How to Fix a Broken Heart

Last Updated: November 24, 2021 Approved

Recovering after a break up can be difficult, as you may be filled with a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions. You may struggle to get out of bed and lead a normal, everyday life with a broken heart. You can address your broken heart by doing self-care and reaching out to friends, family, and a professional therapist or counselor. You can also work on letting go of your past relationship so you can move on and focus on feeling better.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Letting Go of the Relationship

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Avoid contact with the person. Give yourself the time and space needed to heal from the relationship. Avoid talking or texting with your former partner. Remove them from social media so you can take a break from them.^{[1]
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- Let the person know that you need some time and space so they do not contact you by saying, “I need some time to myself. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me while I work through my feelings.”
2
Let go of personal objects or mementos from the person. Try not to hold onto items that belong to your former partner or that remind you of them. Accept that you need to let go of these items to move on from your broken heart.^{[2]
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- You might, for instance, arrange for the person to pick up their stuff from your place -- and perhaps have a friend be there instead of you -- and donate gifts they gave you.
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3
Consider a rebound relationship. Though rebound relationships are commonly thought of as a no-no, you may actually benefit from seeing someone soon after your breakup. Dating can help you to feel more desirable and get over your former partner. You may also feel less anxious and more independent if you start dating soon after a breakup.^{[3]
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- You may agree to get set up by a friend or family member. Or you may try online dating to try to meet new people.
4
Wait until you are ready to be with someone again. If you are feeling too fragile and vulnerable to date others with your broken heart, wait until you feel ready. Focus instead on self-care and spending time with good friends and family. Work on your needs and your development as a person. Then, pursue a new relationship when you feel ready.
- It may take time for you to mend your broken heart and feel open enough to date again. Be patient with yourself and try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get over your feelings right away.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Doing Self-Care

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Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or diary. Express how you are feeling on the page. Do not feel pressure to edit or revise what you write. Simply try to get down your emotions and feelings. This can help you start to feel better about your broken heart and work through some of your thoughts.^{[4]
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- You may use prompts like, “What were the clear issues in the relationship?” “How did I know we were going to break up?” “How am I feeling right now?”
2
Focus on a hobby you love doing. Maybe you love to paint, draw, or read. Perhaps you have a passion for woodworking, knitting, or playing a sport. Rather than let your emotions overwhelm you, focus on an activity you find pleasure in doing. This can help you relax and focus on the present, rather than get sucked into memories about your past relationship.^{[5]
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- Take a class in a hobby you enjoy, such as a drawing class or a knitting group. Or join a recreation team, such as a volleyball or basketball team, so you can focus on something you enjoy.
3
Exercise a little every day. Working out and breaking a sweat can be a great way to feel less down and depressed after a break up. Try going for regular runs or jogs. Add a 30 minute work out to your day. Join a fitness class and attend several times a week.^{[6]
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- If you are struggling to work out, ask a friend to take a fitness class with you so you are both motivated to go. You can also ask a friend to go running or jogging with you.
4
Try deep breathing exercises. If you start to feel anxious or stressed due to your recent break up, try doing deep breathing exercises to calm down and relax. Find a quiet, secluded place to do the breathing exercises. Then, try inhaling and exhaling slowly for several minutes at a time.
- You can also take a class on deep breathing to help you remain calm and relaxed.
- Many yoga classes will encourage deep breathing. Take a yoga class that focuses on slow, relaxing movements to help you relax.
5
Use positive affirmations. Positive affirmations can help you maintain a positive outlook on life, even when you may be feeling upset or overwhelmed. Try reciting positive affirmations in the morning when you get up or in bed before you go to sleep. Focus on positive affirmations that make you feel empowered and strong.^{[7]
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- For example, you may say, “I am going to be okay” or “I am strong and powerful.” You can also use affirmations like, “I will get through this” or “I will rise above.”
6
Avoid self-destructive behaviors. Dealing with a broken heart can be difficult, and you may be tempted to cope by engaging in risky behaviors. However, try not to do things that may harm you physically or mentally, such as drink too much or do drugs. Also avoid contacting your ex-partner repeatedly or isolating yourself from others. These behaviors will only cause more damage to you, and to those around you.
- If you start to feel like you want to do something self-destructive, try reaching out to a friend or family member instead. Embracing a hobby or writing down your feelings can also help.
- Get immediate help or call emergency services if you are considering physically harming yourself.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Reaching Out to Others

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Spend time with a close friend or family member. Reach out to friends and family members for support while you deal with your broken heart. Contact close friends and make dinner plans or arrange a hang out. Get in touch with family members and spend quality time with them.^{[8]
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- Often, being around people who care about you can help you feel better and less alone.
- Try not to isolate yourself from everyone around you. Even reaching out to one friend can make a big difference.
2
Offer help or assistance to someone in need. Helping others can make you feel less alone and isolated. Bring food to a sick friend or offer to drive an ill family member. Help out a friend who needs assistance.
- You can also volunteer your time at a local organization or charity to help others.
3
Get a pet. Having a pet can help to distract you from your broken heart. Pets also make great companions and can provide a lot of daily comfort. Look for a pet at an adoption agency or at your local pet store.
- If you aren't ready to commit to a pet full time, you can foster a rescue animal for a period of time or care for a friend’s pet.
- Make sure you are ready to care for a pet before you get it. You will need to set aside time and money to feed and care for the pet.
4
See a professional therapist or counselor. If you are really struggling with your emotions and feelings, do not be afraid to seek professional help. Look for a therapist in your area that you can talk to. Contact a counselor at your school or through your primary care doctor. Schedule an appointment with them and express how you are feeling.
- You can also look for therapists who do online sessions, during which you speak to them via online chat or video chat.
- If you know of any family members or friends who see a therapist or counselor, you may ask them for a recommendation. You may be more comfortable going to see someone professionally that you know is effective and welcoming.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you move on from a broken relationship?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Give yourself time to heal. Waiting between relationships allows you to grow. After a breakup, take a little time to work on yourself and try to understand the lessons from this relationship. If you start dating too soon, you don't allow yourself to grieve the loss, and you're just covering up those feelings of hurt with somebody new. Then, if you break up with that person, all the hurt from both relationships is going to hit you, and it's going to be a lot worse.