How to Find a Femdom Girlfriend

Co-authored by Amber Crain

Last Updated: March 14, 2022 References

If you're interested in kink and want to find a like-minded femdom girlfriend to explore your fantasies with, you're not alone! A lot of people are in the same boat as you. In this article, we'll be sharing some no-nonsense tips to help you meet women with similar interests in BDSM, kink, and femdom lifestyles. Keep in mind that the most important thing as a newbie is to immerse yourself in your local kink community and start building connections there. Read on to learn more!

1

Join femdom or BDSM dating websites.

Dedicated sites are the best places to find femdoms looking for love. Navigating the femdom/BDSM world can be a bit intimidating for newcomers. That said, using dedicated websites and apps takes a lot of the guesswork out of it since everyone on the platform is just like you—they're interested in going on dates.^{[1]
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Research source} Here are a couple of well-known sites you can check out:
- BDSMDate.com: Millions of femdoms and submissives frequent this international platform. You can take advantage of nifty features like live video chat, video introductions, and join different groups organized by fetish.
- MeetDominatrix.com: this site is smaller and has fewer features than BDSMDate, but membership is free. The focus is more on connecting and meeting up IRL rather than interacting online, which might be a plus for you. It’s also based in the United States (whereas BDSMDate.com is international).
- Remember to upload high quality images! Also, try to have a clear idea of what you're looking for and be able to articulate it to your matches. For example, are you looking for a keyholder or a sadist? Relationship or hookup? Are you a playful sub or a romantic sub?

2

Communicate with locals on kinky social media.

Fetish social media sites are a great way to get started in the community. Fetish social media sites, like FetLife, are all about sharing interests with like-minded people, introducing yourself to the community, and learning more about local femdom/BDSM events. Avoid joining these sites just to look for femdom dating opportunities; the community won't appreciate that.^{[2]
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- The connections you make on fetish social media platforms are invaluable if you're interested in getting involved in the local fetish community and learning which businesses are owned by fellow kinksters.

3

Attend fetish parties and kink nights.

These fun events usually take place at fetish nightclubs. Hit up one of these events if you’d like to mingle and dance the night away with a community of like-minded people over drinks. You might meet someone you want to date or hook up with at one of these events, or you can just spend the evening immersing yourself in your local kink community and getting to know everyone.^{[3]
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- If you do meet someone, keep in mind that most people are just dabbling or looking for one-night stands at these events. If that sounds good to you, game on!

4

Meet local femdoms at a munch.

If a full-blown fetish party sounds intimidating, try a munch instead. Munches are basically light social mixers for people interested in the fetish lifestyle. Don’t expect sex or outright kink at these events (and don’t show up in full BDSM gear). Munches are great for meeting new people and chatting with others who share your interests in low-key settings like cafes or eateries.^{[4]
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- Cruising for dates at munch events is frowned upon by the fetish community. Think of munches as networking events.
- To find local munch events, check your favorite BDSM or social media outlet.
- Most munches are open to everyone so you don’t need a special invitation (some fetish parties and sex dungeons, on the other hand, do require invitations).

5

Sign up for a femdom class or BDSM workshop.

There are plenty of educational opportunities both in-person and online. The more you learn about the fetish community, the better! And yes, while it's possible to meet new friends and potential dates through fetish classes, workshops, and seminars, that's not really what these events are for. Sign up to learn about safety, etiquette, and other crucial information if you're serious about joining the fetish community.^{[5]
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- If you’re looking for in-person classes, check with local sex toy shops, dungeons, and sex clubs. Or, you can do a google search for “BDSM classes” or “BDSM workshops” in your city.
- There's no shortage of online educational options if that's more your speed.

6

Immerse yourself in the local BDSM community.

The important thing is to put yourself out there and build a reputation. Just keep going to munches, events, and parties and meet as many people as you can in the community. Behave yourself and follow event etiquette to raise your standing with your fellow kinksters. Eventually, this will lead to more invites and opportunities in the community.^{[6]
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- The BDSM community bases everything (including your level of acceptance) on the reputation you build for yourself.

7

Post a classified/personal ad on a kink dating site.

This can be a no-fuss way to meet a femdom for a night of fun. There are many online sites that cater to classified/personal ads of this nature, so try googling “classified ad fem dom + your city” and see what turns up. There’s also a femdom subreddit that might be worth dipping your toe into: r/femdompersonals.^{[7]
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- Remember to be safe if you use these platforms. You can do things like:
  - Let a friend know you're meeting up with someone you met online and ask them to check in with you via text every few hours.
  - Always meet in public first so you can get a feel for the person.
  - If something feels off, trust your gut and make a quick exit.^{[8]
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    Trustworthy Source
    Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
    Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
    Go to source}

8

Explore BDSM with an open-minded girlfriend.

Women don't have to be a professional to be into kink! There are plenty of women out there who are interested in exploring their kinky side with someone they trust by their side. If you have an existing relationship with a woman and you think she might be game, consider bringing up the topic and see how she reacts. You can learn the ropes together!^{[9]
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- Say something like, "I've always been interested in trying out some light kink in the bedroom. How would you feel about exploring a few things with me? Please don't feel pressured—I'm only into it if you are."
- You can also go to events together, check out the workshops, and immerse yourselves in a full educational experience–as a couple.

9

Hire a professional dominatrix.

This is a great way to get experience and learn the ropes in a safe space. Keep in mind that you’re unlikely to meet a girlfriend this way. But if you’re still experimenting and want to get some experience under your belt before jumping into the fetish dating community, hiring a pro femdom can be a safe and comfortable way to do that.^{[10]
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- Professional doms can be pretty expensive, but they offer many benefits, too—convenience, consent, on-site equipment, and her expertise.

10

Go to a BDSM convention.

This is a BDSM-themed multi-day event for experienced kinksters. If you’re new to kink, save the conventions for later since they can be a bit overwhelming. Some elements are pretty low-key, of course, like seminars, classes, meet and greets, vendor booths, etc. But there are also “public” areas, like the dungeon area, where experienced kinksters are openly having sex pretty much the entire time. And yes, you'd be able to jump in there, too (but only if you want to).^{[11]
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- You probably won’t meet a girlfriend at a BDSM con, but you never know!