How to Be a Good Mother

Co-authored by Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA) and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 3, 2022 References Approved

The definition of a good mother varies depending on who you ask. However, most people agree that the most important thing is to love your children and make sure they feel loved. There aren’t any set rules for how to be a mom, but there are some guidelines you can use to parent your children in a loving way.

Here are 13 ways you can be a more supportive, loving mother.

1

Show affection often.

Dish out plenty of love in the form of hugs, kisses, and praise. Affection reminds your child that they are loved unconditionally. Plus, it’s linked to higher self-esteem, better academic performance, fewer behavioral problems, and an overall stronger relationship between you and your child.^{[1]
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Mayo Clinic
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- Make sure most of the interactions you have with your children are positive and loving. Strive to show affection daily.
- If you have a baby, affection may simply involve holding your infant regularly or speaking reassuringly.

2

Spend time with your kids one-on-one.

Quality time is important for building strong relationships. If you have multiple children, make an effort to hang out with each one on their own instead of as a group. Even short windows of time can strengthen the bond between you two.^{[2]
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- If you're dealing with a baby or toddler, one-on-one time might include getting down on the floor and playing with them.
- For an older child, try doing a hobby with them, like baking, hiking, or doing arts and crafts.

3

Show your support.

Validate your child’s interests to help them feel worthy. Even if it’s not exactly what you’d choose for yourself, nurturing their interests can help boost your kid’s self esteem and make them feel confident in their own life. Their interests may come and go, so be prepared to shift gears fairly often.^{[3]
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- If your teenager has joined a band, give some positive feedback about the songs they write.
- If your preteen is obsessed with space, buy them books or take them on a trip to the planetarium.

4

Love your children unconditionally.

It will help your children feel confident in themselves and in you. Even if your child messes up or you have to discipline them, let them know that you still love them. As a parent, your job is to love your child for who they are, not for who you wish they were.^{[4]
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- Try to avoid criticizing or blaming your child for their mistakes. Instead, focus on what they can do better next time.

5

Set clear, firm rules.

Communicate with your kids about what’s okay and what isn’t. Hold a family meeting to verbalize the guidelines and be sure everyone understands the consequences if they don’t comply. Then, post a cheat sheet of the rules in a common area, like on the fridge.^{[5]
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- Make rules clear and concise but with a positive spin, like “Everyone should walk indoors” instead of “No running in the house!”
- Depending on the age of your children, you might have an open discussion with them to decide on fair rules and consequences together. You might start trying to do this once your child is able to work out for themselves some consequences to misbehavior.

6

Follow through with consequences.

You made the rules, and your children have to follow them. You don’t have to be a stickler for discipline—if someone comes home 5 minutes after curfew, you can let it slide. However, make sure you enforce the rules that you’ve set up so your kids know you mean business.^{[6]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Disciplining your children for rule-breaking doesn’t necessarily translate to being mean. Criticize the behavior rather than the child. This might sound like, “Isaiah, what should you do instead of pushing Charlie? Because you pushed, you’ll have to wait 5 more minutes before taking a turn to show how patient you can be.”
- Make sure the consequences feel logical. For example, if your child watches too much TV and didn’t finish their homework, consider limiting their screen time.

7

Try to practice what you preach.

Think about the example that you’re setting for your children. If you tell them not to lie, you shouldn’t tell lies either. If you often talk about the importance of healthy eating, try to stick to a balanced diet. Kids are more likely to follow the rules if you follow them, too.^{[7]
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- This also includes modeling things like being a hard worker and not using drugs or alcohol.

8

Admit when you were wrong.

You’re not going to be a perfect mom, and that’s okay. When you admit your mistakes and apologize for them, you show your children that you respect them as human beings. Admitting your own wrongdoing shows your kids that there’s nothing to be ashamed of about mistakes—as long as they fess up and try to make amends.^{[8]
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- For instance, if you accidentally compare one kid to another, acknowledge that it was wrong by saying, “Jeff, I want to apologize to you. I compared you to your brother yesterday and I shouldn’t have. Each of you is special with your own qualities. Will you please forgive me?”

9

Split responsibilities with your co-parent.

Good moms don't try to do it all on their own. If you're parenting with a spouse or partner, ask them to share the load with you. If you're overwhelmed, request that they take on more duties, so you can rest. You might also give them specific tasks to do so that you're not bogged down.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Expert Interview. 25 August 2020.}
- This might sound like, "Sweetie, I haven't slept well in days. Do you mind putting the kids to bed tonight so I can turn in early?"
- If you don’t have a co-parent, that’s okay. Try to lean on your support system, like a good friend or family member, for help.

10

Model healthy relationships.

Show your children how to treat people appropriately. Whether you’re with your spouse, co-parent, family members, friends, or strangers, you should always treat people with respect and kindness. Let your kids know what it means to be a good friend or partner, and show them how you actively listen, compromise, and share with others.^{[10]
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- Use teachable moments when you and your spouse disagree (on lighter matters) to show your kids how to work through conflicts.

11

Take time for yourself.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about taking a break every now and then. It sends a message to your kids about the importance of managing stress and caring for oneself. Plus, spending time apart helps you decompress and helps them learn to do things on their own.^{[11]
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- Being stressed out affects your children, so carve out time for self-care daily. This might be unwinding with a long soak and a book each evening, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee before the kids rise every morning. Just remember to take care of you!
- Don't be afraid to tell your children that you're taking some time to yourself. Explain self-care to them and ask them what they do for self-care. This will build a healthy habit in your children.

12

Try deep-breathing in times of stress.

Parenting comes with a lot of high stress situations. If you ever feel yourself about to lose your cool, stop and take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. It might also help to count to 10 before you react to a situation. If you calm yourself down first, you can work on figuring out a solution without blowing up.^{[12]
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- Meditation and yoga can also help you lower your stress levels throughout the day.

13

Lean on your support group.

Friends and family members can help out when you’re overwhelmed. If you need to, reach out to a close friend or a family member to simply chat or get out of the house. You can also join a mom group in your local community to connect with others who also have kids.^{[13]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Meet the moms of your kids’ friends at school, at church, or on the playground to make new friends.
- It’s equally important to connect with others as a human being, not only as a mom! Hang out with friends, go on dates, and cherish your familial relationships, too.