Why Do You Feel Uncomfortable Around Your Boyfriend? 12 Potential Reasons

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: January 20, 2022 References

Feeling uneasy around your boyfriend can be a confusing experience. After all, shouldn't your boyfriend be the person you're most comfortable around? As amazing as relationships can be, there's actually a lot of common reasons they can make you feel awkward or anxious. This article is here to help you understand what might be making you feel this way around your boyfriend. We've also got some tips on how to address your feelings directly so that you can start feeling relaxed and comfortable with yourself and in your relationship.

1

You just started dating.

New relationships can feel a little awkward. If you recently started dating the past couple of weeks to months, you're still in the early phases of getting to know each other. As exciting as this may be, you also may feel a little uneasy or uncomfortable. Take these butterfly-inducing (sometimes embarrassing) moments in stride. As you get to know each other on a deeper level, you'll likely start to feel more comfortable.
- Try your best to be yourself around your boyfriend. Be honest about your true interests and don't be afraid to reveal your quirks, like your favorite weird snack combinations or your guilty pleasure TV shows.^{[1]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- If you just started dating, you might feel nervous about being tired or sick around him, not wearing makeup in front of him, or even using the bathroom at his place. Try to remember that you're human, and part of being in a relationship is sharing that with someone else.

2

You feel vulnerable around him.

Opening up to someone new can feel kind of uncomfortable. Even if you have feelings for your boyfriend and really like him, it can be a little scary to be vulnerable. If you're relationship is getting more serious, you might feel some discomfort or awkwardness. These feelings are totally normal, even in perfectly healthy relationships.^{[2]
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- Being vulnerable can be scary, but it's necessary to build a strong, meaningful relationship. Try talking to your boyfriend about how you feel to ease the awkwardness and get more comfortable.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- You might say something like, "This relationship makes me so happy, but I'm not used to opening up to someone like this. How have you been feeling?"

3

You need more alone time.

Even the most in-love couples need some time apart. If you've been hanging out with your boyfriend nonstop, you might feel uncomfortable around him and need some space. Taking some time to yourself can help you keep your identity as an individual intact and give you more things to talk about once you reconnect.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you're getting a little sick of your boyfriend, try making plans with your friends and family and investing in your goals and hobbies.
- To express your need for alone time without hurting your boyfriend's feelings, you can say, "I love spending time together, but I think I need some time to myself to recharge a little."^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}

4

He does things that annoy you.

After the honeymoon phase, you might start to notice quirks you don't like. It's easy to overlook traits that might annoy you in the beginning of the relationship, but not as much so after you've been dating for a while. If you've recently started to notice some habits you don't find very appealing and are uncomfortable about it, know that this doesn't mean you no longer love or like your boyfriend. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else.^{[6]
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- Try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend's quirks. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- Next time your boyfriend leaves his laundry on the ground of his apartment, for example, you might think, "That's a little messier than I'd keep my room, but it works for him!"

5

You’re nervous about your future as a couple.

Merging your life with someone else's is a nerve-wracking process. As you start to talk about subjects like moving in together, getting married, or starting a family, you might get nervous or uncomfortable. You may even start to second guess your future as a couple, even if you care deeply about your boyfriend. Try to go easy on yourself and remember that this is normal. These are all big steps for your relationship, and it's completely valid to be unsure about what you want sometimes.
- If you've got concerns, consider talking to your boyfriend about them. You could say, "I'm excited about moving in together, but I think I'd feel more comfortable if we talked a little bit about what we're like as roommates."^{[8]
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  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- You might be uncomfortable because you're not sure what you want. Try journaling to get a better understanding of your feelings.

6

You’re losing your feelings for him.

This might be painful, but not all relationships are meant to last forever. It's possible you really loved your boyfriend at one time, but don't feel super in love with him anymore. Sometimes, people grow apart or realize they have differences that make them incompatible. If you've been feeling this lately, you might be uncomfortable around your boyfriend and want to spend less time with him.^{[9]
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- If you've been feeling this way for a few weeks to months, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. It may hurt to walk away now, but it can help the two of you find what you both want in the long run.
- Write down how you're feeling or talk to a trusted friend or family member if you're struggling to figure out what to do. Getting your feelings out might help you figure out what you want.

7

You don’t trust him.

