11 Postive Things to Do When You Miss Your Long Distance Boyfriend

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: October 5, 2021 References

If you're in a long-distance relationship, you've probably felt the deep pain that comes from being separated from your guy. At times, it might feel like you miss him so much that it's hard to function—so what can you do? The good news is that you can feel better if you stay busy and focus on your own happiness. To get you started, we've listed things you can do to take care of yourself and enjoy life again.

1

Explore your city for a great distraction.

A change of scenery can help you feel better. You might feel like it's hard to do things without your boyfriend, but he wouldn't want you to stay in and pine for him! Check out new places to see like museums, art exhibits, or parks.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} This is a fun way to keep your mind off of your guy.^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source}
- You'll probably want to avoid places that have special meaning for you as a couple. For instance, skip the cafe where you two had your first date since it will make you focus more on missing him.

2

Keep yourself busy with work or school.

Enrich yourself while you take your mind off of your guy.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} This might mean that you focus more on your job or education—really devote your time to work or school. You'll start to feel more fulfilled and less lonely as you develop a new skillset.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source}
- An added perk is that your grades or work-life might improve with all the extra effort you're putting in.

3

Spend time around friends and family.

Enjoy your other relationships so you don't focus so much on him. Remind yourself that you have a support network that cares about you.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} If you need some extra distraction, meet up with a friend you haven't seen in a while or hang out with your favorite relatives.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Sometimes, being around others can remind you that you do have a life separate from your boyfriend and this is a good thing!

4

Join a group or club to meet new people.

Sign up for a sport, band, or local activity to keep you occupied. You'll meet people with similar interests and feel connected to people in your community.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} This can make you feel less lonely and it can widen your support network.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could join a neighborhood soccer team or join a local choir.

5

Get physically active to improve your mental health.

A great workout can help you manage anxiety about missing your guy.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Studies have also shown that regular physical activity can improve your mood and help you relax. You might find that hitting the gym or just going for a run can do wonders for your self-esteem and mental health.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- If you struggle with fitting in physical activity, consider asking a friend to work out with you or go on daily walks with you.

6

Prioritize self-care.

Empower yourself and do things that make you happy. If your relationship is causing you stress or anxiety, it's a good time to pull back and pay attention to self-care.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Instead of looking to your boyfriend to make you happy, ask yourself, "What are things I can do to make myself happy?"^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You might learn a new hobby or pick up an instrument. Maybe it's time to brush off a skill that you've always wanted to develop.

7

Create a nighttime ritual if you miss him more in the evenings.

Come up with a calming routine that takes your mind off of him. It's easy to slip into missing your boyfriend if you used to snuggle up together at night. To help, do things in the evening that you enjoy and that are soothing. You might write in a journal, watch your favorite TV show, or listen to a great podcast, for instance.^{[13]
X
Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source}
- It's totally fine to include your boyfriend in part of your bedtime routine. You might send him a goodnight text or talk on the phone before you keep up your nightly routine.

8

Schedule time to communicate.

You'll feel more connected if there are clear expectations. Feel like you're always missing your boyfriend's phone calls or does it seem like you two never find time to talk? Make a communication plan with your boyfriend—decide how you like to communicate and when you'll communicate. For instance, he might call you every other day after he gets off work while you'll FaceTime him on the weekends.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Figure out if either of you will travel to visit the other. Knowing that you'll see each other at some point can definitely help you not miss him so much.

9

Talk about the future with your boyfriend.

Remind yourself that the distance is temporary. Make plans with your boyfriend about how you'd like to be together—maybe you'll move to his city once you finish school or you'll both move somewhere together when you get jobs.^{[15]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Dreaming and planning can make you feel more connected and like a team.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- It's also good to remind yourself that distance is just a number. If you create a stable relationship based on good communication, then the miles are just something you both work through.

10

Practice positive self-talk.

Turn your negative thoughts into positive statements. If you find yourself feeling down or worrying about your boyfriend, find a way to see the positive. For instance, if you think, "I wonder why he hasn't called me? Maybe he doesn't want to keep doing the long-distance thing," change your mindset to something positive like, "I bet he hasn't called me because he's been busy with class. I'll have a lot to tell him about when we do connect."
- Changing your mindset takes time, but it gets easier the more you practice.

11

Interact just a few times a day.

Give your guy a little space even when you miss him. The temptation can be to call or text whenever you're pining for him, but this can be stifling. It's also not good for you! Instead of focusing on how frequently you're in contact, prioritize quality.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- For example, instead of texting him 20 times throughout the day to just point out that you miss him, call him once in the evening and talk about what you did during the day. You won't be constantly checking your phone and you'll focus more on your own needs.

Expert Q&A

Question

What kills long distance relationships?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

A lack of communication can definitely do that. Remember to keep contact with your partner, always discussing the relationship. It's important to truly hear what they have to say and implement those feedbacks whenever possible.