covers. Instead, move on from jeggings to selling more general accessories and then move on to more decorative items like tablet covers.

Call people out. You want to command attention, not just ask for it. Now, generally you should do this by being nice and appealing to the better side of people. Sometimes, though, you'll run into people that are so caught up in themselves that they distract from what you're trying to offer people. When someone is being a jerk, ruining the experience of other people, or generally being rude to you: call them out on it. Let them know that their attitude isn't wanted and that they can take their negative approach elsewhere. It's fine to have constructive criticism or try to find solutions for flaws, but always looking for the downside isn't helping anyone.

Use dramatic gestures sparingly. Dramatic gestures to get attention are childish and tend to make you someone that other people don't want to be around. You'll come across as unpredictable, lacking a sense of appropriate behavior, and more of an attention whore than someone that actually deserves attention.

• A good example of this attention-grabbing behavior can be see in the characters in a lot of children's shows these days.