How to Flirt With Eye Contact

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: September 5, 2022 References

Flirting can be tricky business, especially if you feel nervous around your crush. Flirting using eye contact is great because it doesn't require you to think of witty lines, or even to know very much about your crush. Eye contact is one of the most powerful ways that people convey attraction, but it's also subtle enough to be fairly risk free if you don't yet know if your crush is interested.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Holding their Gaze

1
Choose the right moment. Holding your crush’s gaze can be a powerful way to flirt, but you need to do it at a good time. There’s no way to plan for the exact moment, but aim for a time when you can potentially have their complete attention without too many distractions.^{[1]
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- Don’t choose a moment when your crush is distracted or busy. They won’t be able to pay attention to you. For example, don’t try to hold their gaze while they’re driving, reading, or working.
- Good moments can be when you first meet and shake hands, when you’re handing them something, or when you open a door to greet them.
2
Catch their eye. If you’ve chosen a good moment, this shouldn’t be too hard. If they’re introducing themselves or meeting you at the door, they’ll likely naturally make eye contact. If the context is more difficult, keep your eyes on them until they notice you looking.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- At a party or other social event, position yourself so that you can see your crush’s eyes. Keep your eyes on theirs as much as possible. Eventually, they’re going to look up and they’ll probably see you looking at them.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
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3
Keep your facial expression inviting. Let your expression be soft. This can mean smiling slightly, or even licking your lips a bit. If you let your face freeze up or come across as too serious, it might look like you're staring rather than flirting.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
4
Maintain eye contact. Normal eye contact lasts for about three seconds. However, if you can hold your crush’s gaze for four and a half seconds, they’ll get a powerful cue that you’re flirting with them. You can even hold it longer, if you like, as long as your crush doesn’t look away.^{[5]
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- If you’re nervous, you may be tempted to look away. However, try to maintain the eye contact to help build tension. You’ll seem confident and available, which are two powerfully attractive qualities.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Coy Eye Contact

1
Catch your crush’s eye. This may happen in a natural context, such as when you need to talk to each other, or you pass each other in a hallway. However, if you’re in a busy social setting, keep your eyes on your crush until they look up and meet yours.^{[6]
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- There’s a difference between looking at someone and staring. Make sure your gaze is curious and inviting. You don’t want to seem like you’re impatient or upset.
2
Drop your gaze downward. Once your crush makes eye contact with you and you’ve held it for a couple of seconds, let your eyes drop down as though you’re feeling shy (which you probably are anyway). Only let the eyes drop momentarily, however. You don’t want your crush to steer their focus elsewhere.^{[7]
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- You can drop your eyes down toward your lap or the floor to appear shy.
- If you’re feeling bold, you can drop your eyes to one of your crush’s other features, such as their lips, chest, or groin. This can be very suggestive and may turn some people off, but it’s great if you want to be extremely obvious about your intentions.
3
Slowly bring your gaze back up. Once you’ve dropped your eyes a bit, bring them back up to meet your crush’s gaze again. They’ll likely have some kind of questioning look on their face, since you’ve just sent a clear signal that you’re flirting with them.^{[8]
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- You can now choose to hold the eye contact or look away again.
- If you were engaged in a conversation, keep talking. Feel free to keep up the eye contact and drop your eyes down again whenever you want to appear coy.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Using Facial Expressions and Gestures While You Flirt

1
Make eye contact with your crush. You can do this technique in any context. It’s great if you work together or are already friends. If you are in a situation with a lot of other people, you may need to say or do something to get your crush’s attention so that you can make eye contact.^{[9]
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- Don’t do anything too outlandish to get your crush’s attention. Simply saying, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” or saying, “Hello” is plenty.
2
Smile. This might seem obvious but sometimes if you have a crush on someone, you’ll feel so nervous that you’ll forget to smile.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} As soon as your crush makes eye contact with you, let a nice big smile show on your face.^{[11]
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- People can subconsciously tell if a smile is real or fake. To make sure that your smile looks warm and genuine let your teeth show and make sure that your eyes squint up, creating crows feet on your face.
3
Add some energy. This may be a little bit confusing, since it’s more subtle. To add energy to the interaction, simply let the positive and nervous feelings you have around the person energize the way you look at them. Don’t try to hide it. Some ways to add energy are:^{[12]
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- Take a deep breath and let it out through your mouth.
- Straighten your posture.
4
Add another gesture or expression to convey that you are flirting. You can try waving, touching your face, winking, or brushing back your hair. You can smile, shift your eyes a bit, and lick your lips if you're feeling a little bit bold. Choose small facial gestures that work for you.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Winking can be flirtatious, but is sometimes viewed as old fashioned, or even creepy depending on the context. Use your intuition to tell you if it would work well with your crush.
- You can also blink slightly more often around your crush. This is something people do subconsciously when they’re around someone they’re attracted to. It will help send subtle messages that you like them.

Expert Q&A

Question

How long are you supposed to hold eye contact while flirting?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Try to hold it for 3-4 seconds. Then, smile as you make eye contact. The other person will give the green light!
Question

How do I approach my crush for the first time?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Try making eye contact for around 3-4 seconds and offering them a smile. You can even mouth the word "hi" as you approach so your crush realizes that you're opening up to them.
Question

How do I get less anxiety when making eye contact?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

If you're feeling nervous, practice making eye contact while walking around public streets. Then, you can slowly build your way up to approaching your crush.