How to Handle Your Crush Rejecting You

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: July 23, 2020 References Approved

Approaching someone you have a crush on takes a lot of courage, and it can be painful if that person rejects you. Many people consider a crush's rejection on par with heartbreak, as though the relationship were already happening.^{[1]
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Research source} What's important is how you handle that rejection, and move on from that situation. Learning how to get over a crush who has rejected you can help you pick up the pieces of your love life and move on to new and better situations.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Staying Positive

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Resist getting angry. It's normal to feel upset and a little heartbroken when your crush rejects you, but anger will not help anything. Getting angry can be particularly damaging if your crush is a close friend, as getting mad may ruin the friendship.^{[2]
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- Wish your crush good luck and try to smile. If you were/are close friends, let your crush know you'd like to remain friends, and that you hope this won't change things between you. It's the best way to save face and maintain the friendship after getting rejected.^{[3]
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Spend time with friends.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} One of the best ways to get over heartbreak and rejection is to surround yourself with friends. Whether you go to a movie, get food, go out for a drink (if you're old enough), or just hang out at home, it's important to be with friends during difficult situations.^{[5]
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- Let your friends know you're going through a rough patch, and ask them if they're free to spend some time together. Some friends will make the effort to reach out to you, but other friends may need to be invited. If your friends don't immediately reach out to you, try approaching them and let them know that you could really use some company.^{[6]
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Do things you enjoy. If you're feeling the sting of a crush's rejection, it can be helpful to seek out activities that make you happy. Whether you enjoy listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie, or simply going for a walk or bike ride, doing things you enjoy can help you feel good and stay positive in spite of how you're feeling.^{[7]
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Start journaling. Some people may assume that journaling won't help, but studies have shown that journaling can help people put their thoughts into perspective and remain positive after experiencing heartbreak. ^{[8]
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- Invest in a new, high-quality journal. This will ensure that the journal will stand up to any abuse from daily use, and will make you more likely to want to use your journal every day.^{[9]
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- Set aside time everyday to write in your journal. Try setting a timer to force yourself to write for longer periods of time.^{[10]
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- Allow yourself to experiment. Your journal isn't intended to be read by anyone else, so let yourself be open and honest. Give yourself permission to think things through on the page, as you're figuring it out. In other words, it doesn't have to be a perfectly thought-out and well-articulated document. It can just be a jumble of thoughts, feelings, or observations.^{[11]
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Know when to ask for help.^{[12]
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Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Maybe you were rejected in front of a group of people and you're feeling embarrassed, or perhaps you just had really high hopes that things would work out with someone. Whatever you're going through, don't be afraid to talk about how you're feeling if you're really devastated over a rejection. If you don't think your friends or family would understand, try talking to a counselor or therapist.^{[13]
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- Many schools and universities offer free counselors, or you can search online to find a therapist in your area.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Moving Past Rejection

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Avoid fearing rejection. It's natural to feel a little hurt after getting rejected, but it's important that you don't let yourself become afraid of rejection in the future. That kind of fear and avoidance are part of catastrophizing, which involves assuming that one experience is part of a larger, more serious pattern.^{[14]
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- Remember that even though rejection may be inconvenient and even painful, it is not a horrible, life-or-death situation.^{[15]
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- Keep in mind that rejection is never permanent. New opportunities will always present themselves eventually.^{[16]
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Separate yourself from rejection. Many people respond to rejection by internalizing it. It's easy to feel that someone's rejection is a reflection of your own worth, but it's simply not true. You've no doubt had crushes on some people and not had feelings about others, and it has nothing to do with how attractive or interesting or likable that person is. Much of it boils down to compatibility. Other times, a person may just not be ready for a relationship. Whatever the reason, it does not reflect on you.^{[17]
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- Never let someone else's approval or rejection define your own worth. Remember that you are wonderful just the way you are.^{[18]
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3
Try to see rejection as opportunity. Yes, it's unfortunate that your crush didn't feel the same way about you, and it's probably a little painful. However, it's just one person, and that person wasn't right for you. Try to think of rejection as an opportunity to find a better situation with someone who will feel the same way about you.^{[19]
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- If your crush didn't think you'd be compatible together, that just means that there's someone else out there with whom you'll be even more compatible.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Finding Someone New

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Learn your ideal partner preferences. If your crush rejected you, it's possible you were more attracted to their appearance than their personality. Whatever the circumstances of your rejection were, now would be a good time to be honest with yourself and determine what you want from an ideal partner.^{[20]
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- Think about traits you would want from an ideal partner. Perhaps you want someone who is warm and caring, or maybe trustworthiness is more important to you. Shared interests or worldview is also a common trait people seek in a partner. Whatever it is that you think you want from a partner, figure it out before you start having feelings for anyone else.^{[21]
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Recognize your emotional reactions. While ideal partner preferences shape the type of person you actively seek out, you also have an unspoken emotional reaction to most people you meet. Sometimes we're blinded by our emotional reaction to someone because of their looks or charming personality, but it's important to learn to recognize the emotional reaction you feel in someone's presence. ^{[22]
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- Emotional reactions are typically unconscious, and you can't change that reaction. But as you analyze your emotions over time (perhaps through journaling), you can learn to recognize the emotional reaction that you have to a person.^{[23]
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Evaluate crushes for realistic compatibility. Even if someone has traits that you find ideal and you have a positive emotional reaction to that person, you may simply not be a good match when it comes to longterm compatibility. Learning how to evaluate a crush for real, meaningful compatibility can be the difference between frustrating relationship problems and a meaningful, fulfilling partnership.^{[24]
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- Think about the personality traits you find most desirable. Do you have a "type"? Does that type typically work well with you? Or are you only seeing the surface of people you have a crush on?^{[25]
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- Trust your gut. If you find someone attractive but don't have much in common with them, it probably won't work out, and you probably already know this. Learn to trust your gut as you evaluate potential partners, as this will help you avoid getting hurt and rejected in the future.^{[26]
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Warnings

Don't make your crush feel guilty. That will not change the person's mind, and it will only make things more awkward or painful between the two of you.

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Don't get mad at someone for the way they feel. They can't help that they don't have feelings for you any more than you can help having feelings for them.

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Talk to a therapist or counselor if you're experiencing significant pain or grief. Let your friends and family know how you're feeling so they can try to be there to comfort you.

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