A complete guide to post-sex etiquette, activities, and hygiene

You and your partner may know how to have fun in the moment, but it might not be so easy to know how to act in the post-coital afterglow. Things often feel right in the moment, but once it’s time to wind down, the anxieties can get going. The time after sex don’t have to be a puzzle, though—it’s best to be yourself and go with what feels right. We’ve put together a simple playbook for how to stay cool in both the moments and the morning after, as well as how to stay healthy while you have fun.

Things You Should Know

  • Enjoy the moments immediately following sex by cuddling with your partner, lying in comfortable silence, and letting conversation come when it feels right.
  • Talk openly about getting home or spending the night, and take steps to make sure you or your partner gets home safe.
  • Use the restroom and bathe to reduce the risk of infections, and take a mental inventory to help sort your emotions.
  • Communicate clearly with your partner about what the both of you want from the relationship, and treat them like any other friend when you see them in public.
1

Appreciate the silence immediately afterward.

  1. Enjoy the afterglow and let the intimacy of the moment fade gradually. Take a few minutes to just bask in the post-sex feeling. Intercourse may be over, but the blissful warmth and connectedness doesn’t have to be. Revel in a few minutes of silence and satisfaction with your partner while you both wind down.[1]
    • You don’t have to say or do anything immediately afterward. Trust your instincts, and only make your next move when it feels right to.
    • It’s important to take a few minutes to rest and recharge if you plan on going for a second round.
4

Let conversation unfold naturally.

6

Take a bath or shower.

  1. Clean up with or without your partner. Wash with warm water and mild soap to rinse off sweat and other bodily fluids.[7] You can wait until you get home or your partner leaves, but if it feels right, invite your partner to shower with you. Not only will this save water, it’s also an opportunity to be playful and get more comfortable around each other.[8]
    • If possible, wear loose clothes or go commando after bathing. Tight-fitting or nylon underwear after sex can increase your risk of UTIs.[9]
    • Also rinse and scrub any sex toys with warm water and mild soap. This is especially important if your using them with multiple sexual partners—nobody wants a hand-me-down.[10]
7

Rehydrate and refuel.

9

Take your leave.

  1. Find a graceful way to part. If you’re overly tired or just need a little time to yourself, find a tactful way to make an exit or to indicate that your partner ought to make theirs, like explaining that you have work in the morning or a pet to take care of. You can also just be honest and say you enjoyed your time together, but now you’d like some time alone.[13]
    • Take your time getting dressed and out the door to avoid looking too eager to leave.
    • Try not to feel hurt if your partner wants some space after sex. Many people prefer some time to unwind and process the experience alone, and it likely has little to do with your own performance.[14]
11

Follow up with a call or text.

  1. Touch base with your partner to keep in touch. Call or message your partner the next day and let them know that you enjoyed their company. Many people make the mistake of intentionally putting off communicating with the other person because they’re afraid it will make them look needy, but this just sows the seeds of doubt. A quick exchange will show them that they’ve been on your mind.[16]
    • It can be tricky to decide whether you should call or text. A phone call is the most personal way to go, since it requires more effort than a text, but a typed message is better than nothing if you’re busy.
    • Don’t wait too long to reach out. Keep in mind that you’re dealing with another person with their own feelings, expectations, and insecurities, not playing a game.
12

Make your relationship intentions known.

  1. Be up front about what you want. Communication is vital for any relationship, even one between casual sexual partners. Let them know how you feel about things, and encourage them to share their thoughts as well.[17] Mixed signals are a recipe for trouble.[18]
    • It's important to be open and honest with the other person from the very beginning.[19]
    • If you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner again, thank them for the night and inform them you’d like to part ways. Say something like, “I enjoyed my time with you, but I don’t think we’re a good fit.”

Community Q&A

  • Question
    Why does my boyfriend always leave the room to answer a phone call? He especially does that in the middle of sex. I just want him to focus on me!
    CurtM
    CurtM
    Community Answer
    He probably doesn't realize his behavior is causing an issue. Talk to him and let him know that his blatant lack of attention hurts your feelings. If he understands that what he's doing is having a disruptive effect on your sex life, he'll begin acting more conscientiously.
  • Question
    If you have been intmate with a guy the first time, is it best to wait for him to call you, if he seems interested in you?
    CurtM
    CurtM
    Community Answer
    There are no rules. If you like this guy, call him! You don't have to wait for him to reach out to you. Start off the conversation casually and keep a friendly tone. Eventually, you can get around to discussing the previous night and how much you enjoyed it.
  • Question
    If she seems uncomfortable after the event, (even if she allowed it!) what do you do?
    CurtM
    CurtM
    Community Answer
    This is actually pretty normal. Some people experience a sort of emotional distance after sex, and may seem cold or withdrawn. Just give her some time--it will usually pass. If she still seems uncomfortable after a little while, ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about or something you can do to make her feel better.

Warnings

  • Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip. Making demands, expecting special treatment, or guilting your partner into doing what you want just cheapens the act and can eventually lead to the ruin of the relationship.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Keep the particulars of your time together to yourself. Bragging about your conquests can damage your partner’s trust or give people the wrong impression about them.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Resist the urge to smoke after a tumble in the sheets, unless you go together. It’s a habit that’s considered a turnoff for many.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽

About This Article

Imad Jbara
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 856,569 times.
3 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 19
Updated: November 24, 2022
Views: 856,569
Categories: Dating
Article SummaryX

Deciding how to behave after sex can be hard, but it’s best to just listen to your own feelings about the situation. If you want to stay close to your partner, cuddle them to continue the intimacy. Remember there is no need to say something after sex, so you can just relax in silence with your partner and enjoy your closeness. Deciding to stay the night with your partner can be another good idea, since it shows you respect their company. If you’re having mixed feelings following sex, you can take a step back by saying you have to do something else so you have time to think about your feelings. For example, you might call a friend or take a walk. For tips on how to behave towards someone the morning after you've had sex, keep reading!

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