Feeling comfortable around your boyfriend requires trust. If you don't feel like you can trust him, try to investigate why. Your boyfriend may have betrayed your trust in the past, or it's also possible you dealt with infidelity in your previous relationships. It's entirely possible to work through trust issues and come out of the problem a stronger couple, but the process may be a little awkward or uncomfortable at times.^{[10]
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- Other reasons you might have a hard time trusting your boyfriend is if he's unreliable or doesn't tell the truth to other people in his life. If you notice these qualities, it's understandable that you'd be wary of trusting him.
- Try broaching the subject with your boyfriend. Use I-statements to emphasize what you're feeling and avoid making him defensive. You might say, "I feel a little hurt when you say you're going to pick me up from work and then you forget to do it. Sometimes it makes me feel like I can't trust you."

8

You’re feeling jealous.

Jealousy is an unpleasant but very common emotion in relationships. A little bit of jealousy can even be healthy, as it shows that you care about your boyfriend and don't want to lose him. If your feelings of jealousy are making you uncomfortable, getting overwhelming, or causing you to lash out, they can hurt you and your relationship. To keep your jealousy at bay, try acknowledging your feelings and determining where they might be stemming from.^{[11]
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- Maybe your boyfriend has a flirtier friendship with a coworker that makes you uncomfortable. Try expressing your feelings in a calm, respectful way. Your boyfriend might have no idea that what he's doing is hurting your feelings. You could say, "I totally understand that y'all are good friends, but sometimes the way you text each other at night makes me uncomfortable."
- If you're jealous because your boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with his friends lately, try to remember that it's healthy for the two of you to have your own friendships and lives separate from each other.^{[12]
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  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}

9

You’re hiding something from him.

Keeping a secret from your partner can make you feel tense. If you're hiding something from your boyfriend, whether it be an experience in your past or something you did behind his back, you might be uncomfortable around him. As tough as it might be, try being honest with him. It might be uncomfortable in the moment, but you'll likely both feel more comfortable once the truth is out in the open.^{[13]
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- Keep your partner's feelings in mind when telling them the truth, especially if it's something that might hurt to hear. Try using I-statements to place the emphasis on your own actions, and give them room to respond and share how they feel, too.
- You might say, "I'm so sorry, but I need to let you know that I wasn't honest about where I was last week. I had lunch with my ex-girlfriend, but I was afraid to tell you. I realize now that I made the wrong decision."

10

He pressures you or ignores your boundaries.

A respectful partner shouldn't make you do anything you don't want to do. If your boyfriend pressures you into having sex or engaging in activities that you don't enjoy, you may understandably feel pretty uncomfortable. A healthy relationship requires that both people respect each other's boundaries and limits in every capacity.^{[14]
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- Try communicating your boundaries with your boyfriend if you haven't already. You could say something like, "I don't feel comfortable with that" or "I'm not going to be able to do that. I hope you understand."
- Remember, no means no. If your boyfriend doesn't respect that or frequently tries to convince you to do things you don't want to do, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. The right person will respect your boundaries.^{[15]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
  Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
  Go to source}

11

He makes you feel objectified.

Your boyfriend should treat you with respect. Though it's totally healthy and normal for your partner to express that they're attracted to you, they shouldn't do so in a way that makes you uncomfortable. If you frequently feel uneasy about the way your boyfriend looks or speaks to you, it might be time to have a conversation with him about his behavior.^{[16]
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- You might feel uncomfortable if your boyfriend only praises your looks or doesn't seem to notice your other positive traits, like your intelligence, your sense of humor, and your ambition.
- To express your feelings to him, say something like, "I think it's great that you find me attractive, but I hope you notice my other qualities, too."
- If he doesn't understand your needs or change how he talks to you, it might be time to walk away. This may be painful, but remember that you deserve to be loved and respected.

12

You’re afraid of him.

Your boyfriend should never make you feel unsafe, physically or emotionally. If you feel uncomfortable because of the way your boyfriend treats you, you might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. In that case, it is always the right decision to leave. Warning signs of an emotionally or physically abusive relationship include:^{[17]
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Trustworthy Source
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
Go to source}
- Frequently putting you down or insulting you (in public or in private)
- Isolating you from your friends and family
- Taking control of your finances
- Pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to
- Physically threatening you or hurting you in any way