How to Forget About Your Ex

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus

Last Updated: December 1, 2021 References

Did you just break up with your girlfriend and you can't seem to get her out of your head? Or have you been broken up for a while but you can't seem to move on? Breaking up with someone is always hard, but there are some tactics you can try in order for you to forget your ex and move on with your life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Dealing With a New Breakup

1
Accept the truth. You need to be honest with yourself and accept the truth. Whether you want it to be true or not, the break up happened. Don't let yourself dwell on her coming back to you or calling you. Just accept that you are no longer with her. Take your time, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on with your life.
- This may be easier or harder depending on how long you were with her. If you were together for years or if you lived together, it may take you a little longer to accept what has happened.^{[1]
  X
  Research source}
2
Clear your mind. Don't let memories of her weigh you down. You don't want to hold on to your hurt, which can affect you and those around you. Let go of the anger and regret and don't dwell on what you could have done differently or better in the relationship. If you find yourself thinking about her, do something that gets your mind off of it, like reading a book or watching a movie. Once you divert your mind enough, you'll find yourself thinking about her less. This will help you start fresh once you are ready to date again.^{[2]
X
Research source}^{[3]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
3
Think about the negative. Whether you write out a pro/com list or just think about it, remember all the negative things about her. Remember all the reasons your relationship didn't work in the first place. Think about all the things that she did that got on your nerves or hurt your feelings. This will help you view her in a different light and take her off of the pedestal you have her on in your mind, helping you move past your feelings for her.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Don't think that she is the best girl you will even date. Think about how there has to be someone better for you out there.
4
Remove reminders of her.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Over the course of your relationship, you have more than likely amassed a lot of presents, pictures, and mementos that remind you of her. Put up the things that make you think of her, like a shirt of yours that she liked to wear or a CD that you listened to together a lot. Collect them all and put them away. This will help you compartmentalize all of your feelings for her and help you push them aside. Without reminders of her everywhere, you can start to move on.^{[6]
X
Research source}^{[7]
X
Research source}
- You may have an urge to throw them away, but don't. You may want to look back on those times at some point in the distant future when it doesn't hurt so much. You'll be upset that you threw those things away.
- If you find yourself thinking about the items too much, pick one you don't have to keep and trash it. Rip it up or throw it out. It will help you disconnect from the memories you have and start helping you think about them as just objects again.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
5
Cut contact.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} As much as you might like to, make it a point to not see your ex. Cutting ties with her will help get her out of your mind and help you move on. Delete her number from your phone and don't call her. Talking to her will only make things worse and her responses can end up hurting you more than helping. Also delete her from all of your social media accounts. Seeing what she is doing without you can only make you hurt worse and make you hold on longer.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Although the idea of being friends is appealing if you still care for her, avoid it at this early stage. The feelings are still too new and you don't want to run the risk of making your rebound process longer than it needs to be. You don't want to make it worse for you or her.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
- Try to avoid her friends as well. If you share friends, make sure that she isn't going to be there when you hang out. And spending time with her group of friends will only remind you more of her.^{[12]
  X
  Research source}
6
Talk about it. If you are hurting really bad, talk to your friends about it.^{[13]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Go out, have dinner, and get everything out of your system. Talk about the good times and the bad. Even cry if you need to. Keeping it in will not help you heal. But try to give yourself a time limit. You don't want this phase to go on too long. You'll end up hung up on her for too long and you'll never be able to move on with your life.^{[14]
X
Research source}
7
Meet new people. Even if you're not ready to date yet, going out and socializing will keep your mind off of your ex. One of the reasons you might be missing your ex is because you're lonely. Meeting friends of your friends will expose you to new social circles and lessen your loneliness. It can also make you feel better by lightening your mood and helping you get out of your funk.
- When you go out with these new people, try some new activity or go some place you've never been. You don't want to end up doing the same things you and your ex used to do, reminding you of her the whole time.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Coping After Some Time

1
Flirt with new people. While you were dating your ex, you were more than likely not thinking about dating anyone else. But now that you're single, you can flirt. Go out and mingle with people, flirting with some you see. Even if you don't want to date anyone you flirt with, getting back out there and realizing your are attractive again will help make you forget about your ex.
- If you know some people that have flirted with you in the past, call them and arrange to meet. You may not have been able to reciprocate before, but now that you're single, you can get back out there and flirt with them too.^{[16]
  X
  Research source}
2
Date again. Although you feel like you might not be up to dating again, try to go on a date with someone new. They might not be your next relationship, but getting out there and knowing there are people other than your ex to date will help you realize it's time to move on. Face the new date with optimism, keeping her out of your mind and focusing on the new date. Even if it doesn't work at first, the more you date, the better it will get.
3
Be open to a new relationship.^{[17]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Although you still may miss your ex, be open to new relationships. Just because your last one ended badly, it doesn't mean that this one will too. You can even tell her about your ex so she understands why you may act and say some of the things you do. Just don't compare her to your ex. This will only end badly and is unfair to your new girlfriend.
- Let her meet your friends and family. Seeing her interact with everyone in your life will help you move away from your ex and into a new future with someone else.
4
Be adventurous. Do something to take your mind off your lost relationship. Take a hike, drive to the ocean, or go skydiving. Trying new things and forcing yourself into new and different situations will help you remember who you were before the relationship and help you become a better person. It also gets you out of the house and out of your own head, helping you to move on and restart your life without her.^{[18]
X
Research source}
5
Write her a letter. Sometimes, you can't stop thinking about the things you didn't get say to her before you broke up. Write her a letter, telling her how you feel, what you think went wrong, what you miss about her, what you won't miss, and anything else you want to get off your chest. But don't send it. Stick it in an envelope and put it away. You don't want to seem like you can't move on and let her know you're still hung up on her, but it will give you a chance to say all of those things that you never could.^{[19]
X
Research source}
6
Work out. Sitting around, wallowing in your sadness will not help you get over your ex. Try working out, either at the gym or outside. It gets you out of the house and around other people. It also releases endorphins and reduces your stress, which will help you take your mind off of your ex. It has the added bonus of making you more fit for the next girl you meet. Plus, getting outside and enjoying nature can help you put things into perspective and get your head back on straight.^{[20]
X
Research source}^{[21]
X
Research source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I let go and move on?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Accepting that the relationship has ended is an important to creating closure, healing, and peace. It also puts you in a position where you can start opening up to future possibilities.
Question

How do I move on from a serious relationship?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Create a new routine to support your new life chapter. This can help you feel safe, grounded, empowered, and like you're moving forward and rebuilding your life. Routines can also help you feel like there's a level of order to your life after a tough breakup.
Question

How do I stop thinking about someone?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Focus on yourself instead! It's important to reclaim yourself and your life after a breakup. Focus on defining who you are and deciding what type of life you want to live. What life experiences are going to support you and help you feel fulfilled and happy?