This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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When you're talking with a girl you've just met or don't know very well, you may wonder where to begin. You want to spark a conversation or at least keep it going! Fortunately, with a bunch of interesting topics, you'll always feel confident with your conversation skills. Check out the list below to get started.
Steps
Everyday life
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Start with simple, basic questions if you don't know her well. These give her a chance to make small talk and feel comfortable before you talk about more serious or personal subjects. For instance, instead of asking, "How are you?" try a more detailed question like:[1] X Research source
- "What do you like to do to unwind?"
- "What's the best part of your day?"
- "Are you an early bird or a night owl?"
Her hobbies and passions
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Make her comfortable by asking about her interests. Most people enjoy talking about themselves! To make simple questions a little more interesting, try to be specific. For instance, ask:[2] X Research source
- "Do you have any hidden talents?"
- "What hobby would you learn if you could totally master it?"
- "What activities or sports make you super competitive?"
- "Do you play an instrument or dance?"
Her city
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Chat about where she's at for a light, easy conversation. This topic works especially well if you're texting or talking on the phone, although you still can talk about your surroundings if you're meeting in person. You might ask:[3] X Research source
- "What do you like about living here?"
- "Where are your favorite restaurants in town?"
- "If you could change something about living here, what would you change?"
Entertainment and pop culture
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Pick her brain about books, movies, TV, and music. Find out what she loves and absolutely can't stand. You might find that you really hit it off over a shared loved of a TV show or book series. You could ask:[4] X Research source
- "What's a show do you consider to be a guilty pleasure?"
- "What's one of the most underrated bands?"
- "Who's your favorite actress? Actor?"
Would you rather?
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Give her 2 choices and ask which one she'd rather pick. You might be familiar with this popular icebreaker game. It's a great way to ask fun questions while getting to know her preferences. For instance, ask:[5] X Research source
- "Would you rather only eat breakfast or dessert every meal for the rest of your life?"
- "Would you rather see your favorite band at a big outdoor festival or a small club?"
- "Would you rather write a bestselling novel or meet your favorite author?"
Career and education
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Ask about what she does for a living or what she studies. If she has a job, ask her about what her day is usually like or what attracted her to the job. If she's still studying, get her to tell you what classes she's taking and what she hopes to do one day. Here are a few solid ways to bring up the topic:[6] X Research source
- "Do you have any great teachers?"
- "What do you love most about your job?"
- "What's your most challenging class?"
Quirky questions
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Surprise her by bringing up an off-the-wall topic. You'll break the ice if you're just getting to know each other and it's a fun way to get the conversation rolling. You might ask unique questions that lead to a serious discussion or ask silly things that just lighten the mood. For instance, ask:[7] X Research source
- "What's the best thing you've ever found at a thrift store or garage sale?"
- "What's the most unhealthy thing you do on a regular basis?"
- "What's an ice cream flavor that you can't stand?"
Favorite things and pet peeves
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You could also think of this topic as simply "likes and dislikes." It's a classic way to get to someone better so you can see if you two click. You might even have a list of things or experiences that you ask her about. Here are a few fun ways to get her to share her opinion:[8] X Research source
- "What's your type of party?"
- "What's a popular trend that you can't stand?"
- "What do you look forward to most in the summer?"
Pets and animals
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Girls love talking about their pets! She may even show you pictures. If she doesn't have a pet, you could ask her what her dream pet would be or find out why she doesn't one. In addition to the classic, "Are you a dog person or a cat person," ask her:[9] X Research source
- "What's your favorite animal to visit at the zoo or aquarium?"
- "Which animal in the world do you think is the most majestic?"
- "If you could have an exotic animal for a pet, what would you get?"
Humor
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Talk about a funny story or something that made you laugh. You might feel pressure to have a good conversation, but joking around can relieve that tension. Tell her a joke, be a little goofy, or ask her about things that she finds funny. You could ask:[10] X Research source
- "Which person always makes you laugh?"
- "What's the worst joke you've ever heard?"
- "What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you?"
Travel
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Get her talking about travel memories or her dream travel plans. If she's traveled a lot, she'll probably love sharing memories and telling you about where she's been. If she hasn't traveled much, don't worry! You can still talk about places you've always dreamed of visiting. For instance, say:[11] X Research source
- "What are the top 3 countries you’d love to visit?"
- "Where's somewhere you'd never want to go?"
- "Tell me about the best trip you've ever taken."
Childhood
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Learn more about her by chatting about growing up. This is a great way for her to decide where the conversation goes—she could share a funny anecdote, reveal an important memory, or tell you about a sad event that shaped her life. Get her talking by asking a question like:[12] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source
- "Do you think your childhood was happier than most people's?"
- "What did you want to be when you were 5 years old?"
- "What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you when you were a kid?"
Family and friends
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Get her talking about relationships that are important to her. If you're making light conversation, ask a broad question like, "What's your family like?" This really gives her a chance to lead the conversation. If you know her pretty well or want to keep the conversation going, you can ask a more detailed question like:[13] X Research source
- "How close are you to your family?"
- "Of all your friends or family, who are your favorites? Least favorite?"
- "Who was your first best friend?"
Love and relationships
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Ask her about past relationships and find out what she's looking for. These are good questions to ask early on so you know if you both are interested in dating each other. These questions don't have to be crazy or unique—the goal is to start talking about what attracts both of you. For instance, ask:[14] X Research source
- "What do you look for in a relationship?"
- "What was your first impression of me?"
- "Tell me about the worst date you've ever gone on."
Goals and dreams
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Discuss the future and what you hope it holds. You might be surprised to find out what she's looking forward to! However, if she's not very excited to talk about life goals, ask about what she wishes would happen or what she could change. Try asking:[15] X Research source
- "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"
- "What is something that your future must include?"
- "If a crystal ball could reveal your future, what would you want it to show?"
Philosophical beliefs
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Explore her deeply held views on life and the world. Maybe you just want to talk about serious subjects for a minute or you want to know if she holds similar views. These are great questions to get an animated conversation (or debate) going:[16] X Research source
- "What do you think is the meaning of life?"
- "Do you think people have free will?"
- "What do you want to be remembered for after you die?"
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References
- ↑ https://rendezvousmag.com/250-questions-to-get-to-know-someone/
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/20-questions-ask-best-friend-become-closer-relationships
- ↑ https://rendezvousmag.com/250-questions-to-get-to-know-someone/
- ↑ https://icebreakerideas.com/questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone/#Casual_Questions_About_Entertainment_and_Pop_Culture
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/20-questions-ask-best-friend-become-closer-relationships
- ↑ https://youtu.be/CaZXmyf5dcs?t=369
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/questions-to-ask-your-girlfriend.html
- ↑ https://youtu.be/5DnWTcstNAI?t=159
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a31346416/questions-to-ask-your-crush/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/QwQc3jQq9bM?t=227
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202011/3-conversation-topics-spark-relationship
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202011/3-conversation-topics-spark-relationship
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a31346416/questions-to-ask-your-crush/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/OWmFtZv1mUw?t=198
- ↑ https://conversationstartersworld.com/philosophical-questions/