How to Get a Guy to Talk to You

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: November 19, 2021 References

What are guys thinking? It can be hard to know sometimes. If you want to get a guy to talk to you more, you can learn how to start conversations and get to know him better, to translate your flirting into the possibility for more. You don't have to wait around on a guy. Get him to come to you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Starting a Conversation

1
Start making contact slowly. If you want a specific guy to talk to you, start by making regular eye contact and smiling to show him that he's caught your attention. If he responds positively, but doesn't approach, go up to him instead. It's the 21st century. You don't have to wait.
- Just start saying "hi" and using his name on a regular basis. Give him a little wave. He'll get the message.
2
Have a plan. All guys are different, and different situations call for different approaches. If you want to get a really social guy to notice you, try talking to him in a big group by cracking on him with some jokes. If you want to get a shy guy to notice you, that'd be a terrible idea. Try to talk to him one-on-one in private instead. But don't make it too obvious that you had a plan in the first place. Just be yourself.
- If you get tongue-tied when you approach a cute guy, make sure that you plan out the basic things that you're going to say before you try and say them. This will help calm you down and make you seem more natural while you're talking.
- Don't memorize a script. Even if you're feeling really nervous, it's a whole lot better to go in naturally and have a normal conversation than to try and recite something as if you're in a movie.
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3
Talk about something you have in common. Find out what he likes. Lots of guys like gaming, sports, and music, but all guys are different. Friend or follow him on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, any social media site that he has and try to figure out what he's interested in. Once you do this, you know if you have anything in common, and if you do, then you have a conversation topic.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}
- Even if you're not particularly knowledgeable about a particular game or a particular sport, ask him some questions about it to try and get him to open up. Guys are usually a lot more comfortable talking about "subjects" instead of talking about themselves.
- Once you've got a conversation topic, you can start with a simple question about this topic, and this may lead to a wider conversation. For example, "Hey, I heard you like (fill hobby in here) and was wondering if you could help me with (fill area in here)."
4
Have a partner in crime. Have one of your friends start you off, if you're feeling nervous. Probably one that already knows this guy. If you don't know anyone who knows him, I'm sure one of your friends will be happy to get to know him. You don't want to start out talking to him straight up. That will be awkward and uncomfortable.
- Have your friend talk you up. When your friend talks to him, have him/her bring you up in a few conversations. Tell your friend to explain how you are funny, and love to laugh, and how you have a great smile. Don't be afraid to talk yourself up while asking your friend to talk you up.
- Have your friend introduce you to him, and have her introduce him to you. Now is when it gets fun.
5
Don't worry about "flirting" with a guy. There's no big secret to flirting. It's just talking to someone that you like, but sweetly. He'll find out sooner or later how you feel and he might feel the same.
- Just worry about initiating the conversation and keeping it fun and casual so he'll want to be the one to start it next time. Because a guy won't just talk to you out of the blue, that's not how relationships work. So you have to put a little effort in, and then he'll pull his weight too.
6
Be clear and obvious. Boys can be a little dense. They can not see that you are an amazingly perfect girl unless you show him that you are. If this guy says something funny, cute, or smart, tell him what you thought. Say explicitly, "That was really funny." Guys love it when you compliment them.^{[3]
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- Guys also appreciate sarcasm often. Try going the sarcastic route and be like "That wasn't funny at all," if your guy has a sense of humor. These guys go crazy when a girl is funny and she can joke around with him.
7
Make sure to be yourself when talking to him. Guys often take your personality the wrong way because you act a certain way. So just remember to be yourself. If he doesn't like you for you, then that's his problem.^{[4]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Getting to Know a Guy

1
Find out about his "situation." If there seems to be someone else he might like, or does like, it's important to find out whether or not they're dating. If they are, you should probably wait to flirt. If he's single, and only has a crush on someone else, make sure to be better friends with him than this other person. Try and get closer with him to win his affections.
2
Meet him "accidentally" on a regular basis. If you want to "bump into" a guy on a regular basis, you can start making your own fate work for you. Find out where his locker is, so you can bump into him in the hallway before class starts. Or just "accidentally" sit at his table during lunch.
- This can seem creepy if it becomes obvious. Don't start stalking this guy through the hallways. Don't bump into him more than a few times a week, if you go to school together. If you just live in the same town, no more than once a week.
3
Try to get him one-on-one. It's a lot easier to talk and get a guy to open up if you're not in a big group, and aren't trying to carry on a big conversation. If you want a guy to get to know you, try pulling him aside in the hallway during passing period for a conversation, or sitting with him on the bus.
4
Be nice and be yourself. Never try to change your personality to make yourself "cooler" or "more noticeable." You may see other girls doing this and it might work for them, but those girls will be replaceable because they're not authentic. You are one of a kind. Be yourself, so when you do reel this guy in, he'll definitely want to keep you.
- Who wants to be someone they're not for the sake of a relationship? It doesn't matter how good-looking or "perfect" the guy is. If you have to compromise on your values, beliefs, ideals, worldview and personality to attract him, then he's not worth it.
5
Dress how you like to dress. You don't need to change the way you dress or the way you look to get a guy to talk to you. The only secret is that you need to dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. The more confident you feel, the more attractive you'll be to a guy.
- Guys are attracted to confidence, because confident girls are not clingy, and do not need anyone to complete them. Being someone's other half is a big responsibility. What you're looking for is someone to complement you, not to complete you.^{[5]
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- Make-up isn't always necessary, but if it helps you feel confident then go for it. A guy might think that if a girl believes that she is worth the time and effort to groom herself and to look pretty, then she is probably worth his time too.
6
Be friends, but don't get in the friend zone.^{[6]
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Research source} To stay out of the friend zone you have to keep flirting with him, if it's obvious he's not getting the hints, flirt more seriously. "Accidentally" bump his hand when you guys are walking, lean in a little closer than you need to when you're talking. and if you really want him to like you, or at least know if he does, just tell him. Make sure it's at the right time and place though, and do it with a flirty tone.
- Being friends is a good way to get to know someone first. The "friend zone" is kind of a myth in a lot of situations. Many close friendships turn into relationships later. If you like each other, you like each other. Simple as that.
7
Tell him that you like him. Sometimes, guys appreciate a straightforward approach. They appreciate knowing that someone likes them (who doesn't?) and it'll make things a lot easier to get that out of the way.
- Just ask him if he likes you, and tell him you like him. If he says he doesn't feel the same way, it's his loss.
8
Stay in touch. When you let someone know that you like them, it can get intense pretty quickly, or it can kind of fall off. It can be a little awkward letting someone know that you like them. That's OK. It's a good idea to reach out via text or via DM on Instagram to chat a little bit outside of your one-on-one interactions. This can be much less awkward, and let you continue getting to know each other even better.
- Text him often, but not obsessively. and make sure he feels comfortable with texting you all the time. If not, take it back a step. Still just be friends for a while. If he is comfortable with it, then that's great!

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be more likeable?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The first thing you should do is to genuinely care about other people. If you want to be likable, you have to like other people. You got to be interested in them! Also, always be generous